DEAR ABBY: "Kate," my girlfriend of two years, and I recently had an argument that has left me questioning our entire relationship.

I owned a 30-year-old classic car in mint condition that I purchased new at the factory. I took meticulous care of it and drove it only rarely. One day, Kate drove my car out of her garage and broke a taillight and dented the side. She told me she would contact her insurance carrier and pay the $850 that I had received as a damage estimate. She later discovered her insurance didn't cover the accident, and suggested I pay for it with my own accident coverage. I didn't have that kind of insurance on the car, and told her that since she caused the damage, she should pay for it.

She refused to pay, saying she couldn't afford it, and a car shouldn't come between two people who love each other. I finally paid for the repair myself, but was so soured over the issue that I sold the car. She now claims that since I sold the car, it's really over with, and I should just forget the whole incident.

Whenever we discuss this issue, I become incensed at her irresponsibility and immaturity, and I have begun to wonder if this lack of character would manifest itself in other areas should I marry her. She claims that I have made money my god. Was I off base in my request for compensation for the damage she did to my car? -- BENT OUT OF SHAPE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR BENT: You were not off base. Kate caused the damage, and she should have paid for it. Failing in that, she should have at least made the effort to pay for part of it.

Money problems account for a sizable number of rifts in marriages. Since you and Kate have had so much trouble resolving this, I urge you to seek premarital counseling to determine if the two of you have a workable future before proceeding any further.

Kate appears to be immature and irresponsible, as you surmised. The $850 accident may have prevented you from making a more costly mistake later. Be grateful.

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 15 and love to skateboard. I know a lot of adults who think skateboarders are criminals. They seem to think we're all drug addicts who hate authority. This isn't true. All the skaters I know are respectable and respectful, and they don't deserve the bad rap they get.

Just because we aren't into organized sports and don't wear uniforms doesn't mean we're bad. The sport of skateboarding requires discipline and teaches coordination and self-control, not to mention learning to deal with physical pain.

Abby, please let others know that skateboarding is not a crime. I'm getting tired of the negative comments. -- LUKE WILLIAMS, OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR LUKE: I agree. Skateboarding is not a crime. It's a recognized sport that requires a good sense of balance, concentration and practice.

If you are getting negative comments, could it be that you are whooshing past pedestrians and frightening them? If the answer is "yes," you are part of the problem. However, if you are skateboarding only where it's allowed, are considerate of others and wear safety gear, by all means skate on, and have fun.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A few nights ago, a girls' soccer team was practicing in a local field. We live in a hot, normally dry climate, but recent weather changes have made our humidity higher than usual, and very uncomfortable. Many of our players -- ages 13 and 14 -- were wearing sports bras. Sports bras are seen as outerwear and are worn by joggers, cyclists and aerobic dancers.

A parent approached some of the girls, called them "sleazy" and shamed them for their choice of apparel. While our organization has no precise rules for practice wear, we allow what our community deems acceptable. The parents of our team are standing behind our players' choices.

Abby, this vocal parent then went on to make phone calls to numerous girls' homes and chastised them over the phone. Your thoughts, please. -- ARIZONA PARENT

DEAR PARENT: The parent you described appears to be slightly unbalanced and quite intolerant. He or she was out of line to scold the girls or call them names. And telephoning them at home is even further beyond acceptable boundaries. The parents of the offended girls would have been within their rights to order the person not to bother their daughters again.

Since all the parents are standing behind their daughters' choices of attire, this "problem" may resolve itself.

If this parent views the other players' attire as harmful to his or her daughter's morals, the child may ultimately be withdrawn from the team.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with a 15-year-old son I'll call "Johnny." I make a decent but modest living, and live in a simple home in keeping with my means. I try to set a good example for my son. My dilemma concerns my brother and his family.

My brother and his wife were very helpful when Johnny was small, keeping him when I had to work overtime. Their son, "Lyle," is the same age as Johnny. In return, I'd take Lyle to the park or on little trips with us so his parents could have time alone.

When the boys were about 7, Lyle started saying he didn't like being at my house because it wasn't clean enough for him. Over the next five years, he'd make nasty comments to Johnny, saying we were "white trash" -- but they had to be nice to us because we were family. He once said, "My parents said I should feel sorry for you." He put Johnny down for just about everything, from the way he tied his shoes to the way he dressed. Lyle often took advantage, and even stole money from him.

I always invited Lyle to Johnny's birthday parties, but Johnny was invited to only one of Lyle's. At that party, none of the other mothers would talk to me. I overheard one say, "That's the sister. I hear she's kind of trashy."

I know that the source of my nephew's comments is his parents. We see each other occasionally at holiday time at our father's house. My brother and his wife are friendly to my face, and I have no idea why they'd put us down in front of Lyle. After the last incident with my nephew, I decided I'd had enough. We live three miles apart, but I haven't called them in three years -- and they haven't called me, either.

Abby, you often say that families should settle their differences. But that's not always possible. These family members obviously don't respect me. Why should I be around people who treat me this way? -- TICKED OFF IN TEXAS

DEAR TICKED OFF: Too bad you didn't confront your brother and sister-in-law about their son's remarks years ago in order to get to the bottom of their resentment before it led to a three-year estrangement. I agree it's not always possible for some individuals to resolve their differences. And if this is the case, there is no reason to subject yourself and your son to more unpleasantness.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was troubled by your response to the letter from Betie Newton. While I feel as you do about the heroic and noble deed of her father in saving the lives of a Jewish family during World War II, I am not in agreement with your comment that "we are living in a country where people will NEVER (emphasis mine) encounter the horror that was faced by your friend and father."

Abby, it was apathy and denial by the populace that led to the actions of the Nazis. There are those in our society who preach the same hatred, and there is profound apathy in this country toward those who engage in such activities. We all hope that we will never "encounter such horror," but only an informed, vigilant and morally active society can prevent such a horror from ever happening again. We should never say never. -- DARRELL D. SAGE, CARLISLE, PA.

DEAR DARRELL: You have written a strong and profound letter, to which I would add: In order to protect our freedoms, it is vital that we exercise them to the fullest. I refer specifically to our right to vote.

We live in a society where it's still possible to achieve success through hard work and dedication. If that is to continue, people must educate themselves about the issues that are important to them, make their wishes known at the ballot box and select candidates they trust to represent them. It's a big responsibility, but the future of our country depends upon everyone assuming it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Peter," recently endured a horrible experience in a department store. He was browsing in the men's shoe section but saw nothing he wanted to purchase.

As he was leaving, a security officer yelled at him to stay where he was. She then asked him to follow her. Peter asked her why, but the security officer did not give him an answer. He was led to a back room and asked to lift his feet. The security officer looked at the bottom of his shoes and said, "You are the wrong guy." She explained that while she was watching the store monitor, she had seen a man put on a pair of shoes and walk away without paying for them. She apologized and told Peter he was free to leave.

Peter left the store feeling humiliated and vowed never to return. Should he report this to store management, or is this the way customers should expect to be treated? -- DUMBFOUNDED IN ROXBORO, N.C.

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: My sources inform me that the primary duty of security personnel is to protect and/or recover the store's assets, not to arrest customers. Because the exposure to liability is so great, the vast majority of department stores have stringent guidelines limiting the manner in which a customer can be detained. Suspicion is never sufficient cause to stop a customer for questioning.

The detainment your husband experienced is called a "bad stop," and it should be reported to the store management.

DEAR ABBY: When a person receives a box of chocolates as a bread and butter gift, some people expect it to be opened and passed around. At a large party, it can be finished off, and the host or hostess might not even get to taste it.

I feel that a gift of chocolates should be opened when and where the recipient wants, and shared (or not) as the recipient wishes. What do you think, Abby? -- CHOCOLATE LOVER IN LOMPOC, CALIF.

DEAR CHOCOLATE LOVER: I'm a chocolate lover, too. However, a gracious host does not put the box of chocolates aside, but shares the wealth.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)