DEAR ABBY: You recently reprinted the test for alcoholism. Some time back, when I found myself involved with a man I suspected had a drinking problem, I reviewed the test that I had seen in your column. Since the answers to only three questions were yes (you stated that a "yes" answer to four of them pointed to alcoholism), I felt comfortable marrying him.

However, in the past year, research has been done regarding binge drinking vs. full-blown alcoholism. The study found equal problems among both groups. I think your danger-signal list should be updated to reflect the following:

-- Do you have family members with addictive behavior, i.e., gambling, drugs, drinking?

-- If you have minor children, have they frequently seen you drunk?

-- If you have adult children, do you get drunk with them?

-- Are you able to drink more than most other people before getting drunk because you are "used to it"?

-- When you reminisce about the "good times," are they almost exclusively drinking stories?

-- Do you seek recreational activities that revolve around drinking?

-- When you are in a group, are you ever the only one drinking?

-- Do you frequently drink so much you are unable to perform sexually?

-- Have you been told that you become obnoxious when you've been drinking?

-- Do you drink and drive?

Abby, tell your readers to select as many "yes" answers as they can live with, then prepare to play second fiddle to the Almighty Beer Can during most of their leisure time. -- BETRAYED

DEAR BETRAYED: Those are excellent additions to the test for alcoholism. Readers and spouses or loved ones of those who drink, if the test for alcoholism was not conclusive, consider the above questions. They may indicate a problem with alcohol in spite of the earlier passing grade.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 42 and I am 36. When we married five years ago, he was a widower with a young daughter. His first wife had died shortly after giving birth to their second child. The baby was premature and died a week later. We are raising his daughter, whom I love very much.

The problem is that he refuses to remove his old wedding band. He wears the ring from his first marriage on his right hand and the one I gave him on his left. I have asked him many times to please remove the ring. He says that his first wife will always be a part of his life. (They met in the eighth grade.)

Abby, I understand that, and I have always been sympathetic to his tragedy. However, I am hurt and insulted. I am his LIVING wife, and it is abnormal for a man to wear two wedding bands. We are unable to resolve this.

Please give me your opinion. -- LONGTIME READER, NEW YORK STATE

DEAR LONGTIME READER: I agree, it is unusual. But there is no timetable for grief, and your husband has made it clear that he is unwilling to give up the "connection" to his first wife that is symbolized by their wedding band.

Look at it this way: You have the WHOLE man, minus one not very important digit.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I got into a terrible fight with my father and hadn't spoken to him for about three weeks. One night I had an opportunity to talk to him, but because we'd had a rocky relationship for a while, I foolishly chose to remain angry. It was the biggest mistake of my life, because that night he died in a terrible car accident.

I think about my father every day and miss him terribly. It's been 10 years since his death, and every day I have regretted putting my anger before my love for him. Life is short, and there is nothing worse than feeling that it's "too late." I have written a poem that describes how I feel:

I could have been kinder, it's easy to see.

I could have made time for just you and me.

You taught me a lesson I'll share if I may,

There are no second chances, so make use of today.

Go to your loved ones. Tell them you care.

Don't be put off; they won't always be there.

It may not be easy, it may not seem right,

But I guarantee you'll sleep better tonight.

I hope my poem will help someone to reach out to a loved one. You never know if you'll get the chance again. -- LORI IN ONAWA, IOWA

DEAR LORI: Your poem delivers a powerful message. Perhaps you'll find comfort in the thought that others may be spared your misfortune because you chose to share your experience.

DEAR ABBY: "Frustrated 16-Year-Old in Norfolk" implied she was denied an education because she left school and now has a baby. Was this child enrolled in a public high school? Did you call Norfolk Public Schools to find out our policies on admitting teen mothers or dropouts? If you had, you would have known pregnant teens may attend their regular classes up to their due date, or attend a special school for pregnant girls where they receive intensive parenting education as well as their academic courses. Once they have the baby, they return to their home school.

We encourage dropouts to return to school -- either at their home school to pick up where they left off, or in a variety of alternative programs and sites.

One program, the Norfolk Preparatory School, allows students to attend classes at night and earn credits at an accelerated pace so they can catch up with their peers. This program has helped many students earn their high school degree and prepare for further training either at a vocational school or a college.

Abby, are you certain the girl was truly denied admittance? My guess is she and her parents have not even been to school to enroll. If she did go and was denied enrollment, it was because of disciplinary action for fighting, possession of weapons or drugs, but certainly not for dropping out to have a baby.

I am proud to be an 11-year veteran teacher in Norfolk Public Schools. I have taught many students who have children at home, or teens who are returning to school after dropping out. We work hard to educate all segments of our urban population. We have excellent academic and vocational programs in place with an active, caring faculty to encourage our students to succeed. Please be sure you correct the false negative impression this girl made of Norfolk Public Schools. -- JACQUELYN MANGER HULL, VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR JACQUELYN: Because the teen gave me very specific information about the name of the school, etc., I did not feel it was necessary to confirm her accusations, although I did withhold the specifics to protect her home high school. Your policies for dropouts and teen mothers are commendable, but I'm wondering if perhaps there is one among you who does not subscribe to your generous policies and who discouraged the teen mother -- against school policy.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 40 years and have three grown daughters who live a few miles from us. Last year, my wife had a stroke that left her physically incapacitated and requiring daily care. She is unable to stand, walk or even get out of bed without help. Our daughters come to visit as often as they can and help with her care.

Their visits usually go something like this: Daughter arrives, knocks at the door and comes in. She nods at me, asks how I'm doing, then heads for the bedroom. From then on, however long the visit lasts, it's "yakety-yak, blah-blah-blah" with Mom, the hired caregiver or each other if more than one daughter is here.

My daughters talk to me only if there's a problem involving finances or bills. Otherwise, it's, "Gotta run. Bye, Dad. See you later!"

I realize I'm not the best of company. I've never been good at idle chitchat or mingling with people, and the present circumstances don't help any. But it would be nice to be included in the loop occasionally, even though I'm not exactly bubbling over with joy these days.

In the past, I've tried explaining my feelings to my wife, but all I got was a sarcastic "Oh, you poor dear!" From my daughters I get, "Think positive, Dad, be upbeat." Then off they go to talk to Mom while I sit in the living room alone. I feel left out of my own family. Your opinion, please. -- GOOD OLD DAD

DEAR GOOD OLD DAD: Your daughters' habit of speaking to you only about certain issues and talking to their mother about everything is not uncommon. It probably was established years ago, when the girls were young.

However, it's not too late to make a change. Be honest with your daughters. Let them know you'd like more than the limited converations you have had with them until now. Begin by asking them personal questions. If you "hear" only "yakety-yak, blah-blah-blah," the situation won't improve. If you LISTEN when they answer, you and your children may discover you're finally getting to know each other.

P.S. Instead of isolating yourself when your daughters come to visit their mother, why not join the party?

DEAR ABBY: Not too long ago, a friend of mine lost his eyesight due to complications from diabetes. He is only 29.

Fortunately, I was given the gift of sharing his first outing since he became blind. He was so excited! After almost sitting on a stranger's lap on the bus, he told me how helpful it would be if the public would just do a few things to enable the blind to function without additional problems when they go out.

These are only a few tips on ways we can help people who are sightless:

1. When you see someone who is blind, start talking. This will let him know WHERE you are. (That way, the person won't sit on your lap or trip over your feet.)

2. Ask if there is anything you can do. You might be able to direct them.

3. Let them take your elbow so that you can lead them to a specific area, especially when crossing the street.

4. Converse with them -- you'll find they have much to say.

Many of us are fearful that we will do the wrong thing, so we don't do anything. I know there must be other helpful tips. If your readers can add to this list, it will be very much appreciated. -- ANDREA RYNER, SAN MATEO, CALIF.

DEAR ANDREA: You've written a helpful letter. I hope readers who have contact with a person who is sightless will take your suggestions to heart.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)