DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old mother of two children and have been happily married to a wonderful, caring man for three years; we dated for two years before we got married. My husband's career is demanding and he has very little time off. He works with the public, so when he has time off, he doesn't feel like socializing. I attend college part-time and also visit friends a couple times a week, but I still feel lonely.

Lately, I've found myself thinking about a man I used to date. We had a lot in common and had many good times together. We live in a small town and I run into him often. I have been tempted to ask him out for coffee. I don't want to be unfaithful to my husband, but I want to enjoy life while I'm young.

Abby, do you see any harm in going for coffee with my ex-boyfriend? -- FEELING FORTY

DEAR FEELING FORTY: Yes. Why ask for trouble?

Concentrate on rekindling the romance in your marriage. Begin by telling your husband that you miss his company, then hire a baby sitter and go out for a romantic dinner. Remind yourself of all the reasons you married your wonderful man, and turn to your girlfriends for the rest of your socializing.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to reply to "Looking for Love in Dallas." The solution to his problem is simple: Introduce his wife to my husband. They would be a perfect match!

After only three months of marriage, my husband won't kiss, touch, cuddle, hug or even discuss the problem. Sex is only a memory.

I am 60, still sexy and crave all of the above. Maybe we could arrange a trade-off. -- LOOKING FOR LOVE IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR LOOKING FOR LOVE: You have my sympathy, but I do not recommend mate-swapping. To paraphrase the great bard, William Shakespeare: 'Tis better to bear the ills you know than fly to others you know not of.

DEAR ABBY: The realization of my lifelong dream finally arrived when, at age 50, I left my high-pressure job as a nurse-manager to enter the world of fashion by opening my very own dress shop.

I love my shop and enjoy everything about the retail business with one notable exception. I was ill-prepared to deal with the devious methods used by shoplifters to sneak merchandise out the door.

After initiating all the usual procedures to minimize theft, I have instituted a method of my own. I warn shoplifters that getting caught and arrested may be the least of their worries. I have posted the following notice on the walls of my changing rooms:

AN OPEN LETTER TO THOSE WHO WOULD STEAL FROM ME

"Some stores have signs that say, 'Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.' That is the least of it. If you steal from me, I will put a 'curse' on you that will ...

"Widen your hips,

"Lower your boobs,

"Flab-out your butt,

"And thunder your thighs.

"Your feet will lengthen,

"Your face will wrinkle,

"Your teeth will yellow and your hair will thin.

"Your eyesight will falter 'til the only light you can see is cellulite.

"Jail will start looking pretty good to you

"Compared to your own image in the mirror.

"Think about it." -- SHELLY DEMARCO, HOLLYWOOD, FLA.

DEAR SHELLY: Bravo! If that doesn't do it, nothing will!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please allow me to give your readers some lifesaving advice about fire: Take it seriously. Every year the National Fire Protection Association chooses a special theme for Fire Prevention Week (Oct. 5-11 this year), to focus needed attention on the fire problem. For 1997, it's "Know when to go! React fast to fire." It's the basis for an educational campaign to get people thinking about fire BEFORE it happens.

We selected "Know when to go! React fast to fire" because it's vital that people understand that fire and smoke alarms must be taken seriously, wherever you may be. Please ask your readers to take these simple steps:

-- When in public buildings, such as restaurants, malls, etc., always locate the two exits nearest you. If you see blocked exits, or doors that are chained, report it immediately to someone in charge. (Call the fire department if it isn't promptly corrected.)

-- If you hear a fire alarm, react immediately. Don't wait to see what others do. In most cases, the safest action is to leave the building. Wait until the fire department gives you clearance before you go back inside.

-- When staying in hotels, always familiarize yourself with the escape plan posted on the door of your room. Locate the two exits nearest you and check the doors to make sure they're unlocked.

-- Set a good example for your children. In a calm and positive way, point out exits and talk about the safest response in the event of a fire. Have a home fire-escape plan and practice it twice a year. If the alarm does sound, stay calm -- but leave quickly.

Obviously, there is a great deal more information on fire safety. However, these key points will go a long way toward preventing fire injuries and deaths. Thank you, Abby, for sharing them with your readers. With your help, we're working to reduce the fire loss problem in the United States and all over the world. -- GEORGE D. MILLER, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION

DEAR MR. MILLER: I'm pleased to help you publicize a message as important as this one. Too often people underestimate the speed and growth of a fire. They think there's plenty of time to escape, but in a fire, time is the enemy. It's important to plan ahead for an emergency, to know when to go -- and to act immediately. It can make the difference between life and death.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for eight years and have always had problems with my mother-in-law. I'll call her "Girdie."

Last week, Girdie came over to our house, uninvited, with all of her church friends, to parade through "her son's house" to show it off. Abby, she walked right past me after I opened the door and began her tour. She went into all of the bedrooms and bathrooms, and I felt like it wasn't even my home anymore.

Is there any way to gracefully hint that her actions are not appreciated without starting World War III? -- FRUSTRATED IN CLOVIS, CALIF.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your mother-in-law appears to have the hide of a rhino. However, when personality types like hers are challenged, they often become extremely sensitive to criticism. Therefore, your husband should tell his mother that she placed you in an embarrassing situation with her unannounced visit and by bringing strangers into your home without first consulting you. He should also insist that she never do it again.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently had an experience that might be of help to others. I have lived in a nursing home for the last 15 years because of multiple sclerosis. Near the end of June, my diamond ring was stolen out of my purse. For two weeks I was hot, then cold about calling the police or pawn shops, telling myself, "What are they going to do about it? A pawn shop won't admit it has stolen merchandise." Finally, I decided what harm can it do?

The man at the second pawn shop I called said, "We have 150 rings come in here a day, and we have a lot of people working here. I wouldn't necessarily see that ring if it did come in. Call the pawn shop squad at the police department. Every day, every pawn shop in the city is required to send this squad a list of everything they've taken in that day."

I called, and 24 hours later the detective called back with the news that he had my ring. No one to whom I have told this story has ever heard of the pawn shop squad, so a friend suggested I tell you about it. I'm assuming other cities have the same setup.

A lot of jewelry is stolen in nursing homes. I'm just realizing much of it could be recovered if people knew enough to call this squad. The aide who was responsible for the theft of my ring used her driver's license as ID. Her signature verified it. She's out on bail now, awaiting disposition of the case. -- HAPPY IN BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR HAPPY: In many cities, owners of pawn shops are required to forward their inventory lists to the police, who review them. However, not all police departments have "pawn shop squads" such as the one you describe, nor do they encourage direct communication of this kind.

Victims of theft should immediately report it to the police by filing a formal police report.

DEAR ABBY: Recently a young woman asked you how to mend a broken heart. Part of your advice was to get rid of everything -- photos, mementos, gifts -- that remind her of him. I disagree.

Our lives are a story, and stories are held in pictures and gifts. You should have told her she might put them out of sight, but the truth is our memories come from our hearts.

I am 42 years old and have been "in love" several times. I have been married to my husband for 10 wonderful years, but we both had lives and loves before we met. On the day we married, we both gathered and boxed up our years of memorabilia. We labeled them "Joan's Bones" and "David's Bones."

Our earlier treasures are part of who we were and part of who we have become. It will not help to destroy tangible items when the heart has already been affected in an intangible way. -- JOAN IN OREGON

DEAR JOAN: Doing away with painful reminders can provide a much-needed cleansing and speed the healing process. I see nothing wrong with keeping souvenirs. However, keeping them in plain sight can be very depressing just after a relationship has ended. Therefore, I advise putting them out of sight while the wounds are fresh.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)