DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old college student. I live at home and have always considered myself a well-behaved "child." I'm an honors student, active in the community and school, and have never used drugs or been in trouble of any kind.

The problem is my mom. She's overprotective, and I don't know what to do. We have a very good relationship; I tell her everything about my life and am very honest with her. Yet she insists my curfew be sundown and thinks there is no such thing as having male friends. She says with men, you either love them or you hate them. I only want to go out every once in a while to the movies with friends, or just to have coffee.

I don't have a boyfriend, but she thinks any guy friend I have is a boyfriend. She has expressed to me that her preference would be for me to wait until I'm 25 to have a boyfriend. I have tried talking to her, but it doesn't work. I have tried coming home a little late, and she threatens to never let me go out again.

She has told me that she fears I'll get pregnant or married early and will never accomplish my career goals. I have assured her that won't happen, but she won't budge.

I am tired of trying to reassure her and getting yelled at for coming home at 10 p.m. Please don't suggest moving out, because that is absolutely not an option. Abby, what should I do? I have been a faithful reader of your column for seven years and trust your advice completely. -- CAGED UP IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR CAGED UP: I don't know whether your mother comes from another culture in which women traditionally have no freedom, or her relationships with men were so destructive that her perspective is distorted. By current standards, you should have been dating for several years.

It is unrealistic for your mother to expect you to make mature decisions concerning men and dating at age 25 if you've had no dating experience. Since moving is absolutely not an option, ask a contemporary of your mother's -- a relative, a clergyperson or a friend of hers -- to talk to her and explain what is normal for a 19-year-old girl.

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter in your column about the theft of some items from a grave, it brought back painful memories of a similar incident.

My brother passed away suddenly at the young age of 39. He was a devoted St. Louis Cardinals fan and had all kinds of Cardinal memorabilia. When his body was discovered, he was wearing his cherished Cardinals jacket. It was a gift from his employees -- and he treasured it.

Because of the suddenness of his death, an autopsy had to be performed before his body was released to the mortuary. We were told at the time that his personal possessions would all be returned with the body; however, the jacket was not returned to us.

When we inquired, we were told that no one had seen it since his body was picked up. We telephoned the police, the coroner's office and the funeral home that transported his body. No one had the jacket.

I was amazed that not only do people steal from cemeteries, they also steal from dead people. -- BROKENHEARTED IN MISSOURI

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: It seems bizarre that people would steal from the deceased, but it's nothing new. Grave robbers have existed for thousands of years. Archaeologists frequently find graves stripped of valuables when they are excavating. It's deplorable, but unfortunately, some people have no respect for the dead.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my husband passed away. I have a little money, but not a lot.

My 40-year-old, twice-divorced daughter wants me to help her buy a house. She has never been able to manage her money. She told me that if I didn't give her $50,000 for the house, I could forget her visiting me or helping me in any way.

I offered to loan her $20,000 for the down payment, but she turned that down and demanded the larger sum as a gift.

Abby, I am 69 years old and must provide for myself, and $50,000 is a lot of money. What should I do? -- MARTHA IN SOUTHEASTERN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MARTHA: If you give in to your daughter's blackmail now, she will undoubtedly find some excuse to get the rest of your money. And I wouldn't bet on her visiting and helping you once the money is gone.

Face it, Martha, your daughter is manipulative and cold-hearted. Refuse to finance her home. Save your money for your needs and comfort, and look to other family members and friends for companionship and assistance should you need it.

DEAR ABBY: I have always been interested in comedy, so when I retired at 62, I entered a comedy contest in a cabaret in Encino, Calif. There were 475 young people in the contest and most of them looked at me as if to say, "Why aren't you home watching your arteries get hard?" Well, I made it to the finals and won. I got $1,000 and a nice write-up in the newspaper.

My wife and I moved to Las Vegas a year ago. A comedy contest was held at the Tropicana Hotel. I entered, and won again. I received $1,000 and a nice write-up in the Las Vegas paper.

Your attitude is what makes you old, whether it's in regard to your sense of humor or your everyday attitude. I know many elderly YOUNG people. They're chronologically young, but they have old ideas. If we judged people with our eyes closed instead of with a closed mind, you'd be surprised how the term "elderly" would disappear. -- PAUL ORKIN, LAS VEGAS

DEAR PAUL: If we judged people with our eyes closed instead of with closed minds, I'm sure many of the problems that plague us would disappear. Congratulations on your new career.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for saying, again and plainly, "People have telephones in their homes for their own convenience, not for research and marketing firms." I agree, but because I don't want to act rudely, I've come up with a two-part response to "cold callers" like "M.B. in Belle Plaine, Iowa," who wrote to you.

During the afternoon and evening hours telemarketers seem to like, I screen some of my calls with my answering machine. I've told everyone I know that I do this. So far, no one I'd want to talk with has objected to announcing him or herself to the machine.

When I do pick up the phone and find myself listening to someone I don't know who wants to sell me something, I wait for a pause, then say, "Thanks for calling. I charge $135 an hour for phone consulting, with a two-hour minimum. Where should I send my bill?"

I have never heard any reply -- just a click and a dial tone. -- JOHN SHAFFER DIBELKA, SPRING VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR JOHN: Apparently, your mother didn't raise any foolish children. Thanks for writing.

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DEAR READERS: The many responses I received to the question, "How would you define the term 'elderly'?" were wonderful. Permit me to share a few:

DEAR ABBY: I have a definition that has served me well most of my life: Anyone is elderly who is older than I am.

This was confirmed when I heard my dad, who was 84 and in a convalescent home, speak of the "old codger who lives down the hall." He was 87. -- CARL FISHER (AGE 82), WALNUT CREEK, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am 79 and just beginning to think of myself as "elderly." Fifty, to me, is middle age. -- DOROTHY KENT, HENDERSON, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: I am 52 years old and consider the term "elderly" as being a synonym for dead! -- JANE ANDERSON, CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: How would I define elderly? I am reminded of the old joke that went, "I enjoy drinking; HE'S a drunk." I'm an older woman; SHE'S elderly! -- BEA SHAW, TOLUCA LAKE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know a great deal about how ladies view themselves, but to me they are forever young. However, I do know a little about men.

By my reckoning, until age 35, he is an adolescent.

From 35 to 55, he is a young man.

From 55 to 75, he is middle-aged, and anyone who is 75 or older is a senior. -- TOM DANAHER (AGE 71), LAS VEGAS

DEAR ABBY: When you ask someone to define "elderly," you open a can of worms. It is my belief that few people think of themselves as a specific age.

Society seems to want to label each of its members by age, race, religion, etc. Let's forget all that and just live. Elderly is as elderly does. Enjoy life and, as the French say, "Vive la difference!" -- ROBERT L. CASEY, LAS VEGAS

DEAR ABBY: I am 76 and don't consider myself elderly. When I curl my hair, which is naturally a blondish-gray, I have my makeup on, my nails nicely manicured and I'm dressed in a nice outfit, I don't feel or look a day over 55. So I think, "If I were't married, I'd be looking for a live one."

I define elderly as "over the hill." -- STILL KICKING AND ABLE

DEAR ABBY: Being elderly to me is having the dignity to grow older with dignity. -- PEGGY O'NEIL, PUYALLUP, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: Most of us associate "elderly" with those who are older than we are, who have become incapacitated physically or mentally. People our own age may be "senior citizens" -- but NEVER elderly! -- MARION E. GRAFF, LOS ANGELES

DEAR ABBY: "Elderly" is a politically correct euphemism for "old." What's wrong with being old? I am an aging boomer and I want to be as old as possible.

In this baby- and youth-obsessed culture of ours, it's time to shout, "Old is great!" -- MICHAEL PEARCE, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR MICHAEL AND READERS: I'll second the motion.

I regret that I am unable to print all of the delightful definitions I've received for "elderly"; however, from time to time, I will share more of them.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)