DEAR ABBY: "Melissa in Sacramento" wrote that an 11-year-old was not articulate enough to have written the letter you published about his happiness as an adopted son of two fathers.

Her letter was an insult to the many children who are capable of achieving beyond the low expectations of many adults.

When my 15-year-old son was 11, his vocabulary, reading, writing and analytical skills tested out at college sophomore levels. This past school year, he took several college courses and aced them all. My son is no genius, but we care enough about his education to put it first.

None of our children fail to keep up with their homework. We read to them every night until they were at least 12 years old. We still insist that they read every day. We limit television to three hours a week, while providing them with access to bookstores and libraries.

If more parents insisted on high standards in the schools and by teachers, and maintained those same standards at home, more children would be as articulate as that 11-year-old boy. -- PENNY IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PENNY: I agree that some students far exceed the norm, as your children do. And the ones who do have parents who are actively involved in their schooling, which reinforces the importance of education.

"Melissa in Sacramento's" letter stimulated some strong responses from people who took exception. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter signed "Melissa in Sacramento," I was furious. Perhaps in Sacramento an 11-year-old student could not have written as well as the boy who expressed his happiness at being the adopted son of two fathers. However, my 11-year-old sister is capable of writing such a letter, as are many other children of that age whom I know.

I also was taken aback that Melissa called the boy's letter "whiny." If any letter was whiny, it was hers!

I applaud any two loving parents, heterosexual or homosexual, who teach their child the loving, caring, open-minded values this world needs to survive. Melissa could learn a lesson or two from "Happily Adopted in Orlando, Fla." and his parents.

I wonder if Melissa is struggling with her own homophobia. Her letter appeared to reflect the anti-gay movement sweeping our country. I hope she has not taught those hurtful, narrow-minded, prejudiced values to the fifth- and sixth-grade students with whom she works. -- STRAIGHT BUT NOT NARROW IN COLORADO

DEAR STRAIGHT: So do I. When we finally learn to accept diversity and be less judgmental when dealing with others, ours will be a much more unified country.

DEAR ABBY: You have undoubtedly received many letters about the 11-year-old boy who was adopted by a gay man and is now living with two dads.

Well, here's one more:

Five years ago I adopted an 8-year-old special-needs child after the system had given up on him. The caseworkers considered him unadoptable, but I fell in love with him in the first five minutes and I've never faltered in my commitment to him. When I told him I wanted to adopt him, he was the happiest kid I'd ever seen. He had believed he would never have a family. When I told him I was gay, he said it didn't matter to him -- as long as I was nice.

Since then, my son has become a bright, affectionate 13-year-old, and I take a great deal of pride and joy in watching him grow toward manhood. Our adoption was finalized 2 1/2 years ago and all our relatives showed up to make it a very special day. We know how precious family is.

There are many older children and special-needs children in the system who will never be adopted due to a critical shortage of qualified adoptive parents. In the past 10 years, there have been more than 100,000 adoptions by qualified gay men and lesbians. Each and every one of these adoptions is an opportunity for a child to have a loving family. We should applaud these parents for the difference they make. I know. -- LUCKY FATHER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LUCKY FATHER: May I lead the applause? You have said it very well, and your dedication is praiseworthy. All good wishes to you and to your son.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter in your column from Sens. Barbara Mikulski and K.B. Hutchison. As a 40-year-old woman whose 2.7-centimeter tumor was not detected by a mammogram, I wholeheartedly agree with the Mammography Quality Standards Act. However, when I read about mammography being our most powerful weapon in the war against breast cancer, I get angry.

The senators incorrectly stated that early detection is the key to prevention -- and I worry that some women may rely too heavily on this weapon. Mammography does NOT prevent breast cancer, and only increases a woman's survival rate if the cancer is detected early. I support legislation that ensures quality standards for the only tool we have available, but hope in the future more emphasis will be placed on prevention, and finding a diagnostic tool that really does detect breast cancer early in younger women.

While the various agencies decide who should and should not get mammograms and at what age, I urge all women to do a BSE (breast self-exam) each month. Get to know your breasts, and if you feel something unusual, have it biopsied -- do not depend on mammograms alone. -- A SURVIVOR IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SURVIVOR: Excellent advice that I hope all women will take to heart. Survival is literally in our own hands.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 11 and in sixth grade. I'd rather be home-schooled than stuck in a classroom with a bunch of misbehaving kids. When I mention the fact that I'm home-schooled to kids who go to a public school, they tell me how lucky I am.

I read on an adult level and enjoy it very much. Cooking is another thing I enjoy. I have a collection of cookbooks. Recently I became interested in writing stories and poems. I entered one of my poems in a contest for adults and got an honorable mention.

Home-schooling may not be perfect, but as far as I'm concerned, it's more perfect than anything else. These are my own words, Abby. Nothing I have written was even suggested by my parents. -- RAQUEL MUTTON, BLOOMSBURG, PA.

DEAR RAQUEL: Thank you for sharing your opinion. It echoes the vast majority of enthusiastic letters I received from hundreds of home-schoolers and former home-schoolers nationwide. I was impressed with their level of literacy, and regret that space does not permit me to print more. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a high school junior who has been home-schooled since first grade. I have many friends that I met in the neighborhood, at church and on sports teams.

The success of home-schooling isn't in the location, it's the spirit of the instructor. If my parents were abusive and kept me isolated, I would probably hate home-schooling, too.

Being home-schooled has taught me it's OK to look to my parents and authorities for guidance instead of my peers, who are often just as ignorant as I am. Home-schooling, though, is not a magic pill. I know home-schoolers who are one step from reform school (sometimes they've been expelled from school), and I know plenty of conventional school students who are responsible, intelligent and well-behaved. I'm proud of being home-schooled.

Please don't judge me on what you've heard about home-schooling. Judge me for myself. Thank you, Abby, for the chance to express my opinion. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. -- REGINA BURGESS, FORT BRAGG, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in ninth grade. My 3 1/2 years as a home-schooled student have been great. We start at 9:30 a.m. and finish around noon. The decreased time is due to the lack of distraction. At public school, if I finished early, I would have to wait for the rest of the class. Now, whenever I finish, I can just move on.

I'm definitely not isolated. We take more field trips because of the flexible schedule. There are also home-school organizations where I've made friends. Home-schooling has been great for me, but it's not for everybody. I know of families that do isolate their children, and others that don't even "do" school.

I hope my opinion on home-schooling is what the majority of home-schoolers think. -- SCOTT CLEMENT, MESQUITE, TEXAS

DEAR SCOTT: It definitely is!

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and entering my second year of college at the University of California-San Diego. I attended private schools through fifth grade, and was home-schooled through middle school. Those years stand out in my mind as the most productive, educational and enlightening of my scholastic career. Later, because I felt I was "missing out," I chose to attend a public high school. I was appalled at the attitude of my peers and the faculty. I was treated as an inferior because I had not received a public school education, and it was assumed that I was probably socially inept from being home-schooled.

It has been my experience that in public school settings, students are exposed to verbal abuse, drugs and violence. Home-schooled children can easily learn to relate to peers through extracurricular activities such as sports, music and clubs like Girl Scouts.

I wish I had been home-schooled throughout high school as well. I would have received a better education. I realize that home-schooling is not an option for everyone, but I firmly believe that I am a well-adjusted, better person today because of it. -- KELLY IN ESCONDIDO, CALIF.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)