DEAR ABBY: Our grandfather is driving us bananas. He is in good health, retired and visits us every day. He is very good to us, but this everyday thing is taking a toll on us.

We love Grandpa dearly, but unless we make plans not to be home at the time of his daily visits, we are stuck listening to his opinion on everything -- and according to him, his opinion is the only right one.

We don't want to hurt his feelings, but we are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Abby, how can we handle this sensitive problem? -- PERPLEXED GRANDDAUGHTER

DEAR PERPLEXED: Your grandfather obviously is lonely and bored. Call the local seniors center and find out what kind of programs they offer. Encourage Grandpa to check out the center. If they serve lunches for seniors, suggest he go for lunch a few times to make friends.

Also, look into volunteer needs at local hospitals, libraries and schools, and impress on Grandpa how much he is needed in those programs.

If Grandpa is interested in traveling, buy him some travel magazines and pick up some brochures from your travel agent. There are some interesting cruises and tours especially for seniors.

Use your imagination to come up with other projects to interest him. If he gets busy with others, he will probably have less time for visits to the family.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of three. The oldest is 9 years old. Although I don't know everything there is to know about parenting, I am hardly a novice.

I have been blessed with a youthful appearance, but that blessing is also a curse. I'm 36 but look 18, and I'm still asked for proof of age when I buy a bottle of cooking sherry. Also, because of my appearance, people assume that I know nothing about parenting and many of them proceed to offer advice. (Most advice-givers are older women, but a few older men do it, too.)

Abby, I find these encounters very annoying. I know my children and diligently tend to their needs. I neither need nor want the assistance or advice of strangers.

My advice to those who feel they must say something to a young mother: Say a prayer instead. -- THANKS BUT NO THANKS FOR ADVICE IN CHICAGO

DEAR THANKS: Every day I hear people complain that no one cares anymore. Obviously, those who offer you well-meaning advice care enough to want to help you. Give them credit for that. You may one day feel that sharing your experience could benefit a younger parent, and perhaps then you will see the gesture as less an intrusion and more a generosity of spirit.

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column many times and would like your advice on a problem I have.

I am 13 years old and am a partial vegetarian (I don't eat red meat or pork), which was my personal choice. When I eat at friends' or relatives' houses, they often serve red meat.

Most of my friends and family know what I eat, but when they forget, it is often a little embarrassing for me. I feel like I'm being ungrateful for not eating what they are serving me.

Abby, is this rude -- and what should I say when this happens? -- VEGGIE IN SIOUX CITY

DEAR VEGGIE: You are not being rude or ungrateful. Do not make an issue of it. Simply say, "The salad was delicious. May I please have a second helping?" (The same goes for the vegetable side dishes.)

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A couple of days ago, my husband and I got into an argument. It led to fussing, yelling and cursing each other in front of our 8-month-old baby. When I thought the worst was over, he pushed me down, grabbed me by the ankles and dragged me over the kitchen floor. Then he left with our son and went to his parents' house. A few hours later, I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw that I had bruises from head to toe.

My husband says it would never have happened if I had kept my mouth shut! He says I nag him until he can't stand it and I drove him to do what he did. Now that the bruises on my legs and face are apparent, he has told his family that our son is ill, and it would be better if they waited a week or so to come over.

Somehow he makes out that I am the one who brings on his violent behavior. I admit I do let too much get to me sometimes, but please, Abby, tell me, am I to blame for his actions? Or is it just an excuse for his violent behavior? -- BRUISED AND CONFUSED

DEAR BRUISED: You are not responsible for your husband's physical abuse. If your husband didn't like something you said, he could have left the house to cool off. His insistence that it wouldn't have happened if you'd kept your mouth shut is a classic tactic of a batterer. Unless your husband is willing to get professional help, your marriage is in serious trouble -- and you, and possibly the baby -- are in physical danger.

This problem will not go away by itself. Do not remain silent and out of sight. Your family, his family and your friends should be told about the battering. You need all the support you can get. Photographic evidence would also be helpful.

When it happens again, the police should be notified immediately. And you should waste no time in getting away to family or friends or a battered women's shelter so you can decide what to do with the rest of your life -- without him. You are in my prayers.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 35-year-old single English teacher. During my lifetime, I have had many failed romances, but recently I have fallen in love again. The object of my affection is a history teacher at the school where I work. (I'll call him Richard.) He is absolutely the man of my dreams. He is handsome, charming, and we share the same interests. I am absolutely sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I have been reluctant to ask Richard out because I fear it would be improper for two professional teachers who are co-workers to be involved in a relationship. I don't know what the headmaster would think about this. And what would the children we both teach think about our dating?

My decision rests with your opinion, Abby. What should I do? -- HOPELESSLY IN LOVE IN BOSTON

DEAR HOPELESSLY IN LOVE: Some schools have policies forbidding teachers in their employ to date one another. Ask your headmaster if there is such a policy at your school, or review the policies yourself. If there is no policy against it, ask Richard out. Remember the old truism: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If he doesn't accept, you've lost nothing; but if he accepts, it could be the beginning of a love story.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I work for a sports arena, but please don't reveal in which state. Several times a year, people are "caught" having sex in the upper decks of the empty stands.

They are caught because television cameras are very powerful and can zoom in for a close-up of the subject from several hundred feet away.

Of course, these images never make it on the air. However, they usually do end up on videotape -- and through the miracle of satellite technology could end up in every TV sports department in the country! Abby, this is just a warning to those couples who think they are getting away with something. -- IT AIN'T A SECRET AT THE GAME

DEAR AIN'T A SECRET: Thank you, dear reader. You have just performed a public service. Amorous readers who are tempted to wink at convention should bear in mind that the lens of a camera never blinks.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had different reactions to a couple we know. I'll call them "Jack and Jill." My husband considers Jack to be one of his best friends, so he asked him to be his best man in our wedding.

Shortly after we announced our engagement, my parents threw a party for us, inviting only family and those in our wedding party. It was such a special event that my husband's parents flew across the country to be there. Much to my husband's dismay, Jack and Jill never showed up. When we saw them a few days later, they explained that they had made other plans.

A few months before the wedding, my sister planned a bridal shower for me. Jill was invited. She never came. I saw her that evening and she said that she forgot. This really hurt my feelings.

About a month before the wedding, a couple of the groomsmen called me to find out about the bachelor party. I called Jack, and he said he had not made any plans yet. It got closer to the wedding (a week away) and a groomsman, one of my bridesmaids and I were working frantically to give my husband a bachelor party. We asked Jack to take care of the transportation deposit. The night before the bachelor party, the bus driver called my bridesmaid and told her that he never received his deposit (which had been given to Jack). We then had to track Jack down and get the deposit to the bus company. Luckily, the party went well. The same evening, we had my bachelorette party. Jill never showed up.

The rehearsal evening finally came. Jack and Jill showed up at the church 30 minutes late, with no explanation. Luckily, my husband asked Jack to come to our house to get ready for the wedding so he would be there on time.

Last week we got our wedding album back. We decided to have a barbecue and invite everyone in the wedding party. Jack and Jill accepted. Two hours after the barbecue started, they called to say they weren't coming.

My dilemma: I do not want to make any more plans with this couple because they make no effort to see us. My husband thinks I am being mean when I tell him not to invite them to any of our functions. What do you think? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I think you have been incredibly tolerant. After Jack dropped the ball so many times, I'm puzzled why your husband continued to want him in your wedding party.

From their track record, I see no harm in continuing to invite Jack and Jill to your functions, because the odds are, even if they do accept, they will not show up.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)