DEAR ABBY: I read with great interest your answer to "Concerned in Florida," who was worried that her husband might rekindle a romance with his former high school flame (and later his fiancee), a woman they both see socially from time to time. You advised her that such a romance would be highly unlikely, since "Concerned" has had 40 years of a good marriage and so has the old flame.

Abby, your conclusion certainly sounds reasonable, but it is incorrect. I have spent the last four years researching more than 1,000 couples worldwide who have reunited after many years apart. I have learned that these reunions are quite common, and the flame can reignite at any point. One couple had been separated for 63 years!

As I reported in my book, "Lost and Found Lovers: Facts and Fantasies of Rekindled Romances," overall, 72 percent of these renewed loves stayed together, and the percentage was even higher if they had been first loves. These are very stable, joyous and sexually passionate relationships the second time around. However, you should inform your readers that over 30 percent of these couples began their reunions while one (or both) of them was married to someone else!

These lovers often tell me -- sometimes between sobs -- that they are in good marriages and love their spouses; they NEVER intended to find themselves in affairs. The lost lovers met again innocently, often with their spouses present, and none was prepared for the "old feelings" to return full force. They feel torn between their marriages and their lost-and-found lovers -- but not for long. Rekindled romances are emotional steamrollers; they choose the old flame in most cases, leaving their bewildered, devastated spouses behind.

My research project is the only study of lost-and-found lovers ever conducted. For the first time, there are norms for these renewed romances.

My advice, based on my years of study, is to encourage single, divorced or widowed individuals to look for sweethearts or old friends from their past, but to strongly discourage married people from doing so.

Abby, please warn your readers that there is NOTHING safe about meeting with a former sweetheart, no matter how innocent the intentions, or how many years have passed, or how strong the marriage seems to be.

If "Concerned in Florida" invites her husband's old flame to his surprise birthday party, she might get badly burned. -- NANCY KALISH, PH.D., PROFESSOR OF PSYCHOLOGY, CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR DR. KALISH: Thank you for informing me of what has to have been a fascinating study, and for wanting to warn my readers. In the light of your research, I would like to formally retract my advice to "Concerned in Florida." In the future I will warn my married readers that old flames are potentially combustible: They can ignite without warning, and leave a marriage in ashes.

So, don't play with fire!

DEAR ABBY: May I add my story to your acts of kindness?

Two years ago, a friend who now lives in Israel came to visit me with her family. I had known her from my hometown back in Orleans, France. One evening, while I was surrounded by my grown children and my husband, she told me a story that I had never heard. She said my father (Leon Levenson), now deceased, had saved the lives of her entire family -- seven people -- during World War II by helping them hide their Jewish identity in order to avoid being killed by the invading Nazis.

After hearing this story, I realized that my father, who was short in stature, had been a giant among men and was truly one of those "unsung heroes" who never tell their stories.

I thank God for the opportunity to have known such a person in my lifetime. -- BETIE NEWTON, GLENDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR MRS. NEWTON: And I thank God that we're living in a country where people will never encounter the horror that was faced by your friend and your father. He was a man of great courage and conviction. Thank you for writing.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was upset when I read the letter from "Sally B." about bra straps. However, when I read the comments from other readers, I was furious!

I am a 50-year-old woman who wears a 34DD bra. Last year, I consulted a surgeon about breast reduction, but was told he wouldn't be able to take off enough for my insurance to pay for it.

He told me he would have to take off 5 ounces in order for them to pay for it -- and he could only remove 4 ounces without making me look bottom-heavy. They go by the average woman's height, which is 5 feet, 4 inches. I am only 5 feet tall, so until I can grow more chest, I'm out of luck.

During the hot summer months, wearing a bra is uncomfortable to say the least. I envy women who don't have to. The bras made to wear with tank tops have elastic straps. They don't work. Someone my size looks like a cow. Sure, having one made would do the trick, but a $50 bra is not in my budget. If I had that kind of money, I'd have the surgery.

Wasn't it said somewhere, "Judge not lest ye be judged"?

I'd be more than happy to let one of these flat-chested shrews walk a mile on a hot day with my boobs. -- CHRISTINE IN TACOMA

DEAR CHRISTINE: Before you give up on having breast reduction, get a second and third opinion about the medical necessity of the operation. If your breasts are so large they cause pain, surgery could be indicated. The doctors should write your insurance company stating the medical necessity for breast reduction, and request that the surgery be pre-authorized on that basis.

Another approach might be to ask your insurance agent to assist you in obtaining authorization.

DEAR ABBY: Who is "Sally B." to complain about bra straps showing? Abby, bras cost a lot of money these days, and they are beautiful.

I'm a teen who works part-time at a fast-food restaurant, and I worked for two whole days to pay for just one beautiful bra I wanted. When my beautiful bra strap shows, I think it's not only acceptable, but sexy, too. (I've even seen some teens wear black lace bras under open jackets or with vests, and it looked way cool!) -- CARRIE IN CLOVIS, N.M.

DEAR CARRIE: Beautiful undergarments are nothing new, but they are just that -- undergarments. If you want to show off something beautiful, save your money and flash your ever-expanding bank balance.

DEAR ABBY: I realize there are no absolutes in this world. However, I'd appreciate your opinion on the following question:

Can a man and a woman be friends if one of them is married? -- PONDERING IN PONTIAC, MICH.

DEAR PONDERING: Of course. Many married individuals have friends of the opposite sex. A stable marriage in which both partners really trust each other can accommodate friendships of either sex.

DEAR ABBY: You made the remark in defense of older people, "Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there's no fire in the furnace."

Abby, a male neighbor recently made a similar remark about my graying hair. I replied, "The fire in the furnace depends upon the stoker."

He never mentioned my gray hair again. -- EVELYN POTTS, NEWPORT NEWS, VA.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 years old and live with my grandmother because my mother and I don't get along.

My problem started two years ago when my father passed away. After only six months, my mother started dating "Allen." I thought it was too soon. Mom is very pretty. I know she can't live alone forever, but I don't think she had to grab the first man who came along. I wasn't sure how Allen would treat us, so I thought it would be better for me to move away. Now that I have met him and see the way he treats both my mother and my brother, I have no problem with him. Every time I go visit them I have a great time.

But now they are talking about getting married. I'm not sure of the date, but I think it's getting close. After my father died, Mom said she would remain a "Smith" (not our real last name) for the rest of her life. Now she's talking about marrying and changing her name!

I don't see why they have to get married. I think it will change their relationship for the worse. I told her that when they do get married, I won't be there. Maybe I shouldn't be that way, but that's the way I feel.

What should I do? Should I accept the fact that they may get married and be happy, or what? I'm confused. -- AFRAID MOM WILL MARRY

DEAR AFRAID: It is not surprising you are confused; however, rather than run from the problem, try to work through it with your mother.

It may seem that she is being disloyal to the memory of your father, but it is more likely that she has been lonely since his death, is worried about you and your brother, and wants a stable home life again.

Since you like Allen and the way he gets along with your mother and brother, there is a good chance you will be able to get along with him too. Remember, no one is trying to replace your father. Your family deserves another chance at happiness, and Allen may be instrumental in helping you all find it.

DEAR ABBY: A reader recently asked why we don't have classes in schools to teach kids patience, kindness, manners, not to litter, etc.

Psychologists say that children's personality traits, their ability to get along with others, their perception of right and wrong, their sense of humor, values and morals are formed by age 4. Children are a reflection of their home environment and parental training. Schools should reinforce what the children have already learned.

It's time parents realize that they are the most important "teachers" in their children's lives. Don't blame the schools. We're doing the best we can. -- OLD-FASHIONED TEACHER IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: You have stated it very well; however, not all children are fortunate enough to have parents who can teach them these vital lessons. The most enduring education comes from parents and teachers working together. To quote first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, "It takes a village to raise a child."

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)