DEAR ABBY: I was upset when I read the letter from "Sally B." about bra straps. However, when I read the comments from other readers, I was furious!

I am a 50-year-old woman who wears a 34DD bra. Last year, I consulted a surgeon about breast reduction, but was told he wouldn't be able to take off enough for my insurance to pay for it.

He told me he would have to take off 5 ounces in order for them to pay for it -- and he could only remove 4 ounces without making me look bottom-heavy. They go by the average woman's height, which is 5 feet, 4 inches. I am only 5 feet tall, so until I can grow more chest, I'm out of luck.

During the hot summer months, wearing a bra is uncomfortable to say the least. I envy women who don't have to. The bras made to wear with tank tops have elastic straps. They don't work. Someone my size looks like a cow. Sure, having one made would do the trick, but a $50 bra is not in my budget. If I had that kind of money, I'd have the surgery.

Wasn't it said somewhere, "Judge not lest ye be judged"?

I'd be more than happy to let one of these flat-chested shrews walk a mile on a hot day with my boobs. -- CHRISTINE IN TACOMA

DEAR CHRISTINE: Before you give up on having breast reduction, get a second and third opinion about the medical necessity of the operation. If your breasts are so large they cause pain, surgery could be indicated. The doctors should write your insurance company stating the medical necessity for breast reduction, and request that the surgery be pre-authorized on that basis.

Another approach might be to ask your insurance agent to assist you in obtaining authorization.

DEAR ABBY: Who is "Sally B." to complain about bra straps showing? Abby, bras cost a lot of money these days, and they are beautiful.

I'm a teen who works part-time at a fast-food restaurant, and I worked for two whole days to pay for just one beautiful bra I wanted. When my beautiful bra strap shows, I think it's not only acceptable, but sexy, too. (I've even seen some teens wear black lace bras under open jackets or with vests, and it looked way cool!) -- CARRIE IN CLOVIS, N.M.

DEAR CARRIE: Beautiful undergarments are nothing new, but they are just that -- undergarments. If you want to show off something beautiful, save your money and flash your ever-expanding bank balance.

DEAR ABBY: I realize there are no absolutes in this world. However, I'd appreciate your opinion on the following question:

Can a man and a woman be friends if one of them is married? -- PONDERING IN PONTIAC, MICH.

DEAR PONDERING: Of course. Many married individuals have friends of the opposite sex. A stable marriage in which both partners really trust each other can accommodate friendships of either sex.

DEAR ABBY: You made the remark in defense of older people, "Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there's no fire in the furnace."

Abby, a male neighbor recently made a similar remark about my graying hair. I replied, "The fire in the furnace depends upon the stoker."

He never mentioned my gray hair again. -- EVELYN POTTS, NEWPORT NEWS, VA.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 years old and live with my grandmother because my mother and I don't get along.

My problem started two years ago when my father passed away. After only six months, my mother started dating "Allen." I thought it was too soon. Mom is very pretty. I know she can't live alone forever, but I don't think she had to grab the first man who came along. I wasn't sure how Allen would treat us, so I thought it would be better for me to move away. Now that I have met him and see the way he treats both my mother and my brother, I have no problem with him. Every time I go visit them I have a great time.

But now they are talking about getting married. I'm not sure of the date, but I think it's getting close. After my father died, Mom said she would remain a "Smith" (not our real last name) for the rest of her life. Now she's talking about marrying and changing her name!

I don't see why they have to get married. I think it will change their relationship for the worse. I told her that when they do get married, I won't be there. Maybe I shouldn't be that way, but that's the way I feel.

What should I do? Should I accept the fact that they may get married and be happy, or what? I'm confused. -- AFRAID MOM WILL MARRY

DEAR AFRAID: It is not surprising you are confused; however, rather than run from the problem, try to work through it with your mother.

It may seem that she is being disloyal to the memory of your father, but it is more likely that she has been lonely since his death, is worried about you and your brother, and wants a stable home life again.

Since you like Allen and the way he gets along with your mother and brother, there is a good chance you will be able to get along with him too. Remember, no one is trying to replace your father. Your family deserves another chance at happiness, and Allen may be instrumental in helping you all find it.

DEAR ABBY: A reader recently asked why we don't have classes in schools to teach kids patience, kindness, manners, not to litter, etc.

Psychologists say that children's personality traits, their ability to get along with others, their perception of right and wrong, their sense of humor, values and morals are formed by age 4. Children are a reflection of their home environment and parental training. Schools should reinforce what the children have already learned.

It's time parents realize that they are the most important "teachers" in their children's lives. Don't blame the schools. We're doing the best we can. -- OLD-FASHIONED TEACHER IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: You have stated it very well; however, not all children are fortunate enough to have parents who can teach them these vital lessons. The most enduring education comes from parents and teachers working together. To quote first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, "It takes a village to raise a child."

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Mel" and I married two years ago. He was 67 and retired, a widower after 30-plus years of marriage, with two children and four grandchildren. I'm 54, stopped working when I married him, have three children and one grandchild. Mel and I now live in the same house he lived in with his wife.

Before the wedding I asked Mel if we were going to move. I made it clear that I didn't want to stay in his house. He promised we would move. Bottom line: It's been two years and now he says we're not moving. He's happy in this house, comfortable, etc. I once suggested that he let me change things around the house a little. His response: "What for? Everything is in its place. Besides, we're moving anyway."

What shall I do? He does not see things the way I do because he is not hurting emotionally. I have become very frustrated because even if we talk it out the whole day, he'll conveniently "forget" and not do anything about it. Abby, I'm not getting any younger and if I need to get a job, I should try to get one right now.

One other thing: He thinks money is everything. But I have proven to him that money is not everything to me by signing a prenuptial agreement wherein I get nothing. However, he always says he will provide for me when he's gone, that I will not go hungry, etc. How can I believe him when he cannot even make good on his word regarding moving? -- UNHAPPY IN ORANGE COUNTY, CALIF.

DEAR UNHAPPY: I am unable to determine from your letter if your husband is "forgetting" because he is selfish or whether it could be the beginning of senile dementia. But I urge you to protect yourself. By all means, find a job. You may need the income. Also, consult an attorney to find out how your husband will provide for you, should anything happen to him, in the aftermath of that prenuptial agreement you signed. I, too, wonder how you can believe his promise to take care of you, since he refuses to follow through about moving.

DEAR ABBY: I thought the letter from Ruth A. Davis of the U.S. State Department regarding consular officers at embassies abroad was both interesting and informative.

Several years ago, my husband and I were in Italy with another couple when our trunk was broken into. Everything was taken -- including my friend's purse containing her and her husband's passports.

Needless to say, it caused us untold problems. We had to change our travel plans to include a visit to the U.S. consulate in Milan. Fortunately, the hotel we had stayed at the prior evening had recorded our passport numbers so we were able to call and obtain the much-needed information. Only then could the embassy quickly issue new passports.

We learned a valuable lesson that you might like to pass on to your readers, Abby. Make a copy of your passport before you leave home and carry it with you while abroad, separate from your original passport. -- INFORMED TRAVELER, ATLANTA

DEAR INFORMED TRAVELER: Thank you for a helpful reminder. Another worthwhile safety measure: Record the numbers of your traveler's checks and keep them separate from the checks, in case of theft.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)