DEAR ABBY: I am writing to you out of sheer frustration. I have just read another account of a young woman, apparently unable to deal with the prospect of parenthood, doing away with her newborn child.

As an adoption attorney, I work with many couples who are desperate to adopt. If the young parents had any idea how easy it would be for them to arrange an adoption, and how many people would thank God for a chance to parent a child, perhaps they would not take the drastic step of abandoning, or killing and disposing of a newborn.

I know in many cases they are ashamed and frightened, and want no one to know of their pregnancy. Please tell them that the consequences of murdering their newborn child are far more frightening and shameful than acknowledging their pregnancy and placing the child for adoption could ever be.

They can call any adoption agency or adoption attorney, and they will be treated with respect and sensitivity. There is no obligation and no cost. (Look under Adoption Services in the Yellow Pages.) If young women would do this, they would answer a family's prayers and assure themselves and their babies a better future. Abandonment is not the answer. Neither is murder. Adoption is.

Thank you for the opportunity to say this. You may use my name. -- LINDA E.F. LACH, ATTORNEY AT LAW, LIHUE, HAWAII

DEAR LINDA: It is hard to imagine that in the 1990s, a young woman could find herself pregnant, and be so uninformed and fearful of her parents that she would choose not to confide in the people who are supposed to protect and guide her. However, in some families the girls feel they cannot let their parents down by admitting they were sexually active. In other families, the relationship between parents and child is so dysfunctional the girl's fears are real.

I am printing your excellent letter in the hope that every young woman will read it. Although they may never need the information, perhaps they'll have a friend who will, and it will help to save innocent lives.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from a woman who carried an unruly 3-year-old child (kicking and screaming) out of a store, and no one tried to stop her to find out if the child was her own, or if perhaps someone was trying to abduct the child.

Abby, parents should keep a family picture (mom, dad and children) in their purse or wallet as proof of parentage. -- MYRNA FELDMANN, DELANSON, N.Y.

DEAR MYRNA: Thank you for an excellent suggestion. Readers, make a note of this. It's good insurance.

DEAR ABBY: I laughed out loud at your response to "Wondering," whose husband had an affair three years before, but following surgery that left him impotent, he was very attentive to her. You were right on the money when you answered her question about why he had turned over a new leaf with, "Probably because there's not much left under the old one."

"Wondering" needs to wake up to the fact that her husband would still be cheating if he hadn't had the surgery. Now that his fun is over, he's staying closer to home.

My dog stopped jumping the fence after I got him neutered, but I sure wouldn't want to be married to him. -- STILL LAUGHING IN SAN DIEGO

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago you published the address for International Soundex Reunion Registry in Carson City, Nev. Please print it again and again.

When I was 17, I gave birth to a baby girl and put her up for adoption. I had no choice about it. I wanted her to have a good life. I always wanted to know my daughter and wanted her to know how much I loved her, so when she reached 18, I registered with ISRR. I faced a lot of criticism when I decided to let her find me.

Yesterday, she found me! It is the most wonderful, amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I've waited 33 years to know her and it was well worth the wait. She's beautiful inside and out, articulate and a college graduate. Never a day went by that her parents didn't let her know how loved she was.

When she walked in, she handed me a gift and said, "Happy Mother's Day." I have no other children and have waited all my life to hear those words. She had been searching for me since 1996, and had sent her registration to ISRR last week. At 4:30 Tuesday afternoon they called her and told her they had found her mother.

I'd like to offer a huge thank-you to the Websters for taking such good care of Laura Marie, and for guiding her and raising her. Her mother died last July of lung cancer, and I am heartbroken that I could not know her.

Another huge thank-you to International Soundex Reunion Registry. They made it all possible! To birth parents and adoptees: Register with Soundex. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Abby, please feel free to publish any or all of my letter, and our names. I want the world to know how happy we are. -- KATHLEEN KOEHLER, SANTA ANA, CALIF.

DEAR KATHLEEN AND LAURA MARIE: I'm pleased that your search ended so happily. It's gratifying to know I was able to help you find each other. Congratulations to you both.

The International Soundex Reunion Registry is a group I have recommended for many years. They are efficient, honest, and operate with the philosophy that neither the identity of the birth parents nor the adopted child shall be disclosed unless all parties are agreeable to a reunion. Birth parents and children can register, and when the children reach legal age -- if both parties are registered and want to find each other -- a match is made.

The address is: International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR), P.O. Box 2312, Carson City, Nev. 89702. Send a long (business size), stamped, self-addressed envelope to the registry and request Soundex forms.

DEAR ABBY: I am fuming! I heard it again today on the news -- I refer to the term "elderly." It went something like this:

"The elderly 63-year-old woman was able to give the police a description of her stolen automobile ..."

Abby, I am 69 years old and do not consider myself "elderly." Perhaps I don't walk as fast as I used to, but I still perform all my duties with enthusiasm and a clear mind. So I ask you, Abby, what age is "elderly"? -- JUST WONDERING IN CHICAGO HEIGHTS

DEAR WONDERING: My dictionary defines "elderly" as "being past middle age," a definition with which a growing number of people might disagree. I suspect that when many people use the term "elderly," what they really mean is "decrepit," which means "wasted and weakened by, or as if by, the infirmities of old age," which is no compliment.

Readers, please write and tell me how YOU would define "elderly."

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: Several weeks ago I began dating a man I care for very much. We discussed a future together and things seemed to fall into place. We thought it was wise to have HIV testing before we got too intimate -- which means we were very cautious -- but we did become intimate.

His test came back positive. He wasn't too shocked, nor was I. I care deeply for this man. He's 38 and I'm 31. We both have been married several times, and now I feel like I should never be with anyone else. I know the risk involved with staying with him. However, I can't imagine not being there when he needs me.

His lifestyle has changed in the last few months, and if he continues living a healthy lifestyle, he could live a fairly normal life, which I'd very much like to be part of.

I don't worry about his giving me AIDS, but I do worry about how I will take care of him if and when he gets sick. I have two wonderful kids ages 9 and 5. I want to see them grow up and have families of their own.

I've believed in God all my life, and never thought he would put me in a situation like this. I can't seem to understand what God wants from me, although I pray a lot lately. I'm afraid to consult our pastor with this private problem.

Can you help me sort this out? -- FAITHFUL MISSOURI READER

DEAR FAITHFUL READER: The recent breakthroughs in AIDS therapy have given new hope to many people. With luck, your boyfriend will be one of them.

According to Mervyn Silverman, M.D., past president of the American Foundation for AIDS Research (AmFAR), with proper protection, you can significantly reduce your risk and maintain your negative HIV status. Obviously this means NEVER letting your guard down, and always using protection with penetrative sex. For information on the best preventive methods, contact your local or state AIDS office.

Your boyfriend seems to be doing well, and with the new drug therapies, he could continue to do well for many years. However, should his condition worsen, there are home-care agencies to help you with his care. And in many communities there are support groups for caregivers of people with HIV. You should both look for the resources available to you. A call to the Centers for Disease Control AIDS hotline (1-800-342-2437) can help you in your search.

I wish you both the very best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: Our dad, age 60, divorced our mom five years ago, after 26 years of marriage. There are six children. Dad is soon to be married to a divorced woman with three grown children and grandchildren.

Shortly after our parents' divorce, Dad inherited a substantial amount of money because of the death of his mother and his aunt. Both his mother (our grandmother) and his aunt had intended that the six of us would be remembered through our father.

Would it be appropriate for us to ask Dad to make a prenuptial agreement to ensure our grandmother's and aunt's wishes are honored? -- THE WONDERING SIX

DEAR WONDERING SIX: I have said many times that a prenuptial agreement is a good idea for couples with property and children from previous marriages. However, the person to discuss that subject with your father should be his attorney, because although it shouldn't be, the issue is often emotionally charged.

Call your dad's attorney and suggest he (or she) talk to your father about prenuptial agreements.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)