life

Doctor Patient Confidentiality Doesn't Cover Plan for Murder

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 18th, 1997 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have received many phone calls since the appearance of Carol A. Tauer's letter in your column. Her otherwise interesting and informative letter concerning the ethical implications of the Catholic Church's position on the seal of the confessional contained a couple of errors that I hope you will correct.

It is well known in the Bay Area professional community that I was the treating psychologist (not psychiatrist, as Ms. Tauer states) at Cowell Memorial Hospital on the University of California-Berkeley campus for the patient who murdered Tatina Tarasoff.

Ms. Tauer, an ethics teacher in a Catholic college, said in her letter, "On appeal, the California Supreme Court rejected the psychiatrist's argument supporting absolute confidentiality, saying that a psychiatrist had a duty to warn or protect an identifiable potential victim ..."

But Abby, I never argued for complete confidentiality. When the patient told me of his intention to kill Ms. Tarasoff, I immediately informed the local police (in this case, the University of California Campus Police Department) and wrote a legal letter of commitment (countersigned by the chief psychiatrist of our department) with the intent of hospitalizing my patient. This was exactly the procedure directed by law at that time (1969).

The campus police interviewed my patient and released him, stating that he was "harmless." I wrote a SECOND letter of commitment -- again to no avail -- and contacted the police several more times urging them to save Ms. Tarasoff. They refused to act, and the patient stabbed Ms. Tarasoff to death.

Ms. Tauer's letter implies that I sat back passively, allowing a brutal and unnecessary murder to occur. The truth is I fought vigorously (but unsuccessfully) to prevent this act. Probably, Ms. Tauer refers to a "friend of the court" brief offered by the American Psychiatric Association in which they (not I) argued for complete confidentiality. -- LAWRENCE EARLE MOORE, PH.D., SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR DR. MOORE: Thank you for your letter. I received a great deal of mail concerning the issue of confidentiality, reflecting heated opinions on both sides of the question.

However, I want to make one point absolutely clear to my readers: You did, in fact, warn the police on at least two occasions. You did NOT rely upon any claim of confidentiality to keep the threats secret.

The Supreme Court opinion cited by Ms. Tauer does not make clear that you attempted to have the patient committed and did not keep the matter confidential.

life

Dear Abby for August 18, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 18th, 1997 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 62-year-old man who has been divorced for 25 years. I recently retired on a modest income and would like to travel twice a year to various places.

The problem is when I see an ad or a bargain on travel prices, it is so much per person, double occupancy. I enjoy my solitude and would prefer to take these trips alone. Aren't there more options for a single person other than singles cruises that don't penalize one for traveling alone? I would appreciate any information you can provide. -- TROUBLED TOURIST

DEAR TROUBLED TOURIST: Several travel agents confirmed that there are no price breaks for people traveling alone. Rooms and/or cabins are made to accommodate a minimum of two people, and hotels or cruise lines lose money when space is provided to one individual. Single travelers are therefore charged a "single supplement," which is approximately 65 percent of the double occupancy rate. Regrettably, those who travel alone must pay a price for solitude.

If there are options that I'm not aware of, I'm sure my readers will let me know.

life

Dear Abby for August 18, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 18th, 1997 | Letter 3 of 3

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Wife Hesitates to Bare All With Family and Friends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 1997 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Last year a family with three children the ages of ours (5, 7 and 11) moved to our block. These are the nicest kids you could imagine. Our children get along famously with them.

After a month or two, their mom mentioned that they normally skinny-dip in their pool and wondered how we felt about our kids doing so when they were visiting. When I explained that we believe in keeping the body private, she assured me that they would be clothed whenever we visited, and nothing more was said about it.

We have socialized with them throughout the year and really enjoyed it. In addition to their swimming naked, I was told that everyone in their family sleeps in the nude, so I can only assume they walk around naked from time to time.

My husband and I began wearing nightclothes when our first child was nearing 2 because we were both raised to believe that exposing oneself to children was harmful. Yet I keep wondering if it is so harmful, why is this family so well-adjusted?

Frankly, my husband and I would like to sleep in the nude again and I would like to skinny-dip in their pool, but I'm confused as to what is right and wrong. Can you help? -- ELLEN C. IN VALENCIA, CALIF.

DEAR ELLEN: There is no "right" or "wrong" here. How one feels about nudity is a personal decision.

life

Dear Abby for August 17, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 1997 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I have never seen addressed in your column or anybody else's. It's doctors who scribble prescriptions in such a hurry that they can't be read, and pharmacists who fail to double-check them with the doctor.

My frail 95-year-old mother was given a double dose of strong medicine by mistake because of a hastily scribbled prescription. The pharmacist didn't check with the doctor -- he just filled it. The nurse at the doctor's office said this happens all the time.

Another patient was taking medicine four times a day when the prescription should have stated "daily."

My son was given only 100 mg. of medication when it should have been 300 mg.

Abby, this is important. What good is it to have a high-priced doctor if no one can read the prescriptions he writes and the pharmacist doesn't take the time to call and check it out? -- ANGRY IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR ANGRY: Your letter is well worth space in my column. Doctors, please take care when writing prescriptions. And pharmacists, if you can't read the prescription, call and check with the doctor who wrote it.

life

Dear Abby for August 17, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 1997 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman who has been dating a very nice man for the past year. He is a perfect gentleman, intelligent, kind, comfortably retired and has many friends.

This relationship could lead to marriage. We enjoy each other's company and like to do the same things.

The only thing holding me back is his language. He uses terms like "dis, dat and dem" for "this, that and them."

This may seem childish, but I just can't accept the way he speaks. Sometimes I am embarrassed when we are with friends.

Should I tell him how I feel? He is such a nice person, but I think I will probably quit seeing him because of the language problem. Sign me ... MEANT FOR EACH OTHER IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR MEANT FOR EACH OTHER: The gentleman who is "comfortably retired" would find it very difficult, if not impossible, to change the way he speaks. If you can't accept him as he is and you find him an embarrassment, do him a favor and let him go.

life

Dear Abby for August 17, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 17th, 1997 | Letter 4 of 4

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Basketball Coach Bounces Back From Battle With Breast Cancer

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 16th, 1997 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 34 years old and coach high school volleyball and basketball. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last November. I had a radical mastectomy on Wednesday, Nov. 20, and was at our green-and-gold basketball game Saturday, Nov. 23. I returned to practice on Monday, Nov. 26. I haven't missed a practice or a basketball game from that time on.

I owe my speedy recovery to the support of my family, friends, players and co-workers. Nothing heals better than love, hope and a purpose. I have found that each good day has turned into a good week. Each good week has turned into a good month, and with God's grace, each good month will turn into a good year and a good lifetime.

My advice to breast cancer victims: Get back to your life as soon as possible. Use your friends for support. Find the best doctors and treatment you can, then find a way to enjoy the life you have been given.

By the end of December, I had played one-on-one basketball and gone bowling and swimming. I constantly looked for ways to challenge myself to be "normal" again. Breast cancer is not a death sentence. As a matter of fact, it has been a wake-up call to life. Even with breast cancer, it's great to be alive. -- MADELYN FLENOR, ALMA, ARK.

DEAR MADELYN: I am printing your letter as an inspiration to other breast cancer survivors. Your letter is truly amazing. However, people must keep in mind that not everyone heals at the same rate, and should give themselves permission to experience their recovery at their own pace. The best of luck to you.

life

Dear Abby for August 16, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 16th, 1997 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am very worried about my 32-year-old son. I'll call him "Rob." He is the oldest of three sons, all of whom still live at home. My two younger sons are doing well. However, Rob is very shy and solitary. He was fired from each of the three jobs he has held (as a computer programmer) -- ostensibly for being slow. He was advised by one of his supervisors to get into Toastmasters. He never did.

He lost his most recent job almost a year and a half ago. He now seems to be in a rut and has made no effort to find employment. His only social contact apparently is a weekly bike ride with his bike club.

I work, so I am out of the house five days a week. He has continued to pay room and board, as he had considerable savings. However, those savings are now drying up, and I cannot and will not pay his car insurance bill when it's due.

I keep urging him to get his resume up-to-date and start looking for work. He doesn't even glance at the help-wanted ads. His brothers have both expressed the opinion that he needs therapy -- but doesn't he have to want to get help for himself?

Two months ago I set a time limit of six weeks in which he had to be "actively seeking employment" or move in with his father. He did nothing except work on his resume a minimal amount. He justifies his lack of action by saying that he just keeps procrastinating. I did not enforce the penalty and make him move out.

I have a feeling he'll wait until he's almost broke and this may spur him into action. But then I worry that he may get fired all over again and his confidence will suffer even more.

I feel I should do something for him, but I'm not sure what. Any suggestions you could offer would be tremendously appreciated. -- WORRIED MOTHER, NORTH HOLLYWOOD, CALIF.

DEAR WORRIED MOTHER: Your son is overdue for a physical examination and a mental evaluation. He is not operating on all cylinders, and he needs more help than I can offer in a letter.

life

Dear Abby for August 16, 1997

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 16th, 1997 | Letter 3 of 3

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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