DEAR ABBY: I am 34 years old and coach high school volleyball and basketball. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last November. I had a radical mastectomy on Wednesday, Nov. 20, and was at our green-and-gold basketball game Saturday, Nov. 23. I returned to practice on Monday, Nov. 26. I haven't missed a practice or a basketball game from that time on.

I owe my speedy recovery to the support of my family, friends, players and co-workers. Nothing heals better than love, hope and a purpose. I have found that each good day has turned into a good week. Each good week has turned into a good month, and with God's grace, each good month will turn into a good year and a good lifetime.

My advice to breast cancer victims: Get back to your life as soon as possible. Use your friends for support. Find the best doctors and treatment you can, then find a way to enjoy the life you have been given.

By the end of December, I had played one-on-one basketball and gone bowling and swimming. I constantly looked for ways to challenge myself to be "normal" again. Breast cancer is not a death sentence. As a matter of fact, it has been a wake-up call to life. Even with breast cancer, it's great to be alive. -- MADELYN FLENOR, ALMA, ARK.

DEAR MADELYN: I am printing your letter as an inspiration to other breast cancer survivors. Your letter is truly amazing. However, people must keep in mind that not everyone heals at the same rate, and should give themselves permission to experience their recovery at their own pace. The best of luck to you.

DEAR ABBY: I am very worried about my 32-year-old son. I'll call him "Rob." He is the oldest of three sons, all of whom still live at home. My two younger sons are doing well. However, Rob is very shy and solitary. He was fired from each of the three jobs he has held (as a computer programmer) -- ostensibly for being slow. He was advised by one of his supervisors to get into Toastmasters. He never did.

He lost his most recent job almost a year and a half ago. He now seems to be in a rut and has made no effort to find employment. His only social contact apparently is a weekly bike ride with his bike club.

I work, so I am out of the house five days a week. He has continued to pay room and board, as he had considerable savings. However, those savings are now drying up, and I cannot and will not pay his car insurance bill when it's due.

I keep urging him to get his resume up-to-date and start looking for work. He doesn't even glance at the help-wanted ads. His brothers have both expressed the opinion that he needs therapy -- but doesn't he have to want to get help for himself?

Two months ago I set a time limit of six weeks in which he had to be "actively seeking employment" or move in with his father. He did nothing except work on his resume a minimal amount. He justifies his lack of action by saying that he just keeps procrastinating. I did not enforce the penalty and make him move out.

I have a feeling he'll wait until he's almost broke and this may spur him into action. But then I worry that he may get fired all over again and his confidence will suffer even more.

I feel I should do something for him, but I'm not sure what. Any suggestions you could offer would be tremendously appreciated. -- WORRIED MOTHER, NORTH HOLLYWOOD, CALIF.

DEAR WORRIED MOTHER: Your son is overdue for a physical examination and a mental evaluation. He is not operating on all cylinders, and he needs more help than I can offer in a letter.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago at the request of an elderly woman, you published a touching poem that Jimmy Stewart had read on the Johnny Carson show. In the past few weeks, the media have said much about his various roles in the movies, but I've heard no mention of this poem, although it truly reflects the type of man he was.

Could you please run it again as a tribute to the late Jimmy Stewart? -- KATHY LONG, READING, PA.

DEAR KATHY: With pleasure. Jimmy Stewart was loved by many people. The touching poem is titled "Beau" -- and here it is:

"BEAU" by Jimmy Stewart

He never came to see me when I would call --

Unless I had a tennis ball.

But mostly he didn't come at all.

When he was young, he never learned to heel or sit or stay.

He did things his own way.

Discipline was not his bag.

But when you were with him, things sure didn't drag.

He'd dig up a rosebush to spite me

And when I'd grab him, he'd bite me.

He bit lots of folks from day to day.

The delivery boy was his favorite prey.

The gas man wouldn't read our meter.

He said we owned a real man-eater.

He set the house on fire, but the story is long to tell.

Suffice to say, he survived, and the house survived as well.

On evening walks, and Gloria took him,

He was always first out the door.

The old one and I brought up the rear because our bones were sore.

He'd charge up the street with Mom hanging on --

What a beautiful pair they were!

And if it was still light and the tourists were out,

They created a bit of a stir.

But every once in a while he'd stop in his tracks

With a frown on his face, and look around.

It was just to make sure the old one was there

To follow him where he was bound.

We're early bedders at our house,

I guess the first to retire,

And as I would leave the room,

He'd look at me from his place by the fire.

He knew where the tennis balls were upstairs.

I'd give him one for a while.

He'd push it under the bed with his nose,

And I'd push it out with a smile.

Before very long, he'd tire of the ball

And he would be asleep in his corner in no time at all.

And there were nights when I'd feel him climb upon our bed

And lie between us and I'd pat his head.

There were nights when I'd feel his stare,

And I'd wake up and he'd be sitting there.

I'd reach out to stroke his fur,

And sometimes I'd feel him sigh.

I think I know the reason why.

He'd wake up at night and he would have this fear

Of the dark, of life, of lots of things

And he'd be glad to have me near.

And now he's dead, and there are nights when I think

I feel him climb upon our bed.

And be between us, and I'd pat his head.

And there are nights when I think I feel that stare

And I reach out my hand to stroke his hair

And he's not there.

Oh, how I wish that wasn't so --

I'll always love a dog named Beau.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading your column on first cousins marrying, I thought I'd better let you know the downside: when it doesn't work out.

I was also involved with a "kissing cousin" many years ago, and there are consequences one doesn't think of until it's too late.

To start with, you fight to get the other family members to accept that you're involved with each other. Then, when it goes sour and you can't stand to be around each other, who do you turn to?

From experience I can tell you: No one! You suffer in silence because everyone told you it would not work out and you wouldn't listen. I can tell you, it's easier to break off a relationship with an outsider than with a relative. It's 100 times harder when it's family. You cause divisions and pain when you get together, and it's worse when you split. There's more pain than you could ever imagine for both those involved and the families.

You are expected to attend family functions and pretend it never happened, to be polite and try to be civil to each other even though you're dying inside and, wish as you may, you can never go back to "before."

Please advise anyone contemplating a relationship with a relative. Think long and hard before you leap. Your paths will cross again and again, and your life will never be the same! Been there, done that and regretting it ... SOMEWHERE IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR SOMEWHERE: That's sage advice. Most of the questions I receive regarding marriage among cousins reflect concerns about the genetic aspects of such a union -- not the emotional price that's paid in the event of a failure.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is past menopause and she could go the rest of her life without sex. I like to kiss good morning, good night, goodbye, hello and other times just because it's nice. She doesn't.

Neither does she like to be touched -- during the day or at night. I have tried everything I can think of. I finally got her to talk to her doctor. He recommended hormones.

She refused to take them because they might give her cancer and restart her periods. I talked to her doctor about the risk of cancer. He said it was so remote he didn't consider it.

She maintains this is normal for women past 60. I can't believe she is right, but have no data to refute it. I have tried to get her to go to counseling, but she refuses because she thinks it would be embarrassing.

Is this normal? What do you suggest for a solution? Please don't use my name. -- LOOKING FOR LOVE IN DALLAS

DEAR LOOKING: No, it is not normal. Your wife's problem seems to be her attitude. She has stated what she won't do; ask her what she is willing to do, and plan your life accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: Whenever I get into a discussion with someone who has never raised kids, I summarize what it's like being a parent in one sentence:

"You spend the first 12 years of their lives worried to death that someone may harm them; you spend the next six wanting to kill them yourself." -- TURNING GRAY IN CHANDLER, ARIZ.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)