DEAR ABBY: My hairdresser (whom I have patronized for 14 years) recently started a conversation about tipping. It began with his telling me how much his previous customer had tipped him. It was a very large amount. Then he started talking about how cheap some people are and how little they tip. He said he wouldn't put himself out for people who don't tip him appropriately.

The conversation left me feeling uncomfortable and I ended up tipping him more than I would usually tip, which, of course, made me angry.

Abby, do you think this was an appropriate conversation for a hairdresser to have with a client? I would also be interested in hearing what your readers think is an appropriate amount to tip. Please don't use my name or location. Thank you for your help. -- CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS: According to Letitia Baldrige's "The New Manners for the '90s" (Rawson Associates, N.Y.):

"At an expensive, posh place, you would tip:

"20 percent of the total bill to your hairdresser if you're having a cut or color or perm; 15 percent of the total bill if you are just having a wash and set or a wash and blow-dry.

"$2 to the shampoo person.

"$2 minimum or 15 percent of the cost of the manicure to the manicurist.

"At a modest establishment, you would tip:

"10 percent of the bill to the hairdresser.

"$1 to the shampoo person (if your hairdresser and shampoo person are one and the same, $1 more for the shampoo).

"$1 to $2 to the manicurist."

For a hairdresser to tell a client how much (or little) the previous customer tipped is inexcusable -- and also stupid. If you like him, give him this "tip" from me: NEVER discuss how much (or little) other clients tip.

DEAR ABBY: Have you considered a book of the many "How We Met" stories your readers have sent you?

I particularly love how Cupid arranges for people to get together! I have clipped items whenever you have printed them -- they are uplifting, each with an element of unsuspected chance.

If you already have such a book, please let me know. I would love to buy it. -- KAREN DREW, RUSSELLVILLE, ALA.

DEAR KAREN: I do not have such a book, and at this time I haven't the time to compile one. However, your idea is a good one, and one which I'm sure would make several interesting columns. So, Dear Readers, if you met your mate in an unusual way, please let me know.

DEAR ABBY: You published a letter last winter that keeps popping up in my mind. It was signed "His Wife." The writer was complaining that her good-looking, well-educated, clean, "good daddy," wonderful husband wanted to help around the house -- but what he did wasn't up to her standards.

Please ask her to send him to me. I'll trade him for my good-looking, well-educated, clean, sometimes "good daddy," who is also a mean, bad-tempered, abusive, name-calling, complaining and usually absent husband. I promise he will never get in her way or do things wrong, because he'll never lift a finger to do anything in the house.

I will love and appreciate her husband, the dingy clothes he washes, the undercooked/overcooked meals he prepares, and most of all, his presence. -- EAGER TO SWITCH IN OHIO

DEAR EAGER: I'm willing to wager that when "His Wife" sees your letter, she'll hang on to the husband she has. Yours sounds like a doozy.

(Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.)

DEAR ABBY: Several times I have read in your column a list of danger signals that suggest someone may be addicted to alcohol. I brushed it off the first time I saw it since it "obviously didn't refer to me."

I had a good job, a loving wife, eight children and a nice home. I was a social drinker and never missed work due to drinking. At first my wife occasionally nagged me about my drinking.

As time passed, things began to worsen. Co-workers whom I considered less capable were given the promotions I felt I deserved. My relationship with my wife began to unravel, and she avoided my advances. My kids grew older and their friends came to our home less and less often.

When we had a social gathering, my wife and children would beg me not to drink. My health began to deteriorate. More than once my wife threatened to take the kids and leave. Then I would cut down on my drinking and she'd relent, but soon I was hitting the bottle again.

The next time my wife threatened to leave, I thought to myself, "Go, and be damned! If I can't have a few drinks without your nagging, I'd be better off without you." I didn't say it, but it frightened me that I thought it.

Then I saw the test for alcoholism in your column again. I took it and passed with flying colors. However, my conscience wouldn't let me get away with the lies I told myself when I took the test, so I took it again -- this time honestly. You had said that if you answered yes to four or more questions, you had a drinking problem. I answered yes to seven. I finally had to admit I had a problem.

To make a long story short, I've been sober for 12 years now. It wasn't easy. I had that terrible urge to drink several times a year for a few years, but I was able to resist.

I like myself a lot better sober, and so do my wife and children. Abby, please reprint your test; you might help someone else. -- SOMEONE WHO FINALLY GOT SOME SENSE

DEAR SOMEONE: Congratulations on your sobriety. I'm pleased to print the test again.

Readers, if you are unsure whether or not you have an alcohol problem, take this test:

(1) Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but lasted only a couple of days? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(2) Do you wish people would stop nagging you about your drinking? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(3) Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another hoping that would keep you from getting drunk? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(4) Have you had a drink in the morning during the past year? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(5) Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(6) Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(7) Has your drinking caused trouble at home? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(8) Do you ever try to get extra drinks at a party because you did not get enough to drink? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(9) Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking anytime you want, even though you keep getting drunk? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(10) Have you missed days at work because of drinking? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(11) Do you have "blackouts"? Yes ( ); No ( ).

(12) Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink? Yes ( ); No ( ).

If you answered yes to four or more of these questions, you are in trouble. Run, do not walk to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with one another in order to solve a common problem, and to help others to recover from alcoholism.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for membership. It is self-supporting through voluntary contributions.

Look for AA in your phone book, or write to P.O. Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10017, for information.

Good luck and God bless you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: From time to time you ask your readers to air their gripes. I have a few suggestions for restaurant personnel.

Please don't ask if we are senior citizens. Some of us may be -- but we don't want to announce it. Senior citizens who want to take advantage of the discounts will ask for them.

And please do not ask if the young person with them is their grandchild. Especially with people having children later these days, it is very often one's child.

Personally I don't like being called "young lady" when I'm obviously not young. Same goes for "young man." It's just as insulting as "old man" or "old lady," as it calls attention to age.

One last suggestion: When you pick up the customer's cash to pay for the meal, don't ask if he or she wants change. Of course they do: If they want you to keep the change, they will tell you. -- ELLIE IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR ELLIE: You have made some valuable suggestions. We all know a few people who could benefit from them.

DEAR ABBY: Since this seems to be a time when smokers are finding it increasingly difficult to find a place where they are allowed to smoke, it may be a good time for them to quit.

My husband made that big decision. However, he feels that if you give something up, you should have some reward to show for it. Without saying a word to anyone, he began putting the cost of each day's cigarettes into a bucket.

One lazy weekend, he surprised us by bringing his bucket of money to us to count. Believe it or not, we had enough for a well-funded family vacation. -- NAN IN WYANDOTTE, MICH.

DEAR NAN: I believe it. If all who smoke would count the cost of their habit for a year, they might find that they too could afford a vacation, or something equally rewarding. This, of course, would be in addition to better health.

Readers, take the challenge and see what your cigarettes are costing you each year. Do you really want that much money to go up in smoke?

DEAR ABBY: I recently submitted a letter to USA Weekend in response to a poll on home-schooling. The editor printed only the last sentence of my letter. It read, "No person learns social skills by staying at home."

Abby, home-schooling was not a good experience for me. I had an isolated, abusive and lonely childhood. A local woman, on reading the sentence the editor published, went into a tizzy. "Home-schooled children are not isolated," she declared to our local newspaper. She insisted that her children were not isolated, and to hear her tell it, they were little wonders due to being educated at home.

Had the editor published my entire letter, she would have realized that I was speaking only about myself. However, she gave me food for thought. It dawned on me that when we hear praise for home-schooling, it always comes from the parents.

Abby, how about giving the children a chance to express their feelings about home-schooling? -- OPAL IN OREGON

DEAR OPAL: You asked for it, you got it. Students of home-schooling, may I hear from you?

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)