DEAR ABBY: Not long ago, I wrote to you in desperation. I told you that my father, at 54 years of age, was sent to prison for seven years for attempting to hijack a car while drunk. No weapons were involved. He had never had so much as a traffic ticket before that. I wrote:

"My father has approximately 14 months left to serve, and he has terminal cancer.

"This is the second time the cancer has returned, and this time it has come back with a vengeance. He is suffering horrible pain, for which he is being given only aspirin, and is receiving no treatment at all for the cancer. I have talked to the warden and the medical staff at the prison, to no avail.

"I know my father broke the law. But he is now completely immobile, his weight is down to 105 pounds, and he spends his days wracked with pain. I realize there is no excuse for breaking the law, but I don't think a first-time offender should pay with his life the way my father is.

"I have spent hundreds of dollars on phone calls, faxes and letters, but haven't found anyone who will help. My father doesn't have long to live. I want him near so I can give him the love and care he deserves until his time is up and he has gone on to a better place. What can I do?"

Abby, I was shocked when you phoned me after you received my letter. You suggested I speak to Judy Greenspan, director of the Catholic Charities of the East Bay HIV/AIDS in Prison Project in Oakland, Calif. Your call was the first ray of hope I had received.

With Ms. Greenspan's painstaking effort, my father was finally released from prison. He was so ill by then that he had to be placed immediately in the hospital. I was by his side when he passed away one week later. His last moments were peaceful.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Because of you and Ms. Greenspan, my father didn't have to die alone. His last days were spent in relative comfort, surrounded by loving family. -- C.S. IN TULARE, CALIF.

DEAR C.S.: Please accept my condolences on the loss of your father. Your letters touched my heart. When I received your first letter, I spoke to Judy Greenspan who confirmed that it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, for terminally ill prisoners to obtain early release from their sentences.

Prison officials are reluctant to support compassionate-release programs even when inmates are so ill they no longer pose a threat to society. Prisons, which are already filled to capacity, now have a large population of prisoners with serious illnesses. They generally receive little medical attention, and the cost of incarcerating them is more than three times that of housing prisoners who are not sick.

Advocates of compassionate release maintain that society gains nothing by keeping dying prisoners locked behind bars, and that releasing them is both compassionate and fiscally responsible.

In California, legislation is pending to streamline the release of terminally ill inmates who no longer pose a threat to society. It is hoped that federal leadership and legislation will follow, so that families will not have to endure this hardship.

For more information about compassionate release, contact Judy Greenspan, director, Catholic Charities of the East Bay HIV/AIDS in Prison Project, 433 Jefferson St., Oakland, Calif. 94607; or e-mail her at judyg@igc.org.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a sophomore in college. Last summer I met a wonderful young man. He gave me his phone number, and a week later, we went on our first date. When he asked me out for a second date, I accepted.

In the months that followed, he became the love of my life. We fell in love and I became part of his family. We found everything we had been looking for in each other. He was the first to mention marriage and having a family -- he even talked about where he'd like us to live. He promised nothing would ever come between us.

After all these promises, he just informed me that his career is his No. 1 priority now, and he doesn't have time for me. His change of heart came about abruptly, and I don't know why. I am devastated. I know there are many fish in the sea, but he's the only fish I want.

This breakup is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Every day I pray we'll get back together. Abby, have you any suggestions for mending a broken heart? -- BROKENHEARTED IN WAUSAU, WIS.

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Yes. Don't sit alone and brood. Attend parties, school affairs and develop new interests. One of the most effective therapies for a broken heart is to keep busy! Avoid the "old reminders" that tend to make you moody and broody, such as "your" song.

Get rid of the photographs of you with him -- as well as any souvenirs or gifts he gave you.

Once a relationship is over, all of the note-writing, phoning or conniving will not help your cause. Don't ask a mutual friend to help you "get him back." It will only make you appear foolish.

Chalk this up to experience. There is no growth without some pain. And remember, it only hurts for a little while.

DEAR ABBY: I know your column deals mainly with people's problems, but occasionally I see a humorous item included. Since the computer is thrust on me whether I like it or not, I'm enclosing an original poem that shows how I feel about their "infallibility"!

I hope you get a smile out of it, as I often get a smile out of your column, among the more serious items. -- LORAINE REXFORD, FORT LAUDERDALE, FLA.

DEAR LORAINE: The poem is witty, and I'm sure my readers will find it as amusing as I did. Read on:

OWED TWO COMPUTERS

BUY

LORAINE REXFORD

THEE spell check on my computer

Tells WON if a word is an AIR,

I'm SEW glad TWO have this convenience

We FILL BETTOR because it is THEIR.

WEE RING ARE hands when we're worried

ARE spelling may KNOT BEE WRITE,

Webster WOOD TERN INN his grave

TOO NO WEE OUR KNOT SEW bright.

SEAMS the old-fashioned dictionary

Showed AWL the words clear and clean.

SEW what WOOD WEE DUE without it

TWO SEA if words say what WEE mean?

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister calls me a "party pooper" because I seldom attend our family's social gatherings, of which there are many. If a fly dies, they throw a party.

My family think of themselves as "fun people," but the truth is, they'll use any excuse to drink. This is their choice, but it's not mine.

I don't enjoy Mom and Dad's slurred attempts at conversation during these get-togethers. Nor do I like watching Aunt Millie trip over herself on the dance floor, Uncle Jim telling off-color jokes or his wife laughing like a hyena.

It was bad enough when I had to observe this behavior when I was growing up, but I have drawn the line at having my children witness this disgraceful conduct.

Am I wrong in trying to protect my children from these scenes? -- EMBARRASSED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: No. Not only are you protecting your children, you are also sparing your relatives from embarrassing themselves in front of the children, with whom they may wish to have a relationship in the future. Should any of them sober up someday, they may thank you.

DEAR ABBY: The letter written by "Been There in Florida," the mother who was concerned that her son might inherit his father's abusiveness, was right on the money. I am a mother who stayed in an abusive marriage "for the sake of the children."

Finally, after 23 years, I left that marriage when I realized that my life was at stake. I left when the children went off to college, and I started over with no financial help from my husband. I was still too emotionally involved to see the damage it had done to the children.

I now realize staying in the abusive marriage did not benefit my children. My son has spent time in prison for his aggressive behavior toward his girlfriend and now must attend anger management counseling for three years. My son and former husband are master manipulators. Both father and son can be charming, and then on a moment's notice and without any provocation turn into angry, aggressive, abusive monsters.

My daughter is afraid she will marry someone like her father. She has no faith in her ability to judge people; she doesn't stand up for herself and tends to minimize abusive behavior. She will do anything to keep the peace. Her low self-esteem is due to the abuse she received from her father and brother while she was growing up.

Living in an abusive marriage is also very lonely. My definition of loneliness is being in the company of someone, yet feeling entirely alone because no intimacy exists.

I have now built a new life, and although it is filled with peace, tranquility, honesty and happiness, I'm sad to say it is without my son and the financial advantages I once had. We make our own quality of life when we leave an abusive situation. Perhaps it's not as comfortable financially, but it's far more gratifying, and definitely more peaceful. -- L.P. IN WRIGHTWOOD, CALIF.

DEAR L.P.: Congratulations on having built a new life. Children benefit from living in an emotionally nourishing environment. It's easy to say that children need a two-parent household in order to become healthy adults; however, evidence has shown that children raised in an environment of tension, conflict and abuse often repeat these behaviors in adulthood, or become withdrawn and depressed and take on the role of victim.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)