DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 40s, and I have been involved with "Rick" for so many years I have lost count. He has been separated from his wife since before I met him, but he has not divorced her. Rick is at my place all the time except when he sees his son. Neither his son nor any of his family knows about me. His mother died recently, and it hurt not to accompany him to her funeral. But, of course, I couldn't attend because his family would find out he has a girlfriend.

Sometimes Rick has different days off work than I do. I don't know what he does on those days, but I've heard that he sees other women. I know for a fact that he keeps in touch with his former girlfriend.

Rick thinks I am content with the status quo, but I feel my life is one big lie. I'm tired of being nothing more than a convenience; however, I've been with him so long, I don't know how to move on.

Abby, please tell me how to get on with my life -- sans Rick -- without hurting his feelings. Sign me ... TIRED OF THE STATUS QUO

DEAR TIRED: Why should you be concerned about hurting Rick's feelings? He has no qualms about hurting yours by denying your existence to his family and friends. Face the fact that Rick has no intention of making a commitment. If he did, he would be divorced and dating you openly.

Since you are no longer content to be hidden, summon the courage to leave, and give yourself the opportunity to meet a man who will make a commitment to you. You may suffer for a while, but time is a great healer, and when you find your Prince Charming, you will be glad you cut Rick out of your life. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I am not sure who to consult about an embarrassing habit. I am a 30-year-old male who wants to stop sucking his thumb.

Research at public libraries and bookstores has led nowhere. I seek your advice or referral for where I can obtain self-help literature or professional help for my problem. If there is a charge for your service, please let me know. I remember having read something in your column years ago about adults who suck their thumb. Thanks for your consideration. -- PHIL IN OREGON

DEAR PHIL: There is no charge for my advice. What you need is behavior modification. Try this: Put a rubber band loosely on your wrist. When the urge to suck your thumb strikes, snap the rubber band hard enough to remind you to resist the habit. Soon you will associate the "sting" with the urge to suck your thumb, and because of the discomfort, you will reject the urge.

DEAR ABBY: You recently published a letter from a man whose wife had been buying him panty girdles for the last six years because she couldn't find a support garment for men. I am delighted to tell you that products designed specifically for men do exist.

These "trimmers" are advertised in catalogs such as SelfCare, Dr. Leonard's, The Vermont Country Store, Voice of the Mountains and Walter Drake -- to mention a few.

The problem with men using products designed for women is that there are obvious anatomical differences that are not accommodated in the women's versions. These design differences can lead to major, long-term problems for a gentleman's health and well-being.

How do I know this? I am an engineer who was presented the challenge (by a team of doctors) of building a comfort solution for men's briefs. I am the first woman in the world to hold utility patents on men's underwear. No joke. Three years of development research have made the need for socially embarrassing adjustments a thing of the past.

If your curiosity is piqued, stop by our Web site at www.e2u.com. -- CYNTHIA DUNNING MICHELS, FOUNDER, ERGO INC.

DEAR MS. MICHELS: Congratulations for having the foresight to recognize an expanding market. I wish you continued success.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was interested to read the letter about genital warts from "Keeping My Pants On in Florida." As a gynecologist, I agree that prevention of sexually transmitted disease is the best solution to this enormous medical problem.

The same sexually transmitted virus that causes genital warts (HPV) is the most common cause of cervical cancer. The more sexual partners you have had, or the more partners your partner has had, the greater your risk of coming into contact with this virus.

Another important risk is the age at which a person becomes sexually active, since during adolescence the cells of the cervix are more susceptible to this infection. Therefore, intercourse at an early age increases the risk of getting cervical precancer and cancer.

HPV is often detectable during a regular gynecologic examination. A routine Pap smear is a fairly effective way to find this virus on the cervix, long before it has caused cervical cancer.

Treatment for both genital warts and abnormal Pap smears can be easily performed in the doctor's office with minimal discomfort. Hysterectomy is rarely necessary. And the development of cervical cancer and death is avoidable if women will simply have yearly examinations and Pap smears. -- WILLIAM H. PARKER, M.D., SANTA MONICA, CALIF.

DEAR DR. PARKER: Thank you for this information. Since many people suffer from genital warts, I'm sure it will be appreciated. You are not the only medical professional who wrote to comment about the letter from "Keeping My Pants On in Florida." Read on for another response:

DEAR ABBY: The man in Florida who acquired genital warts from his girlfriend after having sex with her for the first time was under the false assumption that had he used a condom he would not have contracted this virus.

Condoms are ineffective in preventing the transmission of genital warts or herpes. They are transmitted by intimate skin-to-skin contact in areas that the condom does not cover. These viruses also shed beyond the "protected" area. Transmission of genital warts can also occur through secondary contact, such as fondling, foreplay and petting.

Abby, please make this clear to your readers: The 12 percent failure rate of condoms in the prevention of pregnancy alone argues against their use for preventing an incurable or fatal disease. People must understand the ineffectiveness of condoms. The only safe sex is a mature, mutually monogamous relationship with an uninfected partner. If people choose otherwise, they should be aware of the risks involved. -- SALLY BEACH, R.N., LAKE WORTH, FLA.

DEAR SALLY BEACH: Thank you on behalf of my readers for the warning. Although it may be tempting to proceed in the heat of passion, it's wiser to wait until after a period of cool reflection before consummating a sexual relationship.

CONFIDENTIAL TO OUTSIDER IN GULFPORT, MISS.: Don't give up on finding your niche. You are not alone. Bette Midler once said: "I didn't belong as a kid, and that always bothered me. If only I'd known that one day my differentness would be an asset, my early life would have been much easier."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: For the past six years, my husband and I have vacationed in Florida, where our friends "Myrtle" and "Gary" share their home with us for a week. We aren't moochers; we buy groceries, pay for their meals when we eat out, and drive our car when we go places.

This year, however, something strange happened. Myrtle came to the breakfast table wearing only a transparent lace nightgown. Nothing was left to the imagination. This happened twice, but since my husband and I were guests in their home, I was reluctant to suggest that she wear a robe. Perhaps she meant nothing by it, but she made other subtle passes at my husband during our stay.

I kept quiet because I feared that if I objected or made a scene, the vacation would be ruined for everyone.

My husband was also taken aback by Myrtle's bold display. Neither of us can imagine why she behaved this way after all our years of friendship.

What should I have done? And what should I do if she repeats this seductive behavior next year? -- CONFUSED UP NORTH

DEAR CONFUSED: It's water under the bridge now, but at the time, you could have talked to her privately and suggested that she cover herself appropriately, or you and your husband could have packed up and moved to a hotel.

Next year, decline their hospitality and make hotel reservations -- and if they ask you why, tell them.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from my wife for several years and I now live with my girlfriend. My ex-wife and my girlfriend have become very friendly and spend extended periods of time on the telephone with each other. This makes me very uncomfortable.

I have made my feelings clear to both of them, but I cannot insist they stop. They have the right to choose their own friends.

Is it common for ex-wives and girlfriends to take a shine to one another, or is this unusual? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN PHOENIX

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Consider yourself fortunate. Many individuals find it impossible to keep peace between ex-partners and the person with whom they are currently involved.

Do not assume that the two are spending time talking about you. More than likely, they simply enjoy conversing with each other. Enjoy their friendship, and let them do the same.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Concerned Dad in Batavia, Ill.," whose wife was verbally abusing their son, prompts this letter.

I am now 43 and my mother has been dead for eight years, but I can still hear her calling me "four-eyes" because I had to wear glasses. She told me I was no good and would never amount to anything.

My mother's harsh words and physical battering left my brother and me guilt-ridden and traumatized. I became an introvert and never married because I never felt good enough for anyone. My brother, an extrovert, is on his fourth marriage. Neither of us has children. Only recently have I gained enough confidence to speak up in public.

My father, a fine man, saw it all and never said a word. Although I love him, a part of me hates him for it. Since becoming an adult, I try not to blame anyone, but I always felt Dad should have stepped in when I was younger.

Please tell "Concerned Dad" that if he doesn't intervene, his son could be messed up for life. -- C.J. FROM N.J.

DEAR C.J.: Although I urged "Concerned Dad" to intervene on his son's behalf and to seek counseling for both his wife and their son, I hope he also reads your letter. Hearing firsthand from an adult who is still suffering from the effects of verbal abuse should have more impact than any advice I can offer.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)