DEAR ABBY: For the past six years, my husband and I have vacationed in Florida, where our friends "Myrtle" and "Gary" share their home with us for a week. We aren't moochers; we buy groceries, pay for their meals when we eat out, and drive our car when we go places.

This year, however, something strange happened. Myrtle came to the breakfast table wearing only a transparent lace nightgown. Nothing was left to the imagination. This happened twice, but since my husband and I were guests in their home, I was reluctant to suggest that she wear a robe. Perhaps she meant nothing by it, but she made other subtle passes at my husband during our stay.

I kept quiet because I feared that if I objected or made a scene, the vacation would be ruined for everyone.

My husband was also taken aback by Myrtle's bold display. Neither of us can imagine why she behaved this way after all our years of friendship.

What should I have done? And what should I do if she repeats this seductive behavior next year? -- CONFUSED UP NORTH

DEAR CONFUSED: It's water under the bridge now, but at the time, you could have talked to her privately and suggested that she cover herself appropriately, or you and your husband could have packed up and moved to a hotel.

Next year, decline their hospitality and make hotel reservations -- and if they ask you why, tell them.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from my wife for several years and I now live with my girlfriend. My ex-wife and my girlfriend have become very friendly and spend extended periods of time on the telephone with each other. This makes me very uncomfortable.

I have made my feelings clear to both of them, but I cannot insist they stop. They have the right to choose their own friends.

Is it common for ex-wives and girlfriends to take a shine to one another, or is this unusual? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN PHOENIX

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Consider yourself fortunate. Many individuals find it impossible to keep peace between ex-partners and the person with whom they are currently involved.

Do not assume that the two are spending time talking about you. More than likely, they simply enjoy conversing with each other. Enjoy their friendship, and let them do the same.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Concerned Dad in Batavia, Ill.," whose wife was verbally abusing their son, prompts this letter.

I am now 43 and my mother has been dead for eight years, but I can still hear her calling me "four-eyes" because I had to wear glasses. She told me I was no good and would never amount to anything.

My mother's harsh words and physical battering left my brother and me guilt-ridden and traumatized. I became an introvert and never married because I never felt good enough for anyone. My brother, an extrovert, is on his fourth marriage. Neither of us has children. Only recently have I gained enough confidence to speak up in public.

My father, a fine man, saw it all and never said a word. Although I love him, a part of me hates him for it. Since becoming an adult, I try not to blame anyone, but I always felt Dad should have stepped in when I was younger.

Please tell "Concerned Dad" that if he doesn't intervene, his son could be messed up for life. -- C.J. FROM N.J.

DEAR C.J.: Although I urged "Concerned Dad" to intervene on his son's behalf and to seek counseling for both his wife and their son, I hope he also reads your letter. Hearing firsthand from an adult who is still suffering from the effects of verbal abuse should have more impact than any advice I can offer.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You responded to "Worried in Texas," a 12-year-old boy who was concerned about how to avoid getting into a fight at school, that he should sign up for self-defense lessons.

Although it's important for the boy to have confidence in his ability to defend himself, your advice reflects traditional thinking that does little to address the problem of fighting at school. It is important for the boy to realize that he has other options.

Your sage advice is read by millions daily. Therefore you are in a unique position to help shape societal changes that could lead to an emphasis on nonviolence. Schools can play a vital role in teaching students alternative methods to address the age-old problem of bullies and fighting. Schools must provide a safe, caring environment if we expect effective learning to take place. It is a primary concern for parents and educators.

There are now thousands of schools across this nation where effective conflict resolution training and peer mediation programs have been successfully implemented. Students in elementary and secondary schools have been trained in dispute resolution skills. Such training empowers them to resolve problems peacefully and to assist their peers to do the same. Children and young adults are open to learning new skills, which can then effect positive change in their communities when they apply those skills.

I hope that "Worried in Texas" will go beyond the step of taking a self-defense course and suggest to his school principal that they start a peer mediation program together. He could significantly change the culture in his school through such action and possibly prevent younger children from having to deal with the same problem. As Mohandas K. Gandhi said, "If we wish to create a lasting peace, we must begin with the children."

For further information on school-based conflict resolution programs, contact the National Institute for Dispute Resolution, 1726 M St. NW, Suite 500, Washington, D.C. 20036-4502. -- LEO HOGAN, ED.D., ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL, SHORECREST HIGH SCHOOL, SHORELINE, WASH.

DEAR DR. HOGAN: I know you are on target about this. Dispute resolution training as a method of resolving conflict and reducing violence is a concept that originated with the Quakers and has gained popular acceptance since the mid- to late-1970s.

I contacted the National Institute for Dispute Resolution (NIDR) and was impressed to find that in a 1995 statewide survey of high schools in California, more than 70 percent of respondents indicated that student peer mediation programs reduce the incidence of suspension; and a majority of respondents also believe that the programs reduce violence. And a 1992 study of a conflict resolution in New York reported a 50 percent decline in student assaults. That's impressive!

Thank you for a letter I am sure will interest many parents, teachers and school administrators.

DEAR ABBY: Before my husband and I were married, he showered me with gifts large and small. After we married, it became my duty to send the cards and buy the gifts for family and friends.

My birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas would go by with no gift or card. I would suffer in silence, getting more and more depressed as the time went by.

Finally, after several years of this, I decided not to allow my feelings to be hurt any longer. Two weeks before the big day, I would remind him, "My birthday is in a couple of weeks, and I'd really like that dress we saw or those beautiful earrings. Why don't we go out for dinner at (blank)?"

It worked! I was happy and he was beaming with all the praise. After 37 years, he hasn't caught on yet. -- MRS. D. IN FLORIDA

DEAR MRS. D.: That's an excellent, nonconfrontational solution to a very common problem. Thanks for sharing it.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old mother. After a two-year relationship the father of my daughter left me and will have nothing to do with me or the baby. Then I was diagnosed with kidney disease and my life completely fell apart. My parents have custody of my daughter until I can get on my feet.

I dropped out of school a year ago and haven't been able to find a job. Now I'm trying to get my life back together and get back in school. However, my high school will not let me re-enroll. The principal told my mother, "Those students usually do better in a program where they go to school for only three hours a day and don't need as many credits to graduate." I guess they think if you have a baby, you don't have a brain.

Abby, I was a straight-A student in gifted and talented programs. I took my SAT in seventh grade.

I want to go back to school, but I'm frustrated and don't know what to do. Should I give up, or should I fight for my education? -- FRUSTRATED 16-YEAR-OLD IN NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Fight for your education; you have what it takes to be a winner. Hang in there, and good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I think you were way off base in your response to "Conservative Mom." She asked if she should talk with her 19-year-old college-age daughter about a receipt for the hotel room she had found bearing the names of her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend. You told the mother that her daughter is an adult who has a right to make her own decisions.

I wonder if this "adult" is paying her way through college. Is she fully on her own, having cut the umbilical cord to her parents' purse strings? Is she so wise and worldly at 19 that she knows everything there is to know about dating and sex?

The hotel receipt could have provided an opportunity for the mother to bring up the subject of dating and sex and to perhaps share her own dating experiences with her daughter.

My wife and I are both 31, and she has a 19-year-old sister in college. When we learned that she had been sleeping over at her boyfriend's, we made it clear that we thought it was a bad idea because others in her dorm would assume they were having sex, even though she said "nothing" was happening. Should we have kept silent until she became pregnant because she's an "adult"? I only THOUGHT I was wise and worldly at 19.

Parents need to set examples, Abby. To think that a 19-year-old is an adult in every sense of the word is ridiculous.

Everyone can use some guidance once in a while, especially in this day and age when promiscuity seems to be widely accepted. To say that "Conservative Mom" has no business in her daughter's personal affairs and should not offer advice is absurd. -- DISAPPOINTED IN TUSTIN, CALIF.

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I did not say that "Conservative Mom" had no business in her daughter's personal life, nor do I agree that finding the hotel receipt was the proper opening to bring up the subject of dating and sex. While there are any number of reasons why a young woman should be advised against sleeping with her boyfriend, what others in the dorm might think seems to be one of the least important.

Sexual activity, with the responsibilities and possible consequences that it brings, should have been addressed long before she graduated from high school. To bring it up now, with hotel receipt in hand, would only make her defensive.

I agree that few people are entirely worldly-wise at 19. People continue to grow and learn as long as they live.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)