DEAR ABBY: I'm a single male in my late 20s. I live in a tree-lined subdivision that borders on a common grounds wooded area with a running path. My bathroom has two windows, each one foot wide and six feet high. Since the bathroom faces the wooded area, I never felt it was important to close the blinds while getting dressed in the morning.

The other day I found a videotape in my mailbox, along with a short, nonthreatening note, apparently from one of my neighbors. It read, "Thanks for the show ... and for giving me a reason to get up on time every morning to run. I'm not asking you to stop; I just thought you'd like to know how easy it is to see you in the morning when it's dark out. See you tomorrow? Ha ha."

Abby, my problem isn't the embarrassment of someone seeing me in the nude; it goes beyond that. The video was 27 minutes long. It started the moment I turned on my bathroom light, which means this neighbor sat outside waiting for me, and must have been just inches away from my window, as you rarely see the vertical blinds. The video covers my whole morning routine, from going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, shaving and 15 minutes in the shower. This was far from a video that was shot from a distance. There were close-ups that filled the television screen.

I am very uncomfortable and worried about security, and what my neighbor could do with a copy of the tape. I'm a new homeowner here and don't want to get talked about around the neighborhood.

Abby, what should I do? -- IN LIVING COLOR IN ROYAL OAK, MICH.

DEAR IN LIVING COLOR: CLOSE THE BLINDS!

DEAR ABBY: Since I retired, I've become my wife's prisoner. If I want to explore a hardware store, watch a stock ticker, go fishing or play golf, I am called "selfish" and "inconsiderate." She also gets upset if I don't want to follow her around the shopping mall. (I do plenty of that, by the way.)

I am 67, and my wife is 63. We both drive and each have our own car, so it's not like she's tied to the house.

Am I wrong to want some "space" sometimes? -- CAPTIVE HUSBAND IN COLORADO

DEAR CAPTIVE: Every couple benefits from some time alone. It gives them more to talk about when they are together. As long as you devote a portion of the day exclusively to your wife and her needs, she should have no objection if you go off by yourself occasionally.

Books are available at the library on how to handle retirement. Check some out and educate yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I'm being married soon to a wonderful man. Because of expenses, we decided to go to a justice of the peace and have a reception afterward for the families.

My problem: A few years ago I was engaged to be married. I was pregnant, so my family felt I should be married, not merely engaged. Rather than standing up to them, I lied and said we had eloped.

My family gave us a huge wedding reception with all the trimmings. After the baby was born, I left my fiance and subsequently confessed to my parents that we were not actually married. Needless to say, it made them feel "used."

Now that I am getting married, I am not sure whether to invite my family to the reception, or simply send wedding announcements afterward. What do you think, Abby? -- WHAT A TANGLED WEB IN TRENTON, N.J.

DEAR TANGLED WEB: If you pay for the reception yourself, you are free to invite whomever you wish. If your parents still harbor ill feelings, they are free to decline the invitation. Let's hope they are willing to let bygones be bygones.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 27 years. Two years ago, my husband was laid off from his job after 31 years. I had always saved our money, and lived with an eye toward the future. We had taken out loans occasionally at my husband's credit union. Each time he got a raise, I'd put some of it away for that "rainy day."

One Saturday when the mail arrived, there was a letter in it from the credit union saying my husband was two payments behind on a loan. When he returned from playing golf, I told him I'd seen the dun and it was a mistake; it had to be his brother's. (His brother also worked for the same company.) I said if that's the way they did business, I'd meet him on Monday and we'd withdraw all our money and put it into another bank.

The following Monday, on my way to work, we met at the place the company had set up for outplaced employees. My husband seemed nervous and said we needed to talk. He then informed me that the $75,000 to $80,000 that was supposed to be in the account was gone. He had spent the money. I had been able to deal with his losing his job and my going to work full time, but this was too much. I exploded.

I asked him what he'd done with the money. He said he spent it on the family. Well, Abby, I know what kind of lifestyle we have lived, and we have nothing to show for that amount of money.

We went to counseling. I thought I was losing my mind. I loved this man, had his two children, and have never been with anyone else. The counselor told me I was not crazy. But when I'd talk with my husband, he made me feel like an idiot. The counselor told him that all I wanted to know was what he had done with the money. My husband insisted he didn't know what he had spent the money on.

Things went from bad to worse. Then I found girlie magazines in the back of our closet. I could only imagine the kinds of things he had been up to through the years.

We are now separated. When I see him, he swears that he has changed. But he still hasn't taken any responsibility for his dishonesty.

Abby, will I ever be able to trust him again? I thought I knew him. He says he doesn't need help. Can you advise me? -- NEEDING PEACE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NEEDING PEACE: Should you trust him again? Why should you? He is clearly a liar. He knows how he spent the money.

Although he swears he has changed, leopards don't usually change their spots, especially those who don't cooperate in counseling. It's time to look out for yourself and do what's best for YOU.

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice. I am a cat lover and own three declawed and lovable cats. I have a neighbor who periodically visits me and panics when the cats walk by her. She keeps asking me to remove them from the room. I have tried reassuring her that they will not harm her, but she still overreacts.

Should I confine them in a separate room, or should I graciously tell her that this is my home, and my cats' home, and they are free to roam as they please? -- CATFUSED IN CANADA

DEAR CATFUSED: The cats may be lovable to you, but not everyone is a cat lover. Also, many people are allergic to animal fur.

When your neighbor visits, keep the cats in a separate room with food and water. She will appreciate it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Bingo players, beware! What does your husband or wife do while you are playing bingo five nights a week?

My friend told me she saw my husband, who is 71, get into a car with a "hussy" who is about 50. I decided to see if there was any truth to her story, so after my husband and I had dinner one night, I had him drop me off at the bingo parlor. He said he was going home, so I said I would ride home with a friend.

I had hired a detective who waited in a parking lot nearby and we followed my husband. Soon he parked his car and got into hers. What we saw made me ill, but I have never confronted him with my knowledge. Our religion frowns on divorce, so I just pray the old goat wakes up before he kills himself. He has broken my heart and if I were younger, he would be following me in the dust.

Do you think I did the right thing to quit bingo? -- B-9 in TENNESSEE

DEAR B-9: Only if giving up your game forced your husband to give up the game HE was playing.

DEAR ABBY: I agree with "Sally B." who finds exposed bra straps absolutely disgusting and tacky.

I wonder why women dress this way, especially in this day and age when you can walk into virtually any department store (even discount stores) and find bras of all shapes, styles and colors designed to function invisibly under almost any type of garment on the market. Many bras have convertible straps so they can be worn X-back, halter-style, one strap or strapless. They make bustiers to be worn under backless dresses, and when all else fails, they have ones like giant lace Band-Aids so one doesn't "jiggle." So the only excuse for exposed bras straps is plain laziness.

I'd like to add my pet peeve: white bras showing plainly through thin blouses. Don't these women know flesh tones exist? I hate seeing professional women who wear beautiful white blouses ruining the effect because their undergarments show through. Do they really want people looking at their bras all day? -- D.B. IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR D.B.: I was caught off guard by the number of people who responded to that letter -- there have been hundreds. Most of the writers agree with you and "Sally B.," but a few wrote to tell me they think exposed bra straps are sexy. Go figure. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm in complete agreement with "Sally B.'s" disgust with exposed bra straps. Many women do this consciously, especially teen-age girls. For some reason, they think it is sexy or attractive for everyone to know what color or how lacy their bras are. It disgusts me. Not only is it incredibly tacky, it shows complete disregard for the fact that underwear is supposed to stay under the clothing. To top it off, the women who expose their most intimate apparel act as if they didn't know there was a solution.

I worked in lingerie for about a year, and I happen to know there are bras especially made for those revealing tops. There is absolutely no need to walk around displaying your undergarments. All it takes is one quick trip to a department or specialty store to correct this embarrassing problem. Ask the salesclerk for a convertible bra -- she'll be happy to help.

Is it just me, Abby, or are panty lines equally disgusting? -- REPULSED 19-YEAR-OLD IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REPULSED: I suspect that teen-agers do it out of ignorance of the fact that there's a solution to the problem, or because they are imitating Madonna -- who originated the underwear-as-outerwear fad. Or, perhaps, they're so proud of the fact that they finally need to wear a bra they can't resist drawing attention to it.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)