DEAR ABBY: I am a committed recycler. If I have a choice between two similar products, I'll choose the one that has the least packaging and/or is the most recyclable. When I buy fruit and vegetables, I do not put each item into its plastic bag. I bring my own cloth bags for my groceries. I wash my fruits and vegetables when I get home, so I don't mind if they are handled a couple more times along the way.

My problems begin when I reach the checkout counter. First, I hear a big sigh. Then they try to put all my produce into separate plastic bags. Sometimes the bagger even lines my cloth bag with a plastic one. What's the point in bringing my own bags if I take home as much plastic as if I hadn't brought them?

On occasion, I have even tried to bag my own groceries, but the employees just roll their eyes, or glare at me.

Abby, please remind checkout personnel that customers who bring their own bags are trying to conserve our resources and are concerned about our environment. -- TEXAS RECYCLER

DEAR RECYCLER: The next time you're in a checkout line and the bagger asks, "Paper or plastic?" say, "Neither, thank you. I brought cloth bags, so it's not necessary to segregate the produce."

DEAR ABBY: Re the judge and Ph.D. who were planning their wedding and wanted to know how they should be properly announced at the ceremony:

In my opinion, your advice was off the mark. In this day and age of women keeping their own names and having their own titles, announcing them as "Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname" is inappropriate. This portion of the ceremony is about the new status of the couple AND their "new names."

While it's true that the wedding is "about the two of you becoming husband and wife, not judge and doctor," it is also true that becoming husband and wife is NOT about the wife's being called Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname anymore. Or even about the titles of "Mr." or "Mrs." where those are not applicable.

How about omitting this outdated "announcement" of new names and identities altogether? Is there any reason the presentation cannot be along the lines of, "Let's welcome John and Sally, husband and wife," or eliminated entirely? -- FLORIDA LAWYER

DEAR FLORIDA LAWYER: Of course not. Today, many couples opt for customizing their wedding ceremonies, and most clergy are cooperative about adding or deleting from the standard text.

That letter prompted some strong reactions from my readers. Read on for a letter with a very different viewpoint from yours:

DEAR ABBY: Dr. D., the Ph.D. from Arcadia, proves only that some educated and intelligent people are not necessarily smart. She may have a doctorate in education, but she failed Common Sense 101.

If I were the judge who is marrying her, I'd put a "stay of execution" on this wedding ceremony. In fact, I'd run as far as I could away from this "doctor" -- maybe to another state or country.

If I seem to be hard on this woman, it's because I've seen, met, spoken to, and even broken bread with this type of person. These people are selfish and self-centered. It's unfortunate that they don't recognize themselves. By the way, I'm an M.D., but you can call me "Bill." -- A BIG FAN IN SANTA CLARITA, CALIF.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "A Perplexed Reader," who twice surprised her 73-year-old husband while he was watching pornographic movies. I went through a similar experience with my ex-husband, who often stayed home from work "sick" to watch these movies.

When I first discovered he was sneaking them into our home, I wasn't concerned about it. I considered it his personal "hobby." As time progressed, however, I realized these movies were taking the place of our sex life and were undermining my trust in him because he always watched them behind my back. I later learned his "hobby" extended to visiting booths with live female performers during his lunch breaks.

Our couple counselor had given us the same advice you gave "perplexed" -- that many people enjoy watching pornographic movies and I should "not make an issue of it." The conclusion I reached was that it WAS an issue when it began to interfere with our sex life and my trust in him.

I don't think watching pornography is wrong. I watch it from time to time WITH my current partner, as part of a very satisfying sex life. I do think the fact that "Perplexed's" husband watches these movies secretively indicates there may be cause for concern. If she feels it takes away from her intimate relationship with her husband, then it's an issue they both should address -- and the sooner the better. -- EX-PERPLEXED IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR EX-PERPLEXED: Thank you for an intelligent letter. Although "Perplexed" did not indicate that her husband used pornography in the past to arouse himself, the point you raise about his secrecy is an important one. For a woman to find she has been shut out of a portion of her spouse's sex life can be traumatic and damaging to her self-esteem. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I know where "Perplexed" is coming from. I have found my husband masturbating since his prostate surgery, and it hurts and shocks me, too. Here is why:

Prostate surgery also robs wives of a sex life. I, for one, was willing to give that up in order for him to have his health. However, for the husband to then choose an alternate sexual habit is akin to his having an affair. She is left with loneliness and misunderstanding.

Abby, this is not a casual problem. It is devastating to a man to lose his ability to perform sexually, but usually it is just as devastating to his wife, and he needs to be sensitive to her feelings and desires.

I want "Perplexed" to know that she is not alone. I, and many other women, feel a great deal of empathy for her. I don't have the answer, but it's not as simple as accepting his enjoyment of pornographic movies. This is a problem much deeper than that. Please don't make her situation seem trivial, because it isn't. -- ALSO PERPLEXED IN FORT MYERS, FLA.

DEAR ALSO PERPLEXED: If you feel that I have trivialized the problem of impotence and its impact upon the spouse, I apologize.

Prostate surgery does not have to be the death knell of a couple's sex life. Many books have been written on this subject. There are also sex therapists who can help. I urge you to consult one.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column from "First Class Parent" -- the father who was raising his children as a single parent -- struck a chord with me. I am president of the national MAD DADS (Men Against Destruction -- Defending Against Drugs and Social Disorder).

So many of our children today grow up in homes with only one parent -- usually the mother. Children need the influence of a father or other positive role model. Many of our male volunteers grew up in households without a father, or are single fathers themselves. They have seen firsthand the consequences of absent fathers, and they are doing something about it.

Our organization started in 1989, after one of the founders' sons was nearly beaten to death by gang members. Here in Omaha, we were tired of the downward spiral of delinquency, drugs, gang involvement and destruction.

Today, MAD DADS has 50 chapters in 14 states. Our volunteers act as mentors, friends and, most important, positive role models to youth. These individuals walk their neighborhoods in pairs to take back their streets from drug dealers and gang members. They implement activities and programs to reach out to youth, serving as surrogate fathers, uncles and big brothers. MAD DADS chapters have been created in some of the poorest and most crime-ridden areas of the country. (South Central Los Angeles, for example, now has a chapter and two subdivisions.)

MAD DADS continues to reach out to recruit positive role models for inner-city youth. If your readers would like further information regarding MAD DADS, including how to become a volunteer or start a chapter in their area, they can contact us at 1-402-451-3500, or write to: MAD DADS National Headquarters, 3030 Sprague St., Omaha, Neb. 68111.

Thank you, Abby, for drawing attention to the important issues of fatherhood in our nation. -- EDDIE STATON, PRESIDENT, OMAHA

DEAR MR. STATON: Thank you for letting my readers and me know about this worthwhile effort to reach and rehabilitate fatherless youth.

Mentoring is not a new idea, but it seems to be enjoying a resurgence in popularity. Mentoring takes time, training and dedication -- but the payoff, turning young lives in productive new directions, is enormously rewarding. The committed men who step forward to donate their time and energy are to be commended. I wish you continued success in this noble effort.

DEAR ABBY: I receive lots of mail from organizations requesting donations for various causes. I'm sure that these requests are for good causes, but there's a limit to one's ability to make donations.

I am especially irritated with organizations that send me address labels with my name on them. I'm sure it must be an enormous expense to print these labels for all the people on their mailing lists. Why don't they use this money for their cause? I have enough labels to last me if I wrote 10 letters a day for the rest of my life! I even receive labels with my husband's name -- and he's been dead for two years.

I know everybody reads "Dear Abby," and I hope someone in these organizations sees this and acts to put an end to this foolish expenditure. -- ENOUGH ALREADY IN FALL RIVER

DEAR ENOUGH: This method of raising money has been used for as long as I can remember. However, people are under no obligation to pay for ANYTHING they did not order -- and that includes stickers with your name and address printed on them. And by the way, you are under no obligation to return them, either.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)