DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "A Perplexed Reader," who twice surprised her 73-year-old husband while he was watching pornographic movies. I went through a similar experience with my ex-husband, who often stayed home from work "sick" to watch these movies.

When I first discovered he was sneaking them into our home, I wasn't concerned about it. I considered it his personal "hobby." As time progressed, however, I realized these movies were taking the place of our sex life and were undermining my trust in him because he always watched them behind my back. I later learned his "hobby" extended to visiting booths with live female performers during his lunch breaks.

Our couple counselor had given us the same advice you gave "perplexed" -- that many people enjoy watching pornographic movies and I should "not make an issue of it." The conclusion I reached was that it WAS an issue when it began to interfere with our sex life and my trust in him.

I don't think watching pornography is wrong. I watch it from time to time WITH my current partner, as part of a very satisfying sex life. I do think the fact that "Perplexed's" husband watches these movies secretively indicates there may be cause for concern. If she feels it takes away from her intimate relationship with her husband, then it's an issue they both should address -- and the sooner the better. -- EX-PERPLEXED IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR EX-PERPLEXED: Thank you for an intelligent letter. Although "Perplexed" did not indicate that her husband used pornography in the past to arouse himself, the point you raise about his secrecy is an important one. For a woman to find she has been shut out of a portion of her spouse's sex life can be traumatic and damaging to her self-esteem. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I know where "Perplexed" is coming from. I have found my husband masturbating since his prostate surgery, and it hurts and shocks me, too. Here is why:

Prostate surgery also robs wives of a sex life. I, for one, was willing to give that up in order for him to have his health. However, for the husband to then choose an alternate sexual habit is akin to his having an affair. She is left with loneliness and misunderstanding.

Abby, this is not a casual problem. It is devastating to a man to lose his ability to perform sexually, but usually it is just as devastating to his wife, and he needs to be sensitive to her feelings and desires.

I want "Perplexed" to know that she is not alone. I, and many other women, feel a great deal of empathy for her. I don't have the answer, but it's not as simple as accepting his enjoyment of pornographic movies. This is a problem much deeper than that. Please don't make her situation seem trivial, because it isn't. -- ALSO PERPLEXED IN FORT MYERS, FLA.

DEAR ALSO PERPLEXED: If you feel that I have trivialized the problem of impotence and its impact upon the spouse, I apologize.

Prostate surgery does not have to be the death knell of a couple's sex life. Many books have been written on this subject. There are also sex therapists who can help. I urge you to consult one.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column from "First Class Parent" -- the father who was raising his children as a single parent -- struck a chord with me. I am president of the national MAD DADS (Men Against Destruction -- Defending Against Drugs and Social Disorder).

So many of our children today grow up in homes with only one parent -- usually the mother. Children need the influence of a father or other positive role model. Many of our male volunteers grew up in households without a father, or are single fathers themselves. They have seen firsthand the consequences of absent fathers, and they are doing something about it.

Our organization started in 1989, after one of the founders' sons was nearly beaten to death by gang members. Here in Omaha, we were tired of the downward spiral of delinquency, drugs, gang involvement and destruction.

Today, MAD DADS has 50 chapters in 14 states. Our volunteers act as mentors, friends and, most important, positive role models to youth. These individuals walk their neighborhoods in pairs to take back their streets from drug dealers and gang members. They implement activities and programs to reach out to youth, serving as surrogate fathers, uncles and big brothers. MAD DADS chapters have been created in some of the poorest and most crime-ridden areas of the country. (South Central Los Angeles, for example, now has a chapter and two subdivisions.)

MAD DADS continues to reach out to recruit positive role models for inner-city youth. If your readers would like further information regarding MAD DADS, including how to become a volunteer or start a chapter in their area, they can contact us at 1-402-451-3500, or write to: MAD DADS National Headquarters, 3030 Sprague St., Omaha, Neb. 68111.

Thank you, Abby, for drawing attention to the important issues of fatherhood in our nation. -- EDDIE STATON, PRESIDENT, OMAHA

DEAR MR. STATON: Thank you for letting my readers and me know about this worthwhile effort to reach and rehabilitate fatherless youth.

Mentoring is not a new idea, but it seems to be enjoying a resurgence in popularity. Mentoring takes time, training and dedication -- but the payoff, turning young lives in productive new directions, is enormously rewarding. The committed men who step forward to donate their time and energy are to be commended. I wish you continued success in this noble effort.

DEAR ABBY: I receive lots of mail from organizations requesting donations for various causes. I'm sure that these requests are for good causes, but there's a limit to one's ability to make donations.

I am especially irritated with organizations that send me address labels with my name on them. I'm sure it must be an enormous expense to print these labels for all the people on their mailing lists. Why don't they use this money for their cause? I have enough labels to last me if I wrote 10 letters a day for the rest of my life! I even receive labels with my husband's name -- and he's been dead for two years.

I know everybody reads "Dear Abby," and I hope someone in these organizations sees this and acts to put an end to this foolish expenditure. -- ENOUGH ALREADY IN FALL RIVER

DEAR ENOUGH: This method of raising money has been used for as long as I can remember. However, people are under no obligation to pay for ANYTHING they did not order -- and that includes stickers with your name and address printed on them. And by the way, you are under no obligation to return them, either.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: While strolling on the beach recently, my wife and I noticed a young woman and her son wading. The boy was probably 3 or 4 years old. The mother was wearing sunglasses, but the child had none, and was squinting from the sun's glare.

On another occasion, we observed a mother pushing a stroller as she jogged. The infant in the stroller did not have his eyes protected from the sun and was squinting.

Abby, please urge parents to protect their children's eyesight with good sunglasses that block the UV rays. -- BILL FROM CORRALITOS, CALIF.

DEAR BILL: With pleasure. Almost all parents are aware that exposure to sunlight can damage a child's delicate skin. However, the danger of the sun's rays to the eyes has only recently been established. Studies have shown that permanent damage to the eyes can result from prolonged exposure without adequate protection.

According to Michael H. Marmor, M.D., professor of ophthalmology at Stanford University Medical Center: "Of greater concern than the acute damage caused by a day in the sun is the CUMULATIVE damage of REPEATED exposure that may contribute to chronic eye disease."

Long-term exposure affects not only the surface of the eye -- the cornea and conjunctiva -- but also the internal structures, the lens and the retina, resulting in cataracts and other conditions that may harm the child's vision later in life.

The most dangerous time for sun exposure is between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. (or even longer in areas close to the equator). High altitudes, beaches, snow fields and bodies of water significantly increase ultraviolet (UV) exposure.

Parents should teach children to never look directly at the sun, even when they are wearing sunglasses. Sunglasses cannot protect a child's eyes from potentially serious injury caused by gazing directly at the sun.

The American Academy of Ophthalmology recommends sunglasses that screen out 99 percent to 100 percent of ultraviolet light (both UV-A and UV-B). They should carry one of the following labels: "Blocks 99 percent of ultraviolet rays," "UV absorption up to 40nm," "Special purpose," or "Meets ANSI UV requirements."

A common myth about sunglasses is that they have to be expensive to give adequate protection. Many $10 glasses may provide equal or greater protection than those costing $100.

Even infants' eyes should be protected. If necessary, the sunglasses can be secured with an elastic band.

DEAR ABBY: I always like to tell a joke to every new person I meet or correspond with. A wise man once said that a good laugh does a body as much good as five tablespoons of bran flakes.

I'd like to offer this one:

An old Texas farmer climbed into his pickup truck and went to town to buy groceries. There was a stop sign at the main highway, but he just slowed down, looked both ways, then took off like a shot. Unfortunately for him, one day the sheriff saw him and pulled him over.

"Sir," said the sheriff, "that is a full-stop sign."

"Son," said the farmer, "I've been doing this for 20 years and have yet to have an accident. There's not a bit of difference between 'stop' and 'slow down.'"

"Well, sir," said the sheriff, "I'm going to show you the difference." He hauled out his nightstick and began beating the poor farmer on both shoulders.

"Now, sir," said the sheriff, "do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?"

God loves you, Abby, and so do I. -- LONGTIME READER, JOHN J. TUOHY

DEAR JOHN: I always thought "STOP" meant "slowly tap on pedal." (Just kidding.)

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)