DEAR ABBY: We read your column with the letters from breast cancer survivors, and couldn't agree more that early detection is the key to preventing breast cancer. Mammographies are the best tool we have for early detection.

We have introduced legislation in the U.S. Senate to reauthorize the Mammography Quality Standards Act (MOSA) to ensure national standards for mammograms. This crucial law was originally authored by Sen. Mikulski in 1992, but will expire this year if it is not renewed.

Mammography is our most powerful weapon in the war against breast cancer, but only if it's done safely, accurately and by trained personnel. We need uniform national standards so women can be assured that the mammogram they get in any clinic across the country, from Maryland to Texas to Minnesota, is safe, effective and reliable, and that the results are read accurately. Since 1992, more than 9,000 of the 10,000 mammography facilities nationwide have been inspected and accredited by the federal government.

When we introduced the legislation, we sent around an historic "Dear Colleague" letter asking for support. It began, "We, the women of the United States Senate, invite you, the men of the United States Senate, to join us ..." And the good news is -- they did! Right now, we have 47 senators, Republicans and Democrats, men and women, signed on to support this important legislation. A companion bill has been introduced in the House of Representatives by Congresswomen Eleanor Holmes Norton, D-D.C., and Nancy Johnson, R-Conn.

Please encourage your readers to write their representatives or senators and urge them to support the Mammography Quality Standards Act. -- SEN. BARBARA A. MIKULSKI, D-MD., AND SEN. KAY BAILEY HUTCHISON, R-TEXAS

DEAR SENS. MIKULSKI AND HUTCHISON: I wholeheartedly lend my support. Such standards are crucial to women from coast to coast.

Readers, it is worth the effort to take pen in hand and drop a note (or postcard) to your elected representatives in Washington urging their support of the Mammography Quality Standards Act (MOSA). It will ensure national standards for mammograms, guaranteeing high-quality screenings for breast cancer, as well as peace of mind for those who need it.

DEAR ABBY: My only sister recently suggested that she stop giving gifts for special occasions to my three children who have reached the age of 20, but I should continue to give HER children (who are 6 and 8 years old) gifts until they reach the age of 20.

I am uncomfortable shopping for gifts for her children while she totally ignores mine. What do you think?

Please rush your answer because this disagreement is affecting our relationship. -- APPALLED IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR APPALLED: I agree with your sister. Your children are adults. She has given them gifts for the last 20 years. You should do the same for her children without demanding tit for tat. But suggest that she send cards to your children on important occasions.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am divorced and have three daughters. My ex-husband "Sam" married "Connie." She is 11 years younger than I am. Connie has no children of her own and they do not have children together yet.

My girls are under 18, so we still have the weekend visitation arrangement. The last time they were scheduled to visit their father, Connie came to pick them up.

The problem: Connie reeked of alcohol. Sam and I do not live in the same town -- there's about a 15-mile drive between us. Now I'm kicking myself in the hindquarters because I let my daughters leave with her.

I cannot have any more children, Abby, and the three I have are a precious gift from above. Had my daughter's friend come to pick her up and the friend reeked of alcohol, there's no way I would have let my daughter get into the car. I let them go with Connie and hoped for the best because I did not want to start a fight -- which I now feel was incredibly stupid. What should I do if this happens again? -- TRYING TO DO RIGHT IN MINNESOTA

DEAR TRYING TO DO RIGHT: Allowing the children to ride with a driver who reeked of alcohol was inexcusable. You are fortunate it wasn't a tragedy. If Sam doesn't know about this incident, he should be made aware of it.

Since you can't predict whether Connie will show up drunk or sober, in the future either you or your ex-husband must provide the transportation for the children.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married three years ago in a small ceremony. Since our wedding was small, we decided not to have bridesmaids or groomsmen. One of my husband's closest friends came to the ceremony, but claims he "got lost" on the way to the reception. Needless to say, he never made it to the reception, nor did he present us with a wedding gift.

Now, three years later, this friend is getting married. He has asked my husband to be a groomsman (requiring him to rent a $60 tuxedo), and has already invited us to a "pantry and tool" shower.

In light of the fact that he never bought us a wedding gift, I have a problem buying him a wedding gift, much less a shower gift.

How would you handle this? -- TICKED OFF IN TALLAHASSEE

DEAR TICKED OFF: If your husband accepts the honor of being a groomsman, he is obligated to buy a wedding gift. And if you and your husband attend the shower, you'll be expected to bring a shower gift. Let bygones be bygones.

DEAR ABBY: A young lady we work with had a baby. She was hoping it would be a girl. In fact, we all hoped she would have a daughter, so when we held a shower for her, many of us gave her gifts for a girl.

Well, the baby turned out to be a boy. And guess what? She sent the gifts back to us and asked US to exchange them for boy things.

Abby, I ask you, is that proper etiquette? Or should she have exchanged the gifts herself? -- PEEVED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR PEEVED: Was it proper etiquette? Absolutely not! She should have quietly exchanged the gifts herself.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been a sexually active male since puberty, but I never took protection seriously. Then, two years ago, I learned that an older friend of mine had been diagnosed with HIV. His wife had it before they met. They are an average family, with the house, the kids, the dog, and church every Sunday. Just plain good people -- with HIV.

That made me sit down and think hard. No more running around for me! I'm in my early 20s -- too young to die.

I found a girlfriend who was not sexually active. She told me she had been intimate with only one person, and only one time. We dated steadily for a year and a half before we engaged in intercourse. It lasted only about 30 seconds before she said, "This isn't right -- we should be married!" Then she put her clothes back on.

About a month later I noticed a bump on my penis, then two bumps, then three. I went to the clinic for medical treatment, and was tested for HIV and all the other sexually transmitted diseases, and was given treatment for genital warts. It was a very painful procedure where acid was applied to the affected area. Over the course of a week the bumps fell off, leaving open, bleeding sores.

I was told genital warts are a serious problem. It is a virus, meaning I will have to get treatments and watch for outbreaks until my dying day. For a woman, it is worse. It hides, unexposed, with no symptoms. If left untreated it can cause cancer, leading to a hysterectomy -- or worse yet -- death!

I thought just knowing your partner was safe was enough. I thought a year and a half was long enough. I was wrong. For 30 seconds of unprotected sex, I now have the "gift" that keeps on giving.

What can you do to protect yourself in the '90s? Demand to see STD results or bring 75 cents' worth of latex (condom) into the relationship. It can be a matter of life or death. -- KEEPING MY PANTS ON IN FLORIDA

DEAR KEEPING: You have learned a sobering lesson. Thank you for speaking out.

More than 12 million cases of sexually transmitted disease are reported in the United States each year. We now lead all the other developed nations in the rate that diseases are spread through sexual contact. The cost to taxpayers for curable STDs is an estimated $10 billion annually!

According to a recent report by the Institute of Medicine at the National Academy of Sciences in Washington, D.C., the public sector spends only $1 to prevent and fight curable STDs for every $43 spent on treatment and other costs. Education is essential. STD prevention can be effective only if people are willing to change their sexual behavior by using condoms and delaying sexual activity as long as possible.

School districts could help by requiring that information regarding sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy prevention be part of an age-appropriate health education curriculum, and given every year.

According to the report, there is no evidence that condom availability, or school-based education programs to prevent STDs, promotes sexual activity.

In this case, ignorance is the enemy. And yes, I know I'll hear from readers insisting that abstinence is the only 100 percent safe sex. However, for those who are unable to remain abstinent, effective sex education is the answer.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)