DEAR ABBY: The letter from "All Chopped Up and No Place to Go" could have been written by me about 10 years ago. I had found a particular hairstyle that I loved, but then my hairdresser quit. For months I searched three towns to find someone who could replace her. Along the way I leaned some important things about hairdressers:

Always choose a hairdresser who has a hairstyle similar to yours. If you want short hair, chose someone with short hair. A hairdresser with long hair will never cut yours short enough. Likewise, never have your hair colored by a red-headed hairdresser, because she will always want to add a little red tint; and never get a perm from someone whose own hair is too curly.

Or you can do what I did -- give up on hairdressers completely. I grew my hair down to my waist. When you have long hair, you can't fuss over it too much, so I sold my hair dryer, curling iron, hot rollers and crimper. I no longer buy mousse, styling gel or hairspray. My husband trims it with a pair of sewing scissors when it gets ragged. I don't color or perm it, and I'm constantly told how beautiful my hair is.

Occasionally, on a really hot day, I consider cutting it. Then I remember the twice-monthly trips to the hairdresser, the roar of the blow dryer every morning, or the way a windy day could ruin my hairstyle (and my day). I just pull my ponytail higher on my head and use the time I would otherwise spend on my hair to do something I enjoy. -- JUST BRUSH IT AND GO

DEAR JUST BRUSH IT: I'm glad your advice works for you. Many of us who are slaves to fashion can't help but admire your sense of independence and freedom. However, it's wrong to generalize about all hairdressers because of your negative experience. If what you say were true, one could not explain the success of hairdressers such as Mr. Kenneth, Vidal Sassoon, Jose Eber, etc. According to your logic, all of their clients would resemble them!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I need your opinion about something that is puzzling my husband and me. When several couples go out for dinner together, is it rude to ask for separate checks?

We have been made to feel very cheap when we ask for separate checks, but there are times when we have paid half the bill when our portion should have been much less.

Please tell me how to handle this without causing embarrassment to anyone. There is also the matter of leaving a tip. Shouldn't each diner pay part of the tip?

We get a lot of dirty looks from servers when we ask for separate checks. Why? -- LONGTIME READER IN MAINE

DEAR READER: There is nothing wrong with asking for separate checks, particularly if there is a great disparity in the drinking habits of the couples. That way, each diner can pay the proper portion of the tip.

You may be getting dirty looks from servers because it is more trouble for them to write separate checks than to make out just one.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently met an accomplished lady with considerable class. We're very compatible except for the fact that her conversation is greatly overloaded with name-dropping and references to the places she has been throughout the world. This is a big turnoff for me.

Is there any way to handle this problem in a non-embarrassing way? -- IRKED IN ANAHEIM, CALIF.

DEAR IRKED: If this woman has been all over the world and is acquainted with important people, don't fault her for mentioning it. Count yourself fortunate that she enjoys your company.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to share the following story that both saddened and inspired me.

My mother died in October of 1995, and it had always been her wish to be cremated so that she could help the soil grow wildflowers. We spread her ashes in the family cemetery. The following winter and spring were extremely dry in Texas. Spring rain was practically nonexistent and we had none of the usual wildflowers that typically paint our fields and highways. Lakes were very low and many crops were ruined.

My parents had been happily married for 49 years and her death was devastating to my father. He visited the cemetery often.

In March, when Dad drove to the cemetery for a visit, he couldn't believe his eyes. The area where we had laid mother's ashes was covered with small blue wildflowers! He wept while gathering some of them. He didn't know what kind of flowers they were, so after returning home, he showed them to a knowledgeable friend who replied, "These are forget-me-nots!" Despite the drought, my mother's last wish had come true, and she certainly chose the appropriate flower to grow. -- HER DAUGHTER, FARMER'S BRANCH, TEXAS

DEAR DAUGHTER: How fitting that your mother got her wish, and how appropriate the symbolism of the flowers that greeted your father when he went to pay his respects to the memory of his beloved wife.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is the first time I have ever sat down and written to you, although I often wonder what your thoughts would be on various matters.

I have a good friend named "Don." Don's wife, "Susan," is the problem. Every time we get together, she tries to impress people and acts superior. She does it in subtle ways, but my wife always ends up feeling somehow inadequate when the evening is over. Susan talks a lot about money and has hinted to her parents about "early inheritance" many times. For the most part, she will associate only with people who are at least as well off as she is. And when she meets people who are wealthy, she sticks to them like glue.

Don and Susan are having serious marital problems. I have seen her in action. She has a terrible temper and has been known to throw a phone or two. Also, she's the most shallow person I've ever met. How does someone get like this?

My wife has told me that she can no longer stomach Susan. I understand her objections to Susan's value system, but I fear if we refuse their invitations, Don will be hurt. Some of our other friends stopped seeing them years ago. I know Don would be puzzled if I started inviting him alone. My wife thinks I should level with Don and tell him, "The girls don't have much in common." We agreed we would abide by your advice. -- BRAD IN CLEVELAND

DEAR BRAD: Whose feelings are more important to you -- Don's or your wife's? She must be a saint to have tolerated being belittled without having ended this foursome sooner.

Since other friends have stopped socializing with Don and Susan, Don will understand if your wife is unavailable and the get-togethers are "men only" because "the girls" don't have much in common -- an understatement. (Susan might even be relieved.)

Believe it or not, the reason many people act superior and aloof is because they feel inadequate or inferior.

DEAR ABBY: The letters in your column about people meeting Harry Truman have conjured up a fond childhood memory of mine.

I grew up in Independence, Mo., but had never seen Mr. Truman until his library was being constructed. My father built and installed many of the display cabinets in the Truman Library.

My daddy, knowing me to be quite an autograph hound, thought that meeting and getting President Truman's autograph would be an event of a lifetime for his teen-age daughter, so he asked permission to bring me along one morning. I took my Bible and was introduced to Mr. Truman.

He graciously signed it with, "Read it carefully. It will make you happy." Then, handing me the signed Bible, he led me over to a display case and asked me to read the signature on a document. It was Joseph Stalin's. Mr. Truman smiled and added, "I collect autographs, too."

Even though both my father and Mr. Truman are gone now, and my autographed Bible disappeared during a move, the memories will be mine forever. -- SHIRLEY (YEAGER) HENDERSON, RAYTOWN, MO.

DEAR SHIRLEY: I think you've said it very well. Our memories can be our most treasured possessions, beyond material things. Circumstances may change, but our experiences make us who we are.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)