DEAR ABBY: What is a guest supposed to do when entering another person's car or home when the radio or television is playing so loud one can hardly talk or listen?

I have found on many occasions upon entering the home of a friend or relative, the television is blaring. The host makes no effort to turn it down, even to welcome a visitor into the house. The TV has priority in so many cases. Or when entering someone's car, the radio is so loud, again one cannot carry on a conversation.

I realize I am the "guest" in these instances, but aren't there some rules of etiquette in this situation? At times like these, I feel the host would rather not talk with me even when I have been invited, and would prefer to listen to the radio or watch television. If this is true, why was I invited?

I feel this practice is very rude. Possibly the host has no idea that I'm not interested in visiting with the radio or television on. On only one occasion have I had the nerve to ask the host to turn down the volume. I felt very uncomfortable doing it, but my wish was granted. I did not feel I should have been put in that position.

Please comment. Maybe it would help in the department of communications in our society. -- TUNED OUT IN INVER GROVE HEIGHTS, MINN.

DEAR TUNED OUT: A person would have to have the hide of a rhino not to know that when a guest is invited in, conversation with that person supersedes whatever's on the radio or television. However, sometimes the driver or host would like to hear the end of a song or a news bulletin before commencing to chat. And the same goes for a television program they might be in the middle of.

Is it rude? Yes, if the blaring noise continues and prevents the individuals from conversing. But in such cases, you should have no hesitation about asking for the volume to be lowered.

DEAR ABBY: I work two delivery jobs, and I'm amazed at how difficult it can be to locate an address. Hanging plants, overgrown shrubs or partially open doors block house numbers. Sometimes poor color contrasts between the house and the street number (like black on brown or yellow on white) make the address invisible from a distance.

Abby, you would be doing a great service if you asked your readers to step outside and check to see if their address is easily located and readable from the street.

Some good ideas I've seen are house numbers placed near a porch light so they're visible at night, and large numbers on the front of the mailbox post that can be read without slowing down.

Clearly visible house numbers are very helpful for zeroing in on an address. A neighborhood with well-marked houses means hotter pizza, faster package delivery and, most important, quicker response time in case of an emergency. A 15-minute search for an address during an emergency can be the difference between life and death. -- SCOTT RYAN, BREMERTON, WASH.

DEAR SCOTT: Your letter highlights an important issue. Some youth groups offer curbside address painting as a neighborhood project. They return every year to refresh the numbers. Find, or start, a group in your area. A final thought: Be sure your street numbers are clear and visible on your home. They should be placed high enough to be seen over shrubs and parked cars, and well-lighted at night.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In all the articles I've seen in recent months concerning opening all adoption records, I have never read about the responsibilities of those who wish to find each other. I have only one question: Are you willing to totally accept whatever you find, and to accept that entire extended family as your own?

Are you willing to include that family, likable or not, in your family celebrations and go to theirs on a regular basis? If your newfound family is in financial need, requires surgery, psychiatric care or a nursing home, are you willing to pay for their care for the rest of your life? Will you visit them -- at their country estate or exclusive country club, or perhaps in a homeless shelter, drug/alcohol treatment center or jail? If you can't accept all the responsibilities of the whole package, don't open the box!

I have no memory of being told I was adopted. I have always known, since "adopted" was a happy word used from the time I was an infant. To my birth mother, I would simply say: "Thank you for not aborting me, for caring enough to give me up to a loving family. I hope you had other children and your life was as full of love as mine." -- I'M NOT LOST, PLEASE DON'T FIND ME, GLENVIEW, ILL.

DEAR NOT LOST: You have written a very intelligent letter. Although I have heard from many adoptees and birth mothers about their desire to locate their lost relatives, I have seen no statistics regarding how many regretted making contact.

DEAR ABBY: Is it just me, or do you and your readers find exposed bra straps disgusting? I notice it is very common to wear tank tops or sundresses or some other top that exposes all or part of the shoulder with the bra strap fully exposed. I do not find this appealing at all. It's up there with wearing curlers in public.

I am 43, and for the past 30 years, I've worn shoulder-baring tops. When I do, I don't wear a bra, and in the '70s and '80s this was the norm. (I don't recall women showing anything that should not have been shown when they went braless.) If the top is so revealing without a bra, it probably is too revealing with one. Of course, there are strapless bras for women who feel uncomfortable without a bra, and manufacturers could help out by sewing bra cups into tops that bare shoulders.

What do you and your readers think about exposed bra straps? -- SALLY B. IN VALENCIA, CALIF.

DEAR SALLY: When it comes to exposed bras straps, I'm inclined to suspend judgment. Readers?

DEAR ABBY: I saw the column you printed about who to contact for organ donations, and thought I should write.

I am a charter member of a local Lions Club, and we offer "eye will" forms that now also have a box to check for other organ donations besides eyes.

It would be a great service to Lions Clubs all over the world, in 187 countries, if you would mention in one of your columns that local Lions Clubs can be contacted to arrange for an organ donation/eye will card.

Thank you, Abby, and a great big Lion's ROAR for your participation. -- J.J. MERKLE, PRESIDENT, JACKSONVILLE (N.C.) BUSINESS LIONS CLUB

DEAR MR. MERKLE: That's wonderful news and helpful information I'm pleased to pass along to my readers, some of whom may be unaware of how easily they can get an organ donor card.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am deeply concerned about my 9-year-old son's self-esteem. My wife is constantly yelling and calling him names over trivial things. She is a perfectionist, so anything not perfect is cause for a verbal assault.

A recent example is a misplaced 39-cent notepad. My son was called an idiot, stupid and an ass in her tirade. I feel this cannot be good for his emotional well-being, but I am unable to stop her. She becomes irate when I even suggest that she is less than a good mother. She does not do this in public, but I still think it is hurtful to my son's self-esteem. She does the same sort of thing with me, but I've had counseling to deal with it. What can I do for my son? -- CONCERNED DAD IN BATAVIA, ILL.

DEAR CONCERNED: Your concern is valid. Your wife's inability to control her temper can have lasting effects on your son's self-esteem. Children form their sense of worth from messages (verbal and nonverbal) their parents give them. When a parent tells a child he's an idiot, stupid or an ass, that is how he will perceive himself. On some level he will blame himself for the abuse. Unless something is done now to break this cycle, as your son grows up he may be unable to shrug off the guilt and sense of inadequacy his mother is placing on his shoulders.

The label for what your wife is doing is "verbal abuse." It may take psychological counseling for her to learn to cope with her temper in a more appropriate manner. I urge her to seek it.

You didn't say how long the verbal battery has been going on, but if the pattern is well-established, counseling is also in order for your son. Our society has come a long way in recognizing the need to protect children from sexual and physical abuse. It's unfortunate that so little can be done for the child who is verbally abused, because as it stands -- unless a concerned adult steps in to defend him -- he is all alone.

DEAR ABBY: I offer this true story for your collection of acts of kindness.

Toward the end of World War II, my grandfather, Eugen Irtenkauf, then 10 years old, lived in Salach, a small village near Goppingen in southwest Germany.

Every day, seven American P-51 Mustang fighters flew over the area shooting at German soldiers. Because they came so often and seemed to be the same group flying over a war zone, the German civilians called them "the Lucky Seven."

One afternoon, my grandfather was flying his kite in a field when the Lucky Seven appeared in the sky. His father yelled for his son to let go of the kite and run. The son refused to do so. One of the Lucky Seven left the group and headed for my grandfather and the kite. My great-grandfather was sure that the pilot would kill his son. Instead, the pilot dipped his wings and flew on.

My grandfather has told me this story many times. It has been his lifelong wish to meet this pilot.

My grandfather's address is: Herr Eugen Irtenkauf, Austrasse 5, Salach, Germany, 73084. -- ERIKA AND HAMISH HALL, TUCSON, ARIZ.

DEAR ERIKA AND HAMISH: Thank you for a poignant addition to this column. I hope your grandfather's wish comes true.

DEAR ABBY: I was amused by your column that dealt with the infantry in World War II using condoms to keep their socks dry. I have a story that was told to me by my first husband, who served in the 82nd Airborne during the war.

He told me that they were each issued a gross of condoms periodically that they tied together in a rubber-band type apparatus, and that is how they kept their trousers so neatly in their boots.

How the other services managed, I don't know, but the paratroopers kept that great look in this manner. Yankee ingenuity strikes again! -- EX-WIFE OF "GERONIMO" W., TORRINGTON, CONN.

DEAR EX-WIFE: This is news to me. I once heard an anthropologist say that two things distinguish men from apes: our opposable thumbs and the ability to invent tools.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)