DEAR ABBY: I do not wish for my name to appear in your column as a contributor. I am only eager to impress on people what they owe the servicemen and women who have fought and died over the years protecting the freedom we enjoy. Not only the men and women who have died, but their wives, husbands, sweethearts, parents and children all paid a tremendous price for the freedom that many -- especially the younger generation -- take for granted.

We, whose loved ones survived these horrible holocausts of history, realize only too fully that "There but for the grace of God ..."

While the memories of horrors endured will always remain with the men and women who came back, they at least came back. For that they are forever grateful. They never forget their buddies who weren't so lucky. May the rest of the world also remember.

I'm enclosing a poem that you may want to share with your readers, Abby. -- PATRIOTIC READER, CASA GRANDE, ARIZ.

DEAR READER: Your poem is a poignant reminder of the price paid for the freedom many take for granted. Readers, today -- Memorial Day -- please take a moment to reflect on this poem, which was written as a tribute to our military who gave their all:

FREEDOM IS NOT FREE

I watched the flag pass by one day.

It fluttered in the breeze.

A young Marine saluted it, and then

He stood at ease.

I looked at him in uniform

So young, so tall, so proud,

With hair cut square and eyes alert.

He'd stand out in any crowd.

I thought how many men like him

Had fallen through the years.

How many died on foreign soil?

How many mothers' tears?

How many pilots' planes shot down?

How many died at sea?

How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?

No, freedom is not free.

I heard the sound of taps one night,

When everything was still.

I listened to the bugler play

And felt a sudden chill.

I wondered just how many times

That taps had meant "Amen,"

When a flag had draped a coffin

Of a brother or a friend.

I thought of all the children,

Of the mothers and the wives,

Of fathers, sons and husbands

With interrupted lives.

I thought about a graveyard

At the bottom of the sea

Of unmarked graves in Arlington.

No, freedom is not free.

-- CADET MAJOR KELLY STRONG, AIR FORCE JUNIOR ROTC, HOMESTEAD SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL, HOMESTEAD, FLA., 1988

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My son (I'll call him Michael) was very ill with cancer at age 15, and as a result he became sterile from his chemotherapy treatments. Thank the good Lord he has made a complete recovery. However, when he married eight years ago, he and his wife wanted a family. My nephew Edmund (his cousin) agreed to be a sperm donor.

Michael and Edmund have always been very close -- more like brothers. Edmund is divorced and has two children. A year ago, my daughter-in-law gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

Abby, they have decided that they will never tell the child who his real father is. I'm afraid someone else might tell him, as a few members of the family are aware of this.

My husband says it's their decision and that we should stay out of it, but I'm worried about my grandchild's future, should he find out.

Please give us your thoughts on this. -- LOVING GRANDMOTHER IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: I agree with you. Family secrets such as this have a way of leaking, which could cause a flood of embarrassment. Your husband makes a good point, however. Give your son and daughter-in-law some "motherly" advice -- and then say no more.

DEAR ABBY: The pain I am feeling is so great it doesn't allow me even to cry. I have been married to my second husband for more than 17 years. This week I found out that he is bisexual and has been having one-night stands during our 17 years together, events that have increased over the past four years.

I know I need to find a counselor to help me work through this. I will start the process of finding one today. My husband claims I am the only person he has ever loved, and that he can stop his bisexual activity if I just give him another chance. Even if he could -- and that's my question to you -- I'm not sure I would ever be able to trust him again or be comfortable making love which, until now, has been a very satisfying part of our relationship.

With your vast years of experience and knowledge about the human personality, do you know if it is possible, or even likely, that an active bisexual person can stop the attraction to same-sex partners? My husband says he's only kissed one man and that he gets his gratification from touching -- massage, etc.

Yes, I'm going for an AIDS test today. -- HEARTBROKEN IN PLEASANTON, CALIF.

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Since your husband is bisexual, his attraction to both sexes is natural for him, and he will always be attracted to members of both sexes. And since his infidelities with men have increased over the last four years, it would seem that either his attraction to men is increasing, or he is less in control of his impulsive behavior than he believes.

You have my sincere sympathy for the pain you are experiencing, and you are on the right track to seek professional counseling and have an HIV test immediately.

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading you for years, but this is the first time I have written. I want to let you know what happened to me recently so you can alert your readers.

While vacationing at a friend's house a few months ago, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Apparently I was not fully awake because I thought I was in my own home. Before I realized where I was, I was falling down a flight of stairs! Luckily, I wasn't hurt -- with the exception of a few bruises.

Abby, please alert your readers to the danger of staying in a strange house, and advise the host to provide a night-light or a small lamp for a room or hallway. -- LUCKY LADY

DEAR LUCKY: While it would be gracious for the host to light your way, you would be wise to invest in a small flashlight to keep on the nightstand of your home or, when you travel, on the nightstand in your host's home. I wouldn't be without one.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 37 and I am 29. We have been married almost two years and are starting to look for a place to buy or build a home.

The problem is we have very different ideas about where we want to live. My husband prefers small towns, I prefer large ones. He likes seasons -- I hate the cold, etc.

We have been able to sit down several times to discuss this calmly and rationally, but we remain deadlocked. My husband wants to move back to his hometown to be near his friends and relatives, and refuses to budge even an inch. I am scared to death, because I have visited his hometown three times now and I've hated it every time.

I don't know what to do. Everyone I talk to tells me to stand up for my rights, but how can I when there is no compromise? Abby, please help me. -- STUCK AND SCARED

DEAR STUCK AND SCARED: Since your husband is inflexible, my advice is to rent a place in his hometown for a year. At the end of the year, if you are still unhappy and your husband is still unwilling to move, it may be necessary to re-evaluate your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago you gave me some good advice on a bad situation, so here I am again.

My husband and I lived together for two years before we got married. During that time he would help me around the house, go grocery shopping with me, and even accompany me to church. After marriage, all that stopped.

We have been married for four years. Now I eat breakfast alone while he sleeps until noon. I grocery-shop alone, attend church alone (too early for him) and go to the senior center alone -- he is 70 years old and says the people there are "too old" for him. Oh, by the way, I also go to bed alone. He's decided we're too old for sex. All he does is eat, sleep and sit! I feel like I'm only a housekeeper. -- FED UP IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR FED UP: You and your husband are overdue for a heart-to-heart talk. The topic of conversation should be "What has happened to the charming, helpful, loving companion I married -- because I don't know or particularly like the person you've become." His response will tell you whether your marriage can be revived through counseling and mutual effort -- or whether you'd be better off without him.

DEAR ABBY: I recently took a date, her daughter and her daughter's friend to a bingo hall.

Well, with all the cards, markers, food, drink, etc., I was out about $90. On the very last game, my date won $500. I thought, "Great -- a free evening for me and she will still have $400!" Wrong! She said that it was her money, and she didn't give me a dime.

All my male friends said she should have split it with me, but my female friends said she was right to keep it all to herself.

Abby, what do you think was right? -- NO MORE BINGO DATES IN TEXAS

DEAR NO MORE BINGO DATES: A single mother who is raising a child might find it difficult to part with half of her unexpected windfall as your male friends suggested. However, she would have been gracious to have reimbursed you the $90 you spent for the evening.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)