DEAR ABBY: My husband is 37 and I am 29. We have been married almost two years and are starting to look for a place to buy or build a home.

The problem is we have very different ideas about where we want to live. My husband prefers small towns, I prefer large ones. He likes seasons -- I hate the cold, etc.

We have been able to sit down several times to discuss this calmly and rationally, but we remain deadlocked. My husband wants to move back to his hometown to be near his friends and relatives, and refuses to budge even an inch. I am scared to death, because I have visited his hometown three times now and I've hated it every time.

I don't know what to do. Everyone I talk to tells me to stand up for my rights, but how can I when there is no compromise? Abby, please help me. -- STUCK AND SCARED

DEAR STUCK AND SCARED: Since your husband is inflexible, my advice is to rent a place in his hometown for a year. At the end of the year, if you are still unhappy and your husband is still unwilling to move, it may be necessary to re-evaluate your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago you gave me some good advice on a bad situation, so here I am again.

My husband and I lived together for two years before we got married. During that time he would help me around the house, go grocery shopping with me, and even accompany me to church. After marriage, all that stopped.

We have been married for four years. Now I eat breakfast alone while he sleeps until noon. I grocery-shop alone, attend church alone (too early for him) and go to the senior center alone -- he is 70 years old and says the people there are "too old" for him. Oh, by the way, I also go to bed alone. He's decided we're too old for sex. All he does is eat, sleep and sit! I feel like I'm only a housekeeper. -- FED UP IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR FED UP: You and your husband are overdue for a heart-to-heart talk. The topic of conversation should be "What has happened to the charming, helpful, loving companion I married -- because I don't know or particularly like the person you've become." His response will tell you whether your marriage can be revived through counseling and mutual effort -- or whether you'd be better off without him.

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago you gave me some good advice on a bad situation, so here I am again.

My husband and I lived together for two years before we got married. During that time he would help me around the house, go grocery shopping with me, and even accompany me to church. After marriage, all that stopped.

We have been married for four years. Now I eat breakfast alone while he sleeps until noon. I grocery-shop alone, attend church alone (too early for him) and go to the senior center alone -- he is 70 years old and says the people there are "too old" for him. Oh, by the way, I also go to bed alone. He's decided we're too old for sex. All he does is eat, sleep and sit! I feel like I'm only a housekeeper. -- FED UP IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR FED UP: You and your husband are overdue for a heart-to-heart talk. The topic of conversation should be "What has happened to the charming, helpful, loving companion I married -- because I don't know or particularly like the person you've become." His response will tell you whether your marriage can be revived through counseling and mutual effort -- or whether you'd be better off without him.

DEAR ABBY: I recently took a date, her daughter and her daughter's friend to a bingo hall.

Well, with all the cards, markers, food, drink, etc., I was out about $90. On the very last game, my date won $500. I thought, "Great -- a free evening for me and she will still have $400!" Wrong! She said that it was her money, and she didn't give me a dime.

All my male friends said she should have split it with me, but my female friends said she was right to keep it all to herself.

Abby, what do you think was right? -- NO MORE BINGO DATES IN TEXAS

DEAR NO MORE BINGO DATES: A single mother who is raising a child might find it difficult to part with half of her unexpected windfall as your male friends suggested. However, she would have been gracious to have reimbursed you the $90 you spent for the evening.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an office with many other women. Over the years, the happier in life I have become, the more jealous and petty these women have become toward me.

Abby, I come to work on time, do my job, try to be pleasant to everyone and go home. I adore my bosses, and I cannot understand the serpent's tongues of my co-workers.

Another woman in the office has mentioned the meanness of some of the people we work with, so it isn't just my own perceptions. I am not a confrontational person and I do not wish to return ugliness for ugliness, so I don't know how to defend myself against these sharp-tongued women. Sometimes the nastiness is very subtle -- it can be a smirk or the tone of voice -- and there isn't any obvious thing to address.

My job pays extremely well and I have been here for many years. I have many benefits and prefer not to leave. Have you any suggestions? -- "LOIS" IN SANTA ANA, CALIF.

DEAR "LOIS": Yes. Keep your private life completely separate from your professional life. Give these women nothing to fuel their jealousy. When something good happens to you, do not discuss it at the office. Be pleasant, but restrict your conversation to subjects that are work-related only. If you do this, they will have to find someone else to be the target of their sniping.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is to offer advice rather than to seek it. It's directed toward people who are planning to relocate after they retire. I would suggest to them that they live in the area in which they are planning to move for at least one year before making a final decision, and to make sure they are paying a fair market price before they buy.

My wife and I bought a home in Florida, thinking it would be the ideal place to retire. There is considerable development going on in the area. While it is a nice community, w have found it is not really what we wanted. We would like to sell our home and move.

Abby, the home we purchased has been on the market with a nationally known real estate company for two years. During that period we have had only one offer and it was for a price well below that for which it listed. (The house is listed at $20,000 less than what we paid for it three years ago.) If it does sell, after the commissions are paid, we will realize a loss of more than $25,000.

I would urge those contemplating retirement to avoid buying until they are absolutely sure. I guarantee it will save them a lot of time, money, frustration and disappointment. -- SADDER AND WISER IN FLORIDA

DEAR SADDER AND WISER: Thanks for sharing your expensive lesson with my readers, and for the reminder that a prudent investor carefully sizes up the market before investing in anything.

DEAR ABBY: Among the letters you printed about transsexuals using the ladies room was one from a woman who noticed the shoes on the person in the stall next to hers were pointed the "wrong" way, and she was outraged.

That letter made me laugh because a couple of years ago my bladder, for all intents and purposes, ceased functioning and I had a urostomy operation. In plain English, that means I now have a tube inside attached to a bag outside, and when I go to the ladies room to empty it, my shoes also point the "wrong way" and I occasionally wonder if anyone ever notices.

People shouldn't jump to conclusions -- especially about things that are none of their business. Please do not use my name if you print this. -- THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

DEAR GIRL NEXT DOOR: Most people are not privy to this kind of information, so thank you for speaking out. You were 100 percent on target when you stated that people shouldn't jump to conclusions.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently lost both of my parents within three months of each other. My oldest son was very close to his grandparents, and when I tried to find a reasonably recent picture of them, I had difficulty finding one.

I'm the one who takes the photos, but I'm rarely in one. I've used several excuses: too fat, I don't photograph well, etc. But after trying to locate a picture for my son, I began to think, "If something should happen to me, would my children have any photos to remember me by -- or to show to their future families?"

Abby, perhaps this can help change the minds of other camera-shy people. The people who love you don't care how photogenic you are. Also, remember to photograph the people you see every day, because one day they won't be there anymore. -- HOLLY W., BANGOR, MAINE

DEAR HOLLY: Thank you for a valuable letter. And while I'm on the subject of family pictures: Readers, take time to go through that box of pictures you've stored in the back of your closet and write the names (and dates) on each one while you can still remember them.

DEAR ABBY: My first wife and I got married right out of high school. She was the girl of my dreams, and I was ecstatic to possess her. I couldn't have been happier. Then my father died, leaving me a seven-day-a-week business that didn't allow much time for my marriage. When she had a problem, I was frequently too tired to listen. She wasn't a pushy woman, and it was easy for me to believe the problem had resolved itself when she stopped bringing it up. How wrong I was!

After six years of marriage, she found someone who made her feelings a priority. Apparently he took the time to listen to her. My best friend and my former wife are now very happy together.

I am now 28 and married for the second time. There are still times when I find myself reverting to old habits. Sometimes I'm very tired, but I know I must make the effort to hear what she has to say -- or I will lose her, too.

I hope my first and second wives both read this letter, because I would like to say I'm sorry to my first wife, and thank you to my second.

Abby, to your other male readers, I say, "Remember, there's always someone out there willing to console a hurting woman. Don't give him the chance." -- STILL LEARNING OUT WEST

DEAR STILL LEARNING: That's sage advice from someone who learned an expensive lesson in communication.

DEAR ABBY: I am part of a car pool to after-school activities, and at my mother's instructions, I always say "Thank you" to the driver after getting out of the car.

My friends question this, saying the parent has offered to drive us, so a "thank you" is not necessary.

Abby, isn't it rude to get out of a car, after being given a ride, without so much as a "goodbye and thank you"? -- SANTA ROSA

DEAR SANTA ROSA: Yes, it is rude. Your friends who say a "thank you" is not necessary are mistaken. I advise you to continue to thank the driver after every ride.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)