DEAR ABBY: I am 11 years old. I'm in the sixth grade and I'm adopted. I don't have a mother, but I have two dads. My dad adopted me just after I turned 1 year old because my mother took drugs and didn't take care of me. My dad met his lover when I was 4, and we have lived together since I was 6.

The reason I am writing is for all the people who say bad things about my dad and me. It's usually not the kids at school, it's their parents and some of my teachers. They ask me if it bothers me that I was adopted by a gay man and don't have a mom. Well, it doesn't bother me -- only their questions bother me. I love my dad and he loves me. I have a godmother I see every couple of months and she's kind of like a mom to me.

Some people say that living with my dad is going to make me gay, but his parents raised him to be straight and he isn't. My dad was born gay and he can't change who he is. He says you either are or you aren't. He has never told me to like boys (or girls). He says when I am older, I will feel love for somebody, just like he loves John, just like my godmother loves her husband and just like my uncle loves his wife.

Abby, I know a lot of people read your column. Please print my letter so maybe people will think twice before they say hurtful things to people like me. Just because my family is a little different doesn't mean I'm not happy. The Bible even says you should not judge other people. -- HAPPILY ADOPTED IN ORLANDO, FLA.

DEAR HAPPILY ADOPTED: Thank you for a wonderful letter. There is an incredible amount of wisdom in that 11-year-old head of yours. May God continue to bless you.

DEAR ABBY: Per your recent request for examples of acts of kindness:

A Washington, D.C., man recently cleaned up and repainted a rusting and neglected police call box in front of his house. He was arrested for defacing government property!

A woman in the Midwest put a quarter in the parking meter of a total stranger. She was arrested for violating her town's parking laws.

A store owner on eastern Long Island put a sign in his window advertising the sale of pumpkins grown in his garden. He was arrested for violating some obscure zoning ordinance, and since his case has generated publicity, police and local officials have engaged in a campaign of harassment against him.

A public-spirited Chicago man who purchased an electric car to fight pollution is now engaged in a legal battle against the state motor vehicle officials, who claim that electric cars can't pass the required emissions test because they don't produce any emissions.

Who was it who said, "No good deed goes unpunished"? -- P.M. IN HICKSVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR P.M.: According to Brewer's Quotations, "No good deed goes unpunished" is attributed to Oscar Wilde.

I agree that on the face of it, the reactions of the authorities appear unjust. However, before I render a judgment, I would have to know more of the details.

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DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Concerned Daughter," whose elderly mother is being prescribed narcotic medication.

The daughter indicates that the narcotics were prescribed for "aches and pains." Generally speaking, narcotics are not prescribed for general aches and pains. I've had 20 years' experience working alongside physicians and have never seen this happen. Narcotic medication is used to treat pain associated with cancer, injury or other serious pain conditions.

No one is able to feel another's pain. If "Concerned Daughter's" mother has a condition that requires strong medication, that is her physician's decision. I agree that it's important for the daughter to meet with the physician. There may be a condition that the daughter is unaware of. It may be that narcotic medication is the only treatment for the mother because of her age, poor surgical risk, etc.

Chronic, serious pain can have a debilitating effect on an individual, seriously impairing the quality of life. Patients with chronic pain should not be considered addicts simply because they are treated with narcotics. Addiction must be placed in proper perspective. Physical dependence and tolerance of drugs are not the same as addiction. Addiction is aberrant behavior and compulsive use of drugs for non-medical purposes.

Individuals who suffer pain should be viewed with compassion. -- EXPERIENCED IN PAIN

DEAR EXPERIENCED: No one should have to suffer pain when relief is available. However, since many seniors have difficulty monitoring their medications, they are at risk of not only addiction but serious drug interactions as well.

If a physician determines that a senior patient needs narcotic medication, it would be a kindness for a family member to stay involved to ensure the medication is taken as prescribed.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Disgusted in Florida": My husband and I met and married in Florida 16 years ago. He, being single and in the Navy, had visited many nude beaches overseas throughout the years, so of course he tried to persuade me to go to a nudist club with him. My response was always, "No way!"

Two years ago, we were sent to Virginia, where he promptly found a nudist club. For some reason, I finally agreed to go with him. I was just like "Disgusted" -- I had assumed that people went to nudist clubs only to gawk at all the naked people. However, I figured I might as well go just once, so I could justify my feelings and prove to him that I was right.

Well, I was WRONG! I was surprised at the "non-reaction" the people there had. I was also sure that I would either catch him looking around or that I would be intimidated, but neither happened.

Persuading me to go took a lot of perseverance on my husband's part, and although I had determined that I was not the type to frequent such places, I am very happy that I went once. It became a valuable learning experience.

I guess this is a long way of saying, don't be so quick to judge before you try something. You may be pleasantly surprised! -- HAPPILY SURPRISED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HAPPILY SURPRISED: Call me hung-up, narrow-minded, square or behind the times, but I would never be comfortable in a nudist colony. However, I wholeheartedly support the right of anyone with an opposing view to do as he or she wishes. (P.S. Hand me a towel, please.)

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DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column from "Lady Carpenter" inspired this letter. I do a little carpentry, too, but primarily I am an electrician. I have my own business and I, too, make frequent trips to hardware stores and lumberyards. I, too, bring my husband along to help carry and load. And yes, you guessed it, I'm also subjected to the ignorance of male clerks -- and sometimes female clerks, as well.

My husband is wonderful. He either ignores the clerk who talks to him first, forcing the clerk to address me, or else he tells the person to talk to me because I'm the electrician and the buying customer. The only way I can get a clerk to look me in the eye instead of my husband is to go to the store alone. Unfortunately, it takes longer to get waited on that way.

I once had to track down the owner of a small local hardware store and ask if he was ever going to wait on me. He said he thought I had come in with the last man, who had just left. He apologized and then said he didn't have anything in his store that would interest a woman. "How about if the woman is an electrician?" I asked. He said, "Oh! What would you like?" I said, "Nothing from you," and left.

Abby, we need to let more men know that there are plenty of women out here who are interested in so-called "men's work," and who are quite good at it, too. I've been "messing around" with wires since I was 10 -- more than 40 years now.

Please help us get the word out that women in the trades exist in greater numbers than most people realize. If you print this, please don't use my name. Let all those guys out there wonder which of the many thousands of us women who do "men's work" wrote this. -- LADY ELECTRICIAN

DEAR LADY ELECTRICIAN: Your encounter illustrates how offensive stereotyping can be. Knowledgeable women exist in the work force today in almost every field. Read on as another woman in a nontraditional business shares her wisdom.

DEAR ABBY: I got a kick out of the letter from the woman who went into a lumberyard with her husband (she's in the building business and the clerk was talking to him instead of her). She was furious because she was getting no respect as a woman and the owner of a business.

I am a woman who has been in the sign business since the '70s. I cut, paint, rout and letter my own signs, and I assure you I have never had a problem with "respect" from the lumber department. I also have raised six kids. I wouldn't dream of taking my husband along when I'm dealing in business. If you want respect, you don't drag your husband along. My business is mine, and I'm in control. My husband's business is his, and I assume he is in control of it.

SOME BASIC RULES:

1. Do not take a husband along -- go alone. Pick out your merchandise, let the clerk put the lumber on the truck or into the car. Your husband can meet you at the destination to unload.

2. If you can't drive the truck with the lumber in it, have him wait in the truck until you've made your purchases, then signal him to help. Then you'll be in control.

3. If you need him and can't do without him, let him linger in the back of the store examining other merchandise and making believe he is not with you. Then signal him when your shopping is complete.

Men are not ogres, Abby. The lumber people are only looking for business. If your money is green, that's all that matters. They don't care if you're male or female, 19 or 90. -- ANNIE IN THE SIGN BUSINESS IN CHESTER, N.J.

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