DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Concerned Daughter," whose elderly mother is being prescribed narcotic medication.

The daughter indicates that the narcotics were prescribed for "aches and pains." Generally speaking, narcotics are not prescribed for general aches and pains. I've had 20 years' experience working alongside physicians and have never seen this happen. Narcotic medication is used to treat pain associated with cancer, injury or other serious pain conditions.

No one is able to feel another's pain. If "Concerned Daughter's" mother has a condition that requires strong medication, that is her physician's decision. I agree that it's important for the daughter to meet with the physician. There may be a condition that the daughter is unaware of. It may be that narcotic medication is the only treatment for the mother because of her age, poor surgical risk, etc.

Chronic, serious pain can have a debilitating effect on an individual, seriously impairing the quality of life. Patients with chronic pain should not be considered addicts simply because they are treated with narcotics. Addiction must be placed in proper perspective. Physical dependence and tolerance of drugs are not the same as addiction. Addiction is aberrant behavior and compulsive use of drugs for non-medical purposes.

Individuals who suffer pain should be viewed with compassion. -- EXPERIENCED IN PAIN

DEAR EXPERIENCED: No one should have to suffer pain when relief is available. However, since many seniors have difficulty monitoring their medications, they are at risk of not only addiction but serious drug interactions as well.

If a physician determines that a senior patient needs narcotic medication, it would be a kindness for a family member to stay involved to ensure the medication is taken as prescribed.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Disgusted in Florida": My husband and I met and married in Florida 16 years ago. He, being single and in the Navy, had visited many nude beaches overseas throughout the years, so of course he tried to persuade me to go to a nudist club with him. My response was always, "No way!"

Two years ago, we were sent to Virginia, where he promptly found a nudist club. For some reason, I finally agreed to go with him. I was just like "Disgusted" -- I had assumed that people went to nudist clubs only to gawk at all the naked people. However, I figured I might as well go just once, so I could justify my feelings and prove to him that I was right.

Well, I was WRONG! I was surprised at the "non-reaction" the people there had. I was also sure that I would either catch him looking around or that I would be intimidated, but neither happened.

Persuading me to go took a lot of perseverance on my husband's part, and although I had determined that I was not the type to frequent such places, I am very happy that I went once. It became a valuable learning experience.

I guess this is a long way of saying, don't be so quick to judge before you try something. You may be pleasantly surprised! -- HAPPILY SURPRISED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HAPPILY SURPRISED: Call me hung-up, narrow-minded, square or behind the times, but I would never be comfortable in a nudist colony. However, I wholeheartedly support the right of anyone with an opposing view to do as he or she wishes. (P.S. Hand me a towel, please.)

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column from "Lady Carpenter" inspired this letter. I do a little carpentry, too, but primarily I am an electrician. I have my own business and I, too, make frequent trips to hardware stores and lumberyards. I, too, bring my husband along to help carry and load. And yes, you guessed it, I'm also subjected to the ignorance of male clerks -- and sometimes female clerks, as well.

My husband is wonderful. He either ignores the clerk who talks to him first, forcing the clerk to address me, or else he tells the person to talk to me because I'm the electrician and the buying customer. The only way I can get a clerk to look me in the eye instead of my husband is to go to the store alone. Unfortunately, it takes longer to get waited on that way.

I once had to track down the owner of a small local hardware store and ask if he was ever going to wait on me. He said he thought I had come in with the last man, who had just left. He apologized and then said he didn't have anything in his store that would interest a woman. "How about if the woman is an electrician?" I asked. He said, "Oh! What would you like?" I said, "Nothing from you," and left.

Abby, we need to let more men know that there are plenty of women out here who are interested in so-called "men's work," and who are quite good at it, too. I've been "messing around" with wires since I was 10 -- more than 40 years now.

Please help us get the word out that women in the trades exist in greater numbers than most people realize. If you print this, please don't use my name. Let all those guys out there wonder which of the many thousands of us women who do "men's work" wrote this. -- LADY ELECTRICIAN

DEAR LADY ELECTRICIAN: Your encounter illustrates how offensive stereotyping can be. Knowledgeable women exist in the work force today in almost every field. Read on as another woman in a nontraditional business shares her wisdom.

DEAR ABBY: I got a kick out of the letter from the woman who went into a lumberyard with her husband (she's in the building business and the clerk was talking to him instead of her). She was furious because she was getting no respect as a woman and the owner of a business.

I am a woman who has been in the sign business since the '70s. I cut, paint, rout and letter my own signs, and I assure you I have never had a problem with "respect" from the lumber department. I also have raised six kids. I wouldn't dream of taking my husband along when I'm dealing in business. If you want respect, you don't drag your husband along. My business is mine, and I'm in control. My husband's business is his, and I assume he is in control of it.

SOME BASIC RULES:

1. Do not take a husband along -- go alone. Pick out your merchandise, let the clerk put the lumber on the truck or into the car. Your husband can meet you at the destination to unload.

2. If you can't drive the truck with the lumber in it, have him wait in the truck until you've made your purchases, then signal him to help. Then you'll be in control.

3. If you need him and can't do without him, let him linger in the back of the store examining other merchandise and making believe he is not with you. Then signal him when your shopping is complete.

Men are not ogres, Abby. The lumber people are only looking for business. If your money is green, that's all that matters. They don't care if you're male or female, 19 or 90. -- ANNIE IN THE SIGN BUSINESS IN CHESTER, N.J.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married almost four years. He has two children in middle school from his first marriage who live not far away. He and his ex-wife are on friendly terms, but I am having some problems with their relationship.

Whenever there is a special occasion, like birthdays, Father's Day, etc., my husband's ex-wife buys gifts for him from the children. I think it is my place to see that he has gifts from his children. Am I wrong?

My other concern is that when the children are at our home and their mother comes to pick them up, she always comes into the house. I work irregular shifts so I am seldom there when she comes over. I don't want her in my home with my husband when I am not there. Am I wrong about this, too? My husband says I'm wrong on both counts. -- NO GIFTS, PLEASE IN HUDSON, N.C.

DEAR NO GIFTS: Setting a good example and creating an atmosphere of civility are more important than your feelings of insecurity.

It is the mother's responsibility to teach the children about gift-giving. Be thankful she is setting a tone of generosity and encouraging the children to acknowledge their father on special occasions. The right thing for your husband (and you) to do would be to see that the gift-giving is reciprocal on her birthday and Mother's Day.

However, since your husband's ex-wife's presence in your home when you are absent makes you uncomfortable, your husband should respect your feelings and ask the children to meet their mother out in front of the house when she picks them up.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "Hurting in Cincinnati," and I think you missed the boat in your reply.

Nosy questions like "How much do you weigh?" don't deserve answers. The flight attendant should simply flash her brightest smile and say, "Wow! That's really a personal question!" then change the subject entirely, i.e.: "Would you like a magazine?"

Questions such as, "When are you due?" and "How much longer do you have before you go on maternity leave?" can be answered with humor by replying, "Probably nine months after we decide to start a family!" with a smile and a chuckle. She can then ask the passenger, "Do you have children?" and change the subject.

As a woman who is overweight and has a sensitive nature, I have had to deal with my share of these questions. A smile and a sense of humor have helped me through most of them. "Hurting in Cincinnati" should remember that everyone has problems. Some are just more visible than others.

Abby, people with a weight problem know they should see a physician. They know they should consider an exercise program and see a dietitian. But knowledge and action are two different things. Ask any smoker, drug user, alcoholic or gambler. Bribing us, shaming us, taunting us and humiliating us will not work. When we're truly ready to seek help, we will. Sign me ... A LOVELY PERSONALITY IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR LOVELY PERSONALITY: Thank you for an excellent letter, one of many I received from overweight individuals who have accepted themselves as they are, and who disagreed with my answer. (Some accused me of being fat phobic, and that may be true because it has only been with discipline and conscious effort that I've been able to maintain a consistent dress size for most of my adult life.) However, the reason uppermost in my mind when I advised the flight attendant to regard the questions about her being pregnant as a wake-up call was the fact that her employment could depend upon controlling her weight.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)