DEAR ABBY: May I add to your examples of acts of kindness?

A short time later, a nurse from the hospital to which Cindy had been transferred called to update me on her status. Her injuries were severe; she was stable but critical and heading into surgery. Breaking all the rules, the nurse told me that my nephews, Jacob and Travis, had died instantly in the crash.

I had called ahead to Houston to reserve a rental car. But when I arrived, they refused to rent me one because I didn't have a current driver's license. My purse had been stolen the week before, and I had not yet gone to get a replacement. All I had with me was an expired card I was using for picture ID, but was told that was unacceptable. I was devastated. I was still two hours from the hospital where Cindy was.

I stood outside the rental office in the rain, ready to burst into tears, when two men who had been ahead of me in line at the counter approached and asked me why the agency wouldn't rent me a car. I explained about my sister, her family, the stolen purse and the missing driver's license. They listened sympathetically, then told me not to worry, they would get me there.

They were John and June James, a father and son who live in Houston. They took me to John's home so I could call my family and let them know I was all right. Then June drove me 120 miles (one way) to the hospital where my sister and surviving nephew were. I don't know how I could have gotten to her side without their help. June's sister rode along, talking with me and keeping me calm the whole trip.

June drove 240 miles, round trip, for a stranger -- and I pray that God blesses them for their generous and caring natures. I don't judge people by their color, but I know many ignorant people who do. Thankfully, the James family doesn't either, for you see, I am white and the Jameses are black. They saw a person in desperate need, and I saw a loving family.

My sister and nephew are still recovering from their injuries. Her husband sustained minor injuries, but like Cindy, he's dealing with the grief of losing two sons. -- BONNIE BURGETT, WILLMAR, MINN.

DEAR BONNIE: I'm gratified to know that your sister, brother-in-law and one of your nephews survived the tragedy. Please accept my condolences on the loss of the younger children, and thank you for sharing this act of kindness with me and my readers.

All too often, the media reflect only violence and tragedy because sensationalism is what sells. But there are generous, caring people who reach out to others every day. And as obvious as it may seem, it bears repeating.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "CHATTERBOX" IN MIAMI BEACH: Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. (Plato)

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently read in the paper another account of a young life lost in a car accident. I live within 30 miles of two universities, and I can't begin to tell you how many accidents of this kind we have each year. The young driver wasn't drinking or speeding. She was reaching down to pick up a CD she had dropped. She swerved off the road, overcorrected, and slammed into another vehicle. She and her passenger were killed instantly. The people in the car she struck were lucky; they were only badly bruised and shaken.

My husband is a tow truck driver who often has to gather up what is left after one of these senseless accidents. Our hearts break for the friends and families of these precious young people. Please, Abby, remind drivers of every age: Do not try to find something you have dropped, change the radio station, tape or CD, read, apply makeup, shave, or dial a cell phone with one hand while you are driving! It takes only a second or a glance away from the road to drift and lose control of your car. -- BECAUSE I CARE, COLFAX, WASH.

DEAR BECAUSE: Younger drivers are particularly at risk for this type of accident because they are more easily distracted and less experienced at regaining control of a vehicle -- but everyone should heed your warning.

The law in 49 states now mandates that everyone in an automobile wear seat belts, and that has saved many lives. However, nothing is as important as paying full attention to the task at hand -- and that means keeping both eyes on the road and both hands firmly on the wheel.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ashley" for three years. During this time we have learned a great deal about each other, have compromised on many issues, and are very close to getting married.

There is one issue that stands in the way. Ashley feels that it is OK to keep secrets from each other. By secrets, I don't mean things from the past, but current day-to-day matters. For example, when I ask who she was talking to after she hangs up the phone, or inquire about her activities if we haven't seen each other for a few days, she thinks I'm prying.

I don't think I can ever trust someone who withholds things from me. I feel that for two people to be really close, there can be no secrets. Her withholding creates a sense of insecurity in me. Abby, is it normal for people in a relationship to withhold information from each other? -- SECRETLY WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: If you cannot stop questioning her and she is unable to be more forthcoming, the two of you are facing a serious obstacle. I urge you to seek counseling and resolve it before you marry.

If you trust her, you should not need to know to whom she was talking every time she hangs up the phone, nor should you grill her about her activities in your absence. On the other hand, part of a healthy level of communication between couples is the sharing of information through normal conversation.

Remember, there is a difference between keeping secrets and maintaining privacy.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to the New York woman who was uncomfortable with her husband's sexy dance moves with other women made my blood boil. Advising her to take dancing lessons so she'd be a more appealing partner harkens back to the 1950s when women were made to accept all the responsibility for relationships.

Wake up and smell the coffee! This is NOT about her skills on the dance floor. It's about his selfish desire to have it all -- the stimulation and ego-gratification that comes with dancing with other women, and the safety and security of marriage and home once the party ends. If he truly loved her, as he claims, he would not persist in a behavior that he knows makes her unhappy and uncomfortable.

She doesn't need dance lessons. He needs psychotherapy to find out why he continues this subtly sadistic, passive-aggressive behavior toward a woman who obviously loves him. -- SIOUX CITY READER

DEAR SIOUX CITY: You're not the only reader who thought I let the husband off the hook too easily. However, my impression was that the husband simply loved to dance, and his wife was reading more into his dance style than was warranted.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 20s. At the end of last summer, suffering from a broken heart, I took a trip to a beach resort where I met an attractive man and had a one-week fling. I know what I did was wrong.

As I was leaving, "Jordan" asked for my telephone number and promised he'd call me. He never did. Two months later, I discovered I was pregnant. I figured I'd better let Jordan know, so I tracked down his phone number (after some pretty extensive investigation), and called him shortly after Christmas.

I know he answered the phone, because he has a very distinctive voice. He was very rude to me, said I had a wrong number and hung up. I never got a chance to tell him about the baby.

Abby, I'm not looking for any support from this man, because I am financially well-off. I felt it was my moral obligation to inform Jordan that he is going to be a father.

Our baby is due soon. The ultrasound indicates it is most likely a girl. Part of me says, "Keep this little girl all to yourself. Jordan will only deny her anyway." Another part says, "Tell him and let him deal with it." I also worry about what I will tell my daughter when she is old enough to ask who her daddy is. Jordan is not good father material, so I may be doing my daughter a favor if I don't tell him.

Abby, please help. I am very ambivalent. -- TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

DEAR TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL: Jordan has a right to know he is going to be a father. It remains to be seen whether or not he is "good father material." Since you had difficulty informing him by telephone, write him a letter. If he runs true to form, it will be the last communication between the two of you.

Although you may not want to be reminded, you could have avoided this problem had you practiced safe sex in the first place.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school and would like to ask a girl to the senior prom. She is a junior, and wouldn't normally be able to go. The problem is, the prom is very expensive and I have no source of income. I have been saving from my small allowance for months, but have only managed to scrape together about $150. Tickets to the dance are $95, and by the time I rent a tux I'll be broke, if not in debt. My parents will not help me out. (Even if they offered, I don't think they could afford it.)

How can I ask her to go with me when I can't afford it? Please don't suggest that we do "free" things over the weekend, because the group of friends we want to go with have already made big plans -- expensive plans. If I could somehow tell her that we need to go dutch, that would make things more affordable.

I really don't want to ask her on the stipulation that we are to go as "just friends," because I think of her as more than that. Please help me, Abby. What should I do? -- PENNILESS FOR THE PROM

DEAR PENNILESS: It is unfortunate that what was once a carefree rite of passage that almost everyone could enjoy has become such an elaborate ritual that it is now beyond the means of many.

However, since that is the reality of the '90s, talk to the young lady and tell her exactly what you have told me. It's possible that she won't mind going dutch, and might even volunteer.

Readers, if you have found yourself in a similar situation and would like to tell me how you resolved it, I would appreciate your input.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)