DEAR ABBY: I recently read in the paper another account of a young life lost in a car accident. I live within 30 miles of two universities, and I can't begin to tell you how many accidents of this kind we have each year. The young driver wasn't drinking or speeding. She was reaching down to pick up a CD she had dropped. She swerved off the road, overcorrected, and slammed into another vehicle. She and her passenger were killed instantly. The people in the car she struck were lucky; they were only badly bruised and shaken.

My husband is a tow truck driver who often has to gather up what is left after one of these senseless accidents. Our hearts break for the friends and families of these precious young people. Please, Abby, remind drivers of every age: Do not try to find something you have dropped, change the radio station, tape or CD, read, apply makeup, shave, or dial a cell phone with one hand while you are driving! It takes only a second or a glance away from the road to drift and lose control of your car. -- BECAUSE I CARE, COLFAX, WASH.

DEAR BECAUSE: Younger drivers are particularly at risk for this type of accident because they are more easily distracted and less experienced at regaining control of a vehicle -- but everyone should heed your warning.

The law in 49 states now mandates that everyone in an automobile wear seat belts, and that has saved many lives. However, nothing is as important as paying full attention to the task at hand -- and that means keeping both eyes on the road and both hands firmly on the wheel.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ashley" for three years. During this time we have learned a great deal about each other, have compromised on many issues, and are very close to getting married.

There is one issue that stands in the way. Ashley feels that it is OK to keep secrets from each other. By secrets, I don't mean things from the past, but current day-to-day matters. For example, when I ask who she was talking to after she hangs up the phone, or inquire about her activities if we haven't seen each other for a few days, she thinks I'm prying.

I don't think I can ever trust someone who withholds things from me. I feel that for two people to be really close, there can be no secrets. Her withholding creates a sense of insecurity in me. Abby, is it normal for people in a relationship to withhold information from each other? -- SECRETLY WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: If you cannot stop questioning her and she is unable to be more forthcoming, the two of you are facing a serious obstacle. I urge you to seek counseling and resolve it before you marry.

If you trust her, you should not need to know to whom she was talking every time she hangs up the phone, nor should you grill her about her activities in your absence. On the other hand, part of a healthy level of communication between couples is the sharing of information through normal conversation.

Remember, there is a difference between keeping secrets and maintaining privacy.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to the New York woman who was uncomfortable with her husband's sexy dance moves with other women made my blood boil. Advising her to take dancing lessons so she'd be a more appealing partner harkens back to the 1950s when women were made to accept all the responsibility for relationships.

Wake up and smell the coffee! This is NOT about her skills on the dance floor. It's about his selfish desire to have it all -- the stimulation and ego-gratification that comes with dancing with other women, and the safety and security of marriage and home once the party ends. If he truly loved her, as he claims, he would not persist in a behavior that he knows makes her unhappy and uncomfortable.

She doesn't need dance lessons. He needs psychotherapy to find out why he continues this subtly sadistic, passive-aggressive behavior toward a woman who obviously loves him. -- SIOUX CITY READER

DEAR SIOUX CITY: You're not the only reader who thought I let the husband off the hook too easily. However, my impression was that the husband simply loved to dance, and his wife was reading more into his dance style than was warranted.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 20s. At the end of last summer, suffering from a broken heart, I took a trip to a beach resort where I met an attractive man and had a one-week fling. I know what I did was wrong.

As I was leaving, "Jordan" asked for my telephone number and promised he'd call me. He never did. Two months later, I discovered I was pregnant. I figured I'd better let Jordan know, so I tracked down his phone number (after some pretty extensive investigation), and called him shortly after Christmas.

I know he answered the phone, because he has a very distinctive voice. He was very rude to me, said I had a wrong number and hung up. I never got a chance to tell him about the baby.

Abby, I'm not looking for any support from this man, because I am financially well-off. I felt it was my moral obligation to inform Jordan that he is going to be a father.

Our baby is due soon. The ultrasound indicates it is most likely a girl. Part of me says, "Keep this little girl all to yourself. Jordan will only deny her anyway." Another part says, "Tell him and let him deal with it." I also worry about what I will tell my daughter when she is old enough to ask who her daddy is. Jordan is not good father material, so I may be doing my daughter a favor if I don't tell him.

Abby, please help. I am very ambivalent. -- TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

DEAR TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL: Jordan has a right to know he is going to be a father. It remains to be seen whether or not he is "good father material." Since you had difficulty informing him by telephone, write him a letter. If he runs true to form, it will be the last communication between the two of you.

Although you may not want to be reminded, you could have avoided this problem had you practiced safe sex in the first place.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school and would like to ask a girl to the senior prom. She is a junior, and wouldn't normally be able to go. The problem is, the prom is very expensive and I have no source of income. I have been saving from my small allowance for months, but have only managed to scrape together about $150. Tickets to the dance are $95, and by the time I rent a tux I'll be broke, if not in debt. My parents will not help me out. (Even if they offered, I don't think they could afford it.)

How can I ask her to go with me when I can't afford it? Please don't suggest that we do "free" things over the weekend, because the group of friends we want to go with have already made big plans -- expensive plans. If I could somehow tell her that we need to go dutch, that would make things more affordable.

I really don't want to ask her on the stipulation that we are to go as "just friends," because I think of her as more than that. Please help me, Abby. What should I do? -- PENNILESS FOR THE PROM

DEAR PENNILESS: It is unfortunate that what was once a carefree rite of passage that almost everyone could enjoy has become such an elaborate ritual that it is now beyond the means of many.

However, since that is the reality of the '90s, talk to the young lady and tell her exactly what you have told me. It's possible that she won't mind going dutch, and might even volunteer.

Readers, if you have found yourself in a similar situation and would like to tell me how you resolved it, I would appreciate your input.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Randall" and I divorced three years ago because of his infidelities. (We have one child -- a son -- who is now 7 years old.) Randall married the last of the women with whom he was involved during our marriage, and now he has instructed our son to call her "Mom."

When I confronted Randall about this, he denied that it was his idea. When I casually asked my son who encouraged him to call her "Mom," he replied, "Daddy did."

The latest absurdity is that Randall now refers to ME (when talking to our son) as "your biological mother." The boy lives with me, and I am the one who takes care of him on a daily basis and gets him to school, where I am a teacher. I read to him at night, take him to the doctor and dentist, and make sure he is well-groomed, fed and clothed properly. I am always there for him.

I have considered talking to Randall about this most recent label he is trying to assign to me, but he would be more likely to listen to someone other than myself regarding the possible damage and confusion to our son that could result from this behavior. -- MORE THAN A BIOLOGICAL MOM

DEAR MORE: Most experts agree that what the child calls the stepparent should be left up to the child. Forcing a child to use a name or title with which he or she is uncomfortable will only breed resentment and anger.

Insist that your ex-husband sit down with you and your son and explain that you are his "Mom" and his second wife is his stepmom, and he (your son) should choose a name to call her. Then check with her to be sure it's acceptable.

DEAR ABBY: Since moving to central Florida, I have run into an unusual practice -- multi-host cocktail parties. At first it was two or three; now it's up to five. These parties are held at a local club or condo rec room from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. All five names and phone numbers are listed on the invitation for R.S.V.P.

I have attended several of these parties in the past, but because I am not close to all the hosts, I'm not completely comfortable doing so.

Should I write a thank-you note to each host, or just one to be passed around?

I entertain at home with no time limit on my parties. Am I obligated to reciprocate to all five hosts, or just the one I "think" invited me?

In essence, the whole concept of multi-host cocktail parties leaves me with mixed emotions. Your opinion and comments will be greatly appreciated. -- CURIOUS IN CENTRAL FLORIDA

DEAR CURIOUS: It is not necessary to write a thank-you note to all of the hosts. Write only to the person you know, and that you THINK invited you. However, in order to be sure, ask if he or she was responsible for your invitation. You do not have to reciprocate the hospitality of all of the hosts, only those who invited you.

I see nothing wrong with multi-host cocktail parties. They provide an opportunity to have a good time, and possibly make some new friends. You need not feel uncomfortable. You would not have been invited had you not been wanted.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)