DEAR ABBY: "Randall" and I divorced three years ago because of his infidelities. (We have one child -- a son -- who is now 7 years old.) Randall married the last of the women with whom he was involved during our marriage, and now he has instructed our son to call her "Mom."

When I confronted Randall about this, he denied that it was his idea. When I casually asked my son who encouraged him to call her "Mom," he replied, "Daddy did."

The latest absurdity is that Randall now refers to ME (when talking to our son) as "your biological mother." The boy lives with me, and I am the one who takes care of him on a daily basis and gets him to school, where I am a teacher. I read to him at night, take him to the doctor and dentist, and make sure he is well-groomed, fed and clothed properly. I am always there for him.

I have considered talking to Randall about this most recent label he is trying to assign to me, but he would be more likely to listen to someone other than myself regarding the possible damage and confusion to our son that could result from this behavior. -- MORE THAN A BIOLOGICAL MOM

DEAR MORE: Most experts agree that what the child calls the stepparent should be left up to the child. Forcing a child to use a name or title with which he or she is uncomfortable will only breed resentment and anger.

Insist that your ex-husband sit down with you and your son and explain that you are his "Mom" and his second wife is his stepmom, and he (your son) should choose a name to call her. Then check with her to be sure it's acceptable.

DEAR ABBY: Since moving to central Florida, I have run into an unusual practice -- multi-host cocktail parties. At first it was two or three; now it's up to five. These parties are held at a local club or condo rec room from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. All five names and phone numbers are listed on the invitation for R.S.V.P.

I have attended several of these parties in the past, but because I am not close to all the hosts, I'm not completely comfortable doing so.

Should I write a thank-you note to each host, or just one to be passed around?

I entertain at home with no time limit on my parties. Am I obligated to reciprocate to all five hosts, or just the one I "think" invited me?

In essence, the whole concept of multi-host cocktail parties leaves me with mixed emotions. Your opinion and comments will be greatly appreciated. -- CURIOUS IN CENTRAL FLORIDA

DEAR CURIOUS: It is not necessary to write a thank-you note to all of the hosts. Write only to the person you know, and that you THINK invited you. However, in order to be sure, ask if he or she was responsible for your invitation. You do not have to reciprocate the hospitality of all of the hosts, only those who invited you.

I see nothing wrong with multi-host cocktail parties. They provide an opportunity to have a good time, and possibly make some new friends. You need not feel uncomfortable. You would not have been invited had you not been wanted.

DEAR ABBY: Since the semester started, there have been 12 fights. I'm afraid someone will try to pick a fight with me just for the fun of it.

I have never had to fight before and never want to. I never start trouble, but if someone tries to pick a fight with me, I won't know what to do.

How do I avoid being in a fight without looking like a wimp or having to suck up to people? I don't want to back down in front of everyone either. Please help me. -- WORRIED IN TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED: It's time to sign up for some lessons in self-defense -- judo, boxing or tae kwon do -- so if you have to protect yourself you will be able to. You may never have to use what you learn, but having the know-how will build your confidence. Once you know you can defend yourself, you will appear less afraid. Bullies usually avoid people who are not afraid of them. They prefer easy targets. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I wonder if it would be too much to ask to have salespeople and other businesspeople speak a little more slowly and clearly? I wish there were something I could wear, like a pink button or something, to show that I can hear, but not very well. People who can't see have the white-tipped canes, so why not something for those of us who have difficulty hearing?

I have gone the route of hearing aids, but all they do is amplify the sound. They do nothing to clarify it.

Many large businesses like Sears, J.C. Penney, etc. employ young girls with accents who speak in very high-pitched tones that are impossible to hear, and they usually get angry if you ask them to repeat themselves.

It's just a thought, but if someone could think of a universal signal to let people know they have trouble hearing, a great number of people would thank you. -- BETTYE MEEKER, MCKENZIE BRIDGE, ORE.

DEAR BETTYE: Many people have some degree of hearing loss, which is nothing to be ashamed of. The solution to your problem would be to simply tell the salespeople (or strangers) that you have a slight hearing loss and would appreciate it if they would speak a little slower and more distinctly.

DEAR ABBY: I have noted several "random acts of kindness" mentioned in your column lately, and thought you might appreciate what we, as employee/owners of Phelps County Bank, are doing.

We are divided into 12 groups, and each group has been assigned a month with one day designated "Random Acts of Kindness Day." In January, the group went out to highway construction sites and served hot chocolate to the snow removal crews. The February group arrived early in the morning at the Veterans Hospital in St. James, Mo., and baked chocolate chip cookies and visited with the residents. Our March employee/owners went to the local fire stations and brought them goodies.

Every time a group goes out, the rest of us wear our "Random Acts of Kindness" shirts. It tells the citizens of Rolla that Phelps County Bank, their employee-owned community bank, is again thanking them for their support. It's a great way to help the community while contributing to it through public service. -- KAREN DOPHER, ROLLA, MO.

DEAR KAREN: Hats off to the employee/owners of Phelps County Bank! If I lived in Rolla, I'd put my money in your bank.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I saw the letter in your column from the woman who wrote to say that after 13 years of abuse, she had finally decided she was going to leave her husband, I had to write. The woman's decision prompted her to pen a poem she titled "Love Isn't ..." After reading it, I was compelled to write my own "poem." I call it, "Stupid Is ..."

STUPID IS ...

-- Staying married to a man who is physically and verbally abusive for 13 YEARS! For heaven's sake, GET A CLUE!

-- Having a child with an abusive mate. It's hard to believe there were no incidents of this nature prior to having a baby.

-- Raising a child in this hostile environment. Statistics show that most abusers were either abused themselves or witnessed abuse during their own childhood. So, congratulations! You are now raising tomorrow's crop of tormentors.

-- Any woman who doesn't get the best possible education she can before she gets married or has children. A good education is your ticket to freedom! I've rarely heard a well-educated woman say, "I had to stay with this abusive man because I don't have anywhere to go."

-- Any woman who would PLAN to have a baby with someone who hasn't proven himself to be as committed to raising the child as she is. Choosing to bring a child into the world simply because you "want a baby" is the height of selfishness. Forget what you want. Think of what is best for the child.

-- Anyone who would have a baby they cannot afford to care for. To people who complain that it's impossible to raise a "family" on a minimum wage, I say, "If you are making only minimum wage, why are you starting a family?" Work your way up the ladder. Go back to school nights and weekends. Many of us have done just that, and THAT is how we have gotten ahead. Besides, job experience gives you something to fall back on if "Mr. Wonderful" turns out be less than you'd hoped for. You'll know you are capable of taking care of yourself.

Abby, I'm sure I'll be criticized for my opinion, but I am ... SICK AND TIRED OF VOLUNTARY VICTIMS IN OREGON

DEAR SICK AND TIRED: You may be criticized for stating your opinion, and I may be criticized for printing it. You didn't sugar-coat the message, but perhaps it needs to be said. However, it may interest you that not everyone saw "Goodbye Wife's" poem in the same light as you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a letter from "The Goodbye Wife in Calif." in which she outlined what "Love Isn't."

Abby, that letter hit home. I am married and the father of four. My wife and children have put up with that kind of behavior far too long.

Your advice was that we all have choices. Well, this husband and father just made one, before I, too, receive a letter like that.

I carry a copy of the column in my wallet, next to the picture of my family. At least once each day, I make it a point to look at both. Abby, I'd much rather have my family than get a goodbye letter.

Thanks to you and "Goodbye Wife" for opening my eyes. -- CHANGING IN CINCINNATI

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)