DEAR ABBY: Since the semester started, there have been 12 fights. I'm afraid someone will try to pick a fight with me just for the fun of it.

I have never had to fight before and never want to. I never start trouble, but if someone tries to pick a fight with me, I won't know what to do.

How do I avoid being in a fight without looking like a wimp or having to suck up to people? I don't want to back down in front of everyone either. Please help me. -- WORRIED IN TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED: It's time to sign up for some lessons in self-defense -- judo, boxing or tae kwon do -- so if you have to protect yourself you will be able to. You may never have to use what you learn, but having the know-how will build your confidence. Once you know you can defend yourself, you will appear less afraid. Bullies usually avoid people who are not afraid of them. They prefer easy targets. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I wonder if it would be too much to ask to have salespeople and other businesspeople speak a little more slowly and clearly? I wish there were something I could wear, like a pink button or something, to show that I can hear, but not very well. People who can't see have the white-tipped canes, so why not something for those of us who have difficulty hearing?

I have gone the route of hearing aids, but all they do is amplify the sound. They do nothing to clarify it.

Many large businesses like Sears, J.C. Penney, etc. employ young girls with accents who speak in very high-pitched tones that are impossible to hear, and they usually get angry if you ask them to repeat themselves.

It's just a thought, but if someone could think of a universal signal to let people know they have trouble hearing, a great number of people would thank you. -- BETTYE MEEKER, MCKENZIE BRIDGE, ORE.

DEAR BETTYE: Many people have some degree of hearing loss, which is nothing to be ashamed of. The solution to your problem would be to simply tell the salespeople (or strangers) that you have a slight hearing loss and would appreciate it if they would speak a little slower and more distinctly.

DEAR ABBY: I have noted several "random acts of kindness" mentioned in your column lately, and thought you might appreciate what we, as employee/owners of Phelps County Bank, are doing.

We are divided into 12 groups, and each group has been assigned a month with one day designated "Random Acts of Kindness Day." In January, the group went out to highway construction sites and served hot chocolate to the snow removal crews. The February group arrived early in the morning at the Veterans Hospital in St. James, Mo., and baked chocolate chip cookies and visited with the residents. Our March employee/owners went to the local fire stations and brought them goodies.

Every time a group goes out, the rest of us wear our "Random Acts of Kindness" shirts. It tells the citizens of Rolla that Phelps County Bank, their employee-owned community bank, is again thanking them for their support. It's a great way to help the community while contributing to it through public service. -- KAREN DOPHER, ROLLA, MO.

DEAR KAREN: Hats off to the employee/owners of Phelps County Bank! If I lived in Rolla, I'd put my money in your bank.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I saw the letter in your column from the woman who wrote to say that after 13 years of abuse, she had finally decided she was going to leave her husband, I had to write. The woman's decision prompted her to pen a poem she titled "Love Isn't ..." After reading it, I was compelled to write my own "poem." I call it, "Stupid Is ..."

STUPID IS ...

-- Staying married to a man who is physically and verbally abusive for 13 YEARS! For heaven's sake, GET A CLUE!

-- Having a child with an abusive mate. It's hard to believe there were no incidents of this nature prior to having a baby.

-- Raising a child in this hostile environment. Statistics show that most abusers were either abused themselves or witnessed abuse during their own childhood. So, congratulations! You are now raising tomorrow's crop of tormentors.

-- Any woman who doesn't get the best possible education she can before she gets married or has children. A good education is your ticket to freedom! I've rarely heard a well-educated woman say, "I had to stay with this abusive man because I don't have anywhere to go."

-- Any woman who would PLAN to have a baby with someone who hasn't proven himself to be as committed to raising the child as she is. Choosing to bring a child into the world simply because you "want a baby" is the height of selfishness. Forget what you want. Think of what is best for the child.

-- Anyone who would have a baby they cannot afford to care for. To people who complain that it's impossible to raise a "family" on a minimum wage, I say, "If you are making only minimum wage, why are you starting a family?" Work your way up the ladder. Go back to school nights and weekends. Many of us have done just that, and THAT is how we have gotten ahead. Besides, job experience gives you something to fall back on if "Mr. Wonderful" turns out be less than you'd hoped for. You'll know you are capable of taking care of yourself.

Abby, I'm sure I'll be criticized for my opinion, but I am ... SICK AND TIRED OF VOLUNTARY VICTIMS IN OREGON

DEAR SICK AND TIRED: You may be criticized for stating your opinion, and I may be criticized for printing it. You didn't sugar-coat the message, but perhaps it needs to be said. However, it may interest you that not everyone saw "Goodbye Wife's" poem in the same light as you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a letter from "The Goodbye Wife in Calif." in which she outlined what "Love Isn't."

Abby, that letter hit home. I am married and the father of four. My wife and children have put up with that kind of behavior far too long.

Your advice was that we all have choices. Well, this husband and father just made one, before I, too, receive a letter like that.

I carry a copy of the column in my wallet, next to the picture of my family. At least once each day, I make it a point to look at both. Abby, I'd much rather have my family than get a goodbye letter.

Thanks to you and "Goodbye Wife" for opening my eyes. -- CHANGING IN CINCINNATI

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a mortgage broker, and it is my job to review people's credit history. I am disturbed by the number of people who are mired in credit card debt. I just talked to a couple with four children who had more than $100,000 in credit card debt with an annual salary of $75,000.

This is an extreme case. However, it is not uncommon for people to be caught up in the vicious cycle of paying for things on credit and being able to afford only the minimum monthly payments of these cards. I feel the credit card companies are to blame for all their gimmicks of "preapproved" junk mail, and the consumer is to blame for not being able to throw this mail away instead of signing up. Credit cards encourage people to live beyond their means, creating financial stress in families.

If people are in that situation, I encourage them to call the credit card company to close their account and cut up their cards, except one with a low interest rate or one that is due monthly. If there isn't enough cash to pay for it -- don't buy it!

Use the card for emergencies only. Even though they may have to do without the new outfit or the larger television set, consumers will be happier without the stress that credit card debt can cause. Are there support groups available for "credit junkies"? -- FREE AND CLEAR IN FLORIDA

DEAR FREE AND CLEAR: I don't know about support groups for credit junkies, but consumer credit counseling services are available in most major metropolitan areas. To locate one, look in the Yellow Pages.

According to the Administrative Office of the U.S. Courts, in 1996 a record 1.1 million individuals filed bankruptcy -- up 27 percent from the previous year.

Your "credit card cut-up" is a step in the right direction, but major creditors also want to toughen the nation's bankruptcy code to make it more difficult to simply erase debts without further payment.

DEAR ABBY: "Loving Daughter in Lakeland, Fla." wrote that her father had a college ring he never removed, but at his death she took the ring off to keep in his memory. She asked, "Did we do the right thing?" Your reply, "Yes, without a doubt."

You were wrong. My late wife never wanted her wedding ring removed. When she underwent serious surgery, she said, "Don't let them take the ring off." As death neared, she was concerned that the funeral directors might do so.

When the time came to close the coffin, I leaned down for one last kiss, placed my hand over her cold one, touched the ring and said, "You got your wish. That ring never left your finger since I put it on, years ago."

The body disintegrates after death, but gold is eternal. As long as our civilization survives, in that grave will be a circle of gold, memorializing a love that once existed.

"Loving Daughter's" father must have had a similar bond to his college. The ring should have remained with him throughout eternity. -- ALONE WITH MEMORIES

DEAR ALONE: Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your beloved wife. You were honoring your wife's wishes by seeing that she was buried with her ring. "Loving Daughter," however, had never heard her father express such a sentiment. For her to have buried the ring, rather than keeping it to cherish, would have benefited no one.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)