DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading your column, as I do every day in my local paper. I have always found you to give wise, pertinent advice. However, your advice to "Scared in Denver" is way out of line! Never would I suggest to anyone, male or female, to give permission to the other "companion" (for lack of a better word) to "sow his or her wild oats" and then feel welcome to return to that relationship for any reason.

How about if the shoe were on the other foot and the lady in this relationship asked the man if she could sow her wild oats? Personally, I'd tell this young man, "Adios, and don't let the door hit you on your way out!"

I realize that he didn't mention that any sexual activity would be included in this "sowing"; however, it might be something to think about with all the incurable diseases that are out in "the wild oat fields." Please reconsider your advice, Abby. -- MOTHER OF TWO DAUGHTERS IN LAKE PANASOFFKEE, FLA.

DEAR MOTHER: I did NOT give permission to anyone to sow his (or her) wild oats! I said, "If you are seriously considering marriage to a young man who's asking for permission to sow his wild oats, I advise you to postpone the wedding until he is completely done. That way, you won't have to pray for a crop failure."

DEAR ABBY: I was a dental hygienist for 22 years and have been a practicing dentist for three years, so I feel qualified to respond to the hygienist who was disturbed by those who failed to brush their teeth before appointments.

Our job as oral health-care providers is not to judge our patients, but rather to relate to them as individuals and educate and motivate them to achieve better oral health.

Part of the hygienist's or dentist's job is providing proper brushing and flossing instructions. When my patients apologize for not having brushed before an appointment, I respond, "Relax. You're about to get a deluxe brushing," and I proceed to demonstrate proper techniques.

The hygienist who complained is probably burned out with her job and should either re-evaluate why she is a dental hygienist or choose another career. -- MICHELLE LEPAGE, D.D.S., LEE'S SUMMIT, MO.

DEAR DR. LEPAGE: Wise advice -- from the horse's mouth. (No offense, Doctor!)

DEAR ABBY: Although this is too late for St. Valentine's Day, I offer this romantic story:

At a party, I danced with a beautiful Irish girl named Marie. I nuzzled her long black hair, and when the number was over, we discovered that my chewing gum had become stuck in her hair. We had to get scissors to cut it out.

We married a year later and have stuck together for 55 happy years. -- ALBERT BELZER, VERO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR ALBERT: My readers always enjoy a love story with a happy ending. Congratulations to you and your bride for more than half a century of happy marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column in which you advised people to be careful who they speak Spanish in front of because you never know who can understand you.

I would like to add, "Be careful speaking any foreign language because you never know who can understand it."

I have a granddaughter who was raised in Saudi Arabia. She now goes to college in South Carolina and is a food server part-time.

She was serving some people who were speaking Arabic among themselves. One person said, "The vegetables don't look fresh to me." My granddaughter said, "Oh, yes, the vegetables are fresh; I just cut them up this morning!"

Were those people ever surprised! -- IMPRESSED GRANDMA

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this letter to suggest that your readers think about giving a power of attorney to a trusted relative to be used in case of emergency. This is especially important for single adults.

The cost of having this document prepared is relatively inexpensive compared to what you will pay if someone must petition for guardianship.

I speak from experience. My father suffered a major stroke that left him totally incapacitated. Legally I could not even stop his mail without a power of attorney, let alone access his checking account to pay his bills, cancel his apartment lease or admit him to a nursing home.

I was forced to initiate guardianship proceedings that were costly, stressful and time-consuming. The cost for our simple uncontested guardianship was $3,000. -- SUSAN

DEAR SUSAN: Good advice. None of us knows when an emergency may arise when we will need the help of someone to take care of our financial affairs until such time as we can resume responsibility. NOTE: Powers of attorney are not necessarily permanent. They can be revoked any time you wish.

DEAR ABBY: As a flight attendant for a major airline for the past 16 years, I have dealt with people from all walks of life. I sincerely strive to make each passenger's flight enjoyable, and I feel compassion for those who are physically or mentally challenged, elderly, and children traveling alone.

For the past five years I have struggled with a weight problem and have been working hard to regain my self-esteem and healthy physique. My sensitive nature has been sorely challenged with comments from well-meaning individuals, due to my weight. Remarks such as, "When are you due?" "How much do you weigh?" and "How much longer do you have before you go on maternity leave?" hurt me deeply.

Abby, can you suggest an appropriate response to such comments? Regaining my self-worth has become crucial, and I must discover a way to continue my job as a flight attendant without further damage to my self-esteem. -- HURTING IN CINCINNATI

DEAR HURTING: The most appropriate response to questions about your pregnancy would be, "I'm not pregnant." People who make insulting comments about your weight are cruel, but if you appear to be pregnant when you are not, take it as a wake-up call.

I urge you to seriously consider a diet and exercise program immediately. Please, make your first order of business a call to your physician, requesting a referral to a dietitian registered with the American Dietetic Association.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are having a disagreement and hope you will settle it.

We have both been married before. For my first marriage, I wore a plain dress because we were married at the courthouse by a judge. I was told that a bride could never wear white at her wedding if she had been married before. My boyfriend says I can. What do you think? -- GETTING MARRIED SOON

DEAR GETTING MARRIED: Wear whatever makes you happy. Traditionally, first-time brides wore white. But nowadays brides wear whatever they want when they walk down the aisle. Brides have been known to marry in everything from bathing suits to fur coats -- to nothing at all!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to your column, "Abused Wife Learns What Love Isn't." Similarly, after 15 years with an abusive woman, I told her I had to leave. She left me emotionally overwrought and filled with undirected anger. With the help of counseling, I also figured out what love isn't. Ladies: If you see yourself in this -- take warning:

LOVE ISN'T ...

-- Saying, "You don't know what you're talking about" when your husband says that he doesn't feel loved.

-- Constantly badgering your husband to get a better paying job, when he makes an ample salary ($90,000 a year) and enjoys his work.

-- Continuously referring to your husband as "old man," knowing he resents it, especially when he's athletic and youthful looking for his age (48).

-- Grabbing and throwing your husband's hand down when he reaches out to touch or hold you.

-- Belittling your husband before others, even in his presence.

-- Telling your husband that no other woman would want him.

-- Blatantly seeking expensive, tangible "trappings of influence" for status' sake, to the detriment of living within means.

-- Not knowing or taking interest in what your husband does at work, realizing his work means a lot to him.

-- Consciously not being home or at the airport to welcome your husband after a long trip.

-- Reading and annoyingly chewing ice in bed until husband falls asleep, and feigning sleep until after husband leaves for work.

-- Refusing to visit husband's relatives, while demanding frequent visits to your relatives. -- THE GOODBYE HUSBAND WHO FINALLY FOUND TRUE LOVE AND CONTENTMENT IN RESTON, VA.

DEAR GOODBYE HUSBAND: What a sad description of lonely coexistence -- I hesitate to call it a marriage. Fortunately, not all women are like the first one you married. Congratulations on having found true love and contentment the second time around.

DEAR ABBY: In response to the father who wrote regarding leaving his 4- and 2-year-olds home from the family cruise: I was that 4-year-old, 24 years ago. My patents took my brother and sister to Disneyland, and I stayed behind with both sets of grandparents.

I would like to tell that father to do as you suggested: Plan special times for the kids at home -- ice cream excursions, nature walks, kids' museums, children's theaters, craft hour or going out for dinner. Make it extra-special for them, so they can tell the older ones when they return.

Being the younger child has its advantages later on in life. I was lucky to have my mom and dad to myself once the other kids left for college. I became an "only child" for a few years, and I would not have traded that quality time for anything in the world.

I hope the parents do some creative planning and go on their trip and enjoy. -- ADJUSTED IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR ADJUSTED: I'm printing your supportive letter for that father to see. There is nothing as reassuring as the voice of experience.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEANNE, my beautiful, talented firstborn. You are loved.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)