DEAR ABBY: You asked readers to tell you about random acts of kindness they have experienced. Well, here's mine. It's the story of a black woman's kindness to a 16-year-old white girl who was lost in Harlem. It was a cold and rainy night late in December of 1944.

My 15-year-old brother and I had gone to visit an elderly aunt in New York between Christmas and New Year's. My brother decided he wanted to go back to Connecticut after a couple of days, but I wanted to stay longer. I thought I knew the city and suggested that he get the train at the 125th Street station to save time. I saw him off and then unknowingly got on the wrong bus to return to my aunt's.

I knew I was in trouble when the bus turned onto either Lexington or Amsterdam Avenue. I had no money. I was the only white person left on the bus. In the back of the bus a group of musicians were tuning up (remember, it was war time and gas was rationed).

I was sitting next to a woman, and I began to cry in absolute terror. The woman asked me what was wrong. I told her I was lost and had no money. She said she'd give me the bus fare, and proceeded to tell me where to go after I got off the bus. I cried harder and told her I was afraid of her people. The woman then offered to get off the bus with me.

We walked across the street together in the cold rain, and she waited with me until a bus came. She got on the bus with me, paid my fare and told the bus driver where I was to get off. The bus driver closed the door behind her, told her that he had taken her a block and demanded that she pay another fare for herself.

I have often thought of this good woman and prayed many, many times that God has been good to her for her kindness to me. I have also tried to show kindness to all people, black or white, that I have worked with or met. I was so distraught, I don't know if I ever thanked her. Writing this letter to you, Abby, is my sincere thanks to this Good Samaritan. -- ANNA HART ZIRUK, BREWSTER, MASS.

DEAR ANNA: With a little luck, your Good Samaritan may see this letter and remember her good deed. Thank you for reminding us that you can't judge the quality of people by the color of their skin.

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Miss X" -- a male pre-op trans-sexual -- to use the women's rest room when dressed as a woman. Bad idea. It is illegal for people to use a public rest room intended for the opposite sex, regardless of how they are presenting themselves.

Speaking as a longtime crossdresser, my idea of transvestite hell would be to get arrested wearing a dress and high heels and have to spend a night locked in a cell with a group of Hell's Angels.

Abby, most women are offended by the idea of men using their rest room regardless of how the man is dressed. I easily pass as a moderately attractive woman, but I respect the fact that I am not wanted in the ladies rest room and I stay out of it.

I suggest that "Miss X" do the same until after the operation. When I am dressed up in public, I find small restaurants and convenience stores that have a single unisex bathroom or a single-stall men's room with a door that locks. -- KANSAS CITY CUTIE

DEAR CUTIE: It will please you to know that I got several complaints for my answer. Thank you for setting me straight.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the family who is having problems about whether or not to wash new clothes was amusing.

Many years ago I read a book called "The Medical Detective," from the files of the Centers for Disease Control. Among the anecdotes was the story of a woman who had gone to a damaged freight sale in central California and purchased a pair of blue jeans for her son. She sent him to school, where he became so ill he was rushed to a hospital. The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong and feared he would die.

The next day the boy recovered. When he was well enough to return to school, his mother dressed him in the same pants. At his second trip to the hospital, someone realized he was wearing the same pair of pants and tested them. The pants were loaded with a high concentration of pesticide. A container of liquid pesticide had broken and saturated a skidload of jeans.

The CDC went on a full-scale "jeans hunt." It was determined that the rest of the load had been bought by an orphanage. Luckily, their policy was washing all new clothing, so no one else got sick.

Think of the chemicals used in manufacturing clothes. I do, and I wash before I wear. -- JOHN M. SPRADLEY, GARDNERVILLE, NEV.

DEAR JOHN: Thanks for an interesting letter. I received a surprising number of letters from readers echoing your sentiments.

Read on for a real eye-catcher:

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest your letter from a gentleman in Omaha who said he always washed new clothes before he wore them. His mother had told him that nobody else does it, and he was being ridiculous. You told him it was essentially a matter of personal preference. I should like to present a different perspective:

I worked for the world's largest apparel company for 15 years. I toured many fabric and apparel manufacturing plants. I watched the fabric and finished product go through many chemical processes, including being soaked in a milky alkaline solution to soften and prepare the fabric, a dye solution to give color even to white fabric, and other chemicals. I also received numerous letters from women who wore new unwashed lingerie and pajamas, complaining that the dye from the fabric had bled and ruined their dresses or bed sheets.

I have had many plant managers say to me, "If people only saw what their clothes went through, they would never wear them without washing them first!" -- BRAD DARNALL, NASHVILLE, TENN.

DEAR BRAD: Thanks for the informative input.

DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed from "Patience, Consistency and Praise in Minneapolis" brought tears to my eyes. As a schoolteacher who has given up on more than a handful of teaching assignments because he couldn't be mean to kids, I pray that every school administrator, policy maker and teacher read that column.

Children are only the innocent mirror of the environment they grow up in; if they come to school with a mean, jaded attitude it's because they learned it from all the adults in their lives. They get enough strict meanness at home without getting it at school, too.

I wish I could find a school anywhere where disciplining children with love is the order of the day. If I could, I'd be packing in a moment to teach there. If every school were to implement a love-based discipline policy, not only would test scores rise, but also eventually we would see a decline in drug abuse, delinquency, drop-outs, crime and unemployment in society. -- R.L.K., SILVER LAKE, CALIF.

DEAR R.L.K.: I have always maintained that if children are raised with love, they will respond to others with love.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Lost in the Desert," the elderly woman who had been taken to the cleaners by slick telemarketers and was afraid to tell her husband, I was saddened. I would like to offer her, and others like her, some hope.

I recently attended the National Association of Attorneys General (NAAG) Winter Meeting, which had as one of its themes, "Educating Elder Consumers About the Dangers of Telemarketing Fraud: Don't Fall for a Telephone Line."

Attorneys general throughout the country are aware of the problem and have worked together to convict fraudulent telemarketers. NAAG was one of the moving forces behind the recent passage of a federal law that allows states to prosecute telemarketers who call across state lines.

The New Mexico attorney general's office, like many other state's attorneys' offices, has a Consumer Protection Division that can use the force of the law to recover the money gained through deceptive telemarketing scams. Our own office, in a state with a population of about 1.5 million, has recovered hundreds of thousands of dollars for victims of telemarketing scams.

People who have been taken advantage of by telemarketers should contact their state attorney general's office to find out where they can go for recourse. I would also like to encourage them to remember that it's never too late to be a savvy consumer. -- TOM UDALL, ATTORNEY GENERAL, STATE OF NEW MEXICO

DEAR MR. ATTORNEY GENERAL: Thank you for some very useful information. I'm sure it will be of interest to many readers to know that they have recourse if they have been taken advantage of by unscrupulous telemarketers.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Needing More in Minneapolis," who wrote concerning a new man in her life who apparently has all the qualities she desires except that he is a "lousy lover."

I would like to know the definition of a lousy lover. Does it involve physical attributes, technique, holding and caressing, or other things perhaps better left unmentioned in polite circles? I realize that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, but does the definition of a lousy lover lie in the mind of the recipient? Most women I ask about this subject politely avoid answering the question, but I'm sure it is a frequent topic of conversation during "girl talk."

Abby, please ask your female readers to respond to this subject. Perhaps their responses can be reduced to a definition of what a lousy (or great) lover really is. I'm sure that many men who read your column will benefit from their responses. -- EDWARD G. GRIER JR., SAN DIEGO

DEAR MR. GRIER: I can't speak for my female readers, but my definition of a lousy lover (male or female) would be one who is hurried, selfish and inconsiderate. Readers?

DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed your recent column from "No Name or Town, Please" concerning his talkative wife and her friend.

It reminded me of the story about a man who had not spoken to his wife in 12 years. Finally, a friend asked him why.

He replied, "Because I hate to interrupt people." -- DICK QUINN IN LA JOLLA, CALIF.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)