DEAR ABBY: The letter from the family who is having problems about whether or not to wash new clothes was amusing.

Many years ago I read a book called "The Medical Detective," from the files of the Centers for Disease Control. Among the anecdotes was the story of a woman who had gone to a damaged freight sale in central California and purchased a pair of blue jeans for her son. She sent him to school, where he became so ill he was rushed to a hospital. The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong and feared he would die.

The next day the boy recovered. When he was well enough to return to school, his mother dressed him in the same pants. At his second trip to the hospital, someone realized he was wearing the same pair of pants and tested them. The pants were loaded with a high concentration of pesticide. A container of liquid pesticide had broken and saturated a skidload of jeans.

The CDC went on a full-scale "jeans hunt." It was determined that the rest of the load had been bought by an orphanage. Luckily, their policy was washing all new clothing, so no one else got sick.

Think of the chemicals used in manufacturing clothes. I do, and I wash before I wear. -- JOHN M. SPRADLEY, GARDNERVILLE, NEV.

DEAR JOHN: Thanks for an interesting letter. I received a surprising number of letters from readers echoing your sentiments.

Read on for a real eye-catcher:

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest your letter from a gentleman in Omaha who said he always washed new clothes before he wore them. His mother had told him that nobody else does it, and he was being ridiculous. You told him it was essentially a matter of personal preference. I should like to present a different perspective:

I worked for the world's largest apparel company for 15 years. I toured many fabric and apparel manufacturing plants. I watched the fabric and finished product go through many chemical processes, including being soaked in a milky alkaline solution to soften and prepare the fabric, a dye solution to give color even to white fabric, and other chemicals. I also received numerous letters from women who wore new unwashed lingerie and pajamas, complaining that the dye from the fabric had bled and ruined their dresses or bed sheets.

I have had many plant managers say to me, "If people only saw what their clothes went through, they would never wear them without washing them first!" -- BRAD DARNALL, NASHVILLE, TENN.

DEAR BRAD: Thanks for the informative input.

DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed from "Patience, Consistency and Praise in Minneapolis" brought tears to my eyes. As a schoolteacher who has given up on more than a handful of teaching assignments because he couldn't be mean to kids, I pray that every school administrator, policy maker and teacher read that column.

Children are only the innocent mirror of the environment they grow up in; if they come to school with a mean, jaded attitude it's because they learned it from all the adults in their lives. They get enough strict meanness at home without getting it at school, too.

I wish I could find a school anywhere where disciplining children with love is the order of the day. If I could, I'd be packing in a moment to teach there. If every school were to implement a love-based discipline policy, not only would test scores rise, but also eventually we would see a decline in drug abuse, delinquency, drop-outs, crime and unemployment in society. -- R.L.K., SILVER LAKE, CALIF.

DEAR R.L.K.: I have always maintained that if children are raised with love, they will respond to others with love.

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DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Lost in the Desert," the elderly woman who had been taken to the cleaners by slick telemarketers and was afraid to tell her husband, I was saddened. I would like to offer her, and others like her, some hope.

I recently attended the National Association of Attorneys General (NAAG) Winter Meeting, which had as one of its themes, "Educating Elder Consumers About the Dangers of Telemarketing Fraud: Don't Fall for a Telephone Line."

Attorneys general throughout the country are aware of the problem and have worked together to convict fraudulent telemarketers. NAAG was one of the moving forces behind the recent passage of a federal law that allows states to prosecute telemarketers who call across state lines.

The New Mexico attorney general's office, like many other state's attorneys' offices, has a Consumer Protection Division that can use the force of the law to recover the money gained through deceptive telemarketing scams. Our own office, in a state with a population of about 1.5 million, has recovered hundreds of thousands of dollars for victims of telemarketing scams.

People who have been taken advantage of by telemarketers should contact their state attorney general's office to find out where they can go for recourse. I would also like to encourage them to remember that it's never too late to be a savvy consumer. -- TOM UDALL, ATTORNEY GENERAL, STATE OF NEW MEXICO

DEAR MR. ATTORNEY GENERAL: Thank you for some very useful information. I'm sure it will be of interest to many readers to know that they have recourse if they have been taken advantage of by unscrupulous telemarketers.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Needing More in Minneapolis," who wrote concerning a new man in her life who apparently has all the qualities she desires except that he is a "lousy lover."

I would like to know the definition of a lousy lover. Does it involve physical attributes, technique, holding and caressing, or other things perhaps better left unmentioned in polite circles? I realize that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, but does the definition of a lousy lover lie in the mind of the recipient? Most women I ask about this subject politely avoid answering the question, but I'm sure it is a frequent topic of conversation during "girl talk."

Abby, please ask your female readers to respond to this subject. Perhaps their responses can be reduced to a definition of what a lousy (or great) lover really is. I'm sure that many men who read your column will benefit from their responses. -- EDWARD G. GRIER JR., SAN DIEGO

DEAR MR. GRIER: I can't speak for my female readers, but my definition of a lousy lover (male or female) would be one who is hurried, selfish and inconsiderate. Readers?

DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed your recent column from "No Name or Town, Please" concerning his talkative wife and her friend.

It reminded me of the story about a man who had not spoken to his wife in 12 years. Finally, a friend asked him why.

He replied, "Because I hate to interrupt people." -- DICK QUINN IN LA JOLLA, CALIF.

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DEAR ABBY: I was appalled when I saw in your column that you had trotted out an outdated, sexist, factually inaccurate and socially dangerous quote: "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

Surely you are aware of the research which now establishes that fathers have unique and important contributions to make to the healthy development of their children. Fathers (not race, not income and not mothers) are the key ingredient in reducing youth violence (crime and gangs), drug abuse, promiscuity, eating disorders and suicides. Fathers have a greater effect than mothers in producing empathy, a sense of humor, academic achievement and more.

My son's mother has assaulted me, harassed me, stalked me, vandalized my property, stolen from me, made false allegations against me and more. I don't love her. But I do something far more important. During most of my son's waking moments since he was 8 months old, the hands he has seen holding him and helping him, the voice he has heard teaching him and loving him, the face he has seen smiling at him and encouraging him have been mine!

My son's mother is not insane and not that rare. She has simply been encouraged by the media to blame a man for everything that makes her unhappy and to think of fathers as second-class parents. You can sign me ... FIRST-CLASS PARENT

DEAR PARENT: Considering the fact that your ex-wife suffers from the emotional instability (not insanity) which you have described, you son is indeed fortunate to have such a committed father. However, there are far more absent fathers in single-parent families than mothers.

DEAR ABBY: Hugo Borreson wrote: "Martin Luther King had to go to India to learn the principles of non-violence because they were neither understood nor practiced in the United States."

Abby, Dr. King did not have to go to India to learn the principles of non-violence!

In his book "Stride Toward Freedom" (New York, Harper and Brothers, 1958), he wrote: "... One Sunday afternoon, I traveled to Philadelphia to hear a sermon by Dr. Mordecai Johnson, president of Howard University. He was there to preach for the Fellowship House of Philadelphia.

"Dr. Johnson had just returned from a trip to India, and, to my great interest, he spoke of the life and teachings of Mahatma Gandhi.

"His message was so profound and electrifying that I left the meeting and bought a half-dozen books on Gandhi's life and works ..."

I just wanted to set the record straight, Abby. -- ARTHUR H. PRINCE, PH.D., MEMPHIS

DEAR DR. PRINCE: I am (as always) profoundly grateful for your consistently accurate corrections and additions to my column since its inception. However, I, too, want to keep the record straight. According to "A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Teachings of Martin Luther King Jr." (edited by James M. Washington), Dr. King and his wife did travel to India in 1960 or 1961, and he made reference to the trip in a speech within months of his return.

DEAR ABBY: I have a very dear, older friend who has one bad habit. No matter what the situation, she always asks me the price of everything I buy. She demands to know the cost of any improvements I make to my home.

It seems she puts a price tag on everything.

A member of her family is quite wealthy, and she never hesitates to tell everyone what they spend on everything. I don't have a lot of money and what I do with it, I think, is my personal business. I have tried the old retort, "Why would you be interested?" but it doesn't seem to work. I don't want to be rude, but can you give me a good comeback that might squelch this nasty habit? -- MIFFED IN MECHANICSVILLE, VA.

DEAR MIFFED: What's wrong with this direct response: "That's a very personal question that I prefer not to answer." Smile when you say it, and if you repeat it often enough, let's hope she'll get the message and quit asking.

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