DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your harsh condemnation of "Disapproving Mother," who refused to celebrate her daughter's engagement because the daughter is living with her fiance.
I realize that it is difficult to address all considerations in the space of your column, but I wonder if you feel, as it appears, that the mother owes the daughter an elaborate wedding? If this girl is able to live on her own with her fiance, why should the mother be expected to pay for a wedding? The young couple is clearly able to attend to their needs, so why is it they can't take care of their own wedding?
I don't condemn this couple. If I knew them I would be happy to wish them well. However, I also wish the mother well, as she has been willing to stand up for her values in a world where there are few people willing to do so. -- THERESE D. BARRY, BEECH MOUNTAIN, N.C.
DEAR THERESE: Nowhere in her letter did the mother indicate that she had been asked to pay for the wedding or shower, nor did I tell her to do so. Paying the expenses of a wedding should be considered a gift, and not an obligation by the bride's parents.
I told the woman that her angry, punitive stance would isolate her from her daughter, her future son-in-law and grandchildren -- and she had everything to lose and nothing to gain.