DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 14 years. Every time my husband and I attend a social function, he leaves me for sometimes hours while he flirts with other women. This flirting includes touching and hugging, and he doesn't seem to care whether I (or their husbands or boyfriends) see what's going on.

He also never introduces me to anyone -- even if I am standing right next to him. I wait for him to introduce me, and when he doesn't, I introduce myself.

Abby, I have told him several times how hurt I am, but he continues this behavior and never apologizes to me. I don't understand why he acts this way, knowing how hurt and embarrassed I am. Others have noticed this and mentioned it to me. I try to laugh it off, but it is affecting our marriage. How can I have romantic feelings for a man who treats me this way? He expects me to jump into bed with him after he has ignored me and flirted with every woman in the place.

Please let me know what you think. I am ... OUT OF IDEAS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR OUT OF IDEAS: You already know that you are married to an insensitive, selfish man who has little regard for your feelings. You do not indicate that you have children, so I assume that you have none -- which baffles me as to why you've tolerated this kind of behavior your entire married life.

I urge you to seek joint marriage counseling. And if he is unwilling to go -- go without him.

DEAR ABBY: I found this little poem about volunteering in The Bulletin of the Athens County (Ohio) Historical Society and Museum. I thought you may want to share it with your readers. I think it is wonderful. The author is unknown. -- BOB BIGLEY, CINCINNATI

DEAR MR. BIGLEY: I think it's wonderful, too -- and well worth sharing with my readers.

VOLUNTEERS

Many will be shocked to find,

When the day of judgment nears,

That there's a special place in Heaven

Set aside for volunteers.

Furnished with big recliners,

Satin couches and footstools,

Where there are no committee chairmen,

No yard sales or rest area coffee to serve,

No library duty or bulletin assembly,

There will be nothing to print and staple,

Not one thing to fold and mail,

Telephone lists will be outlawed.

But a finger snap will bring

Cool drinks and gourmet dinners

And rare treats fit for a king.

You ask, "Who'll serve these privileged few

And work for all they're worth?"

Why, all those who reaped the benefits,

And not once volunteered on Earth.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You asked for acts of kindness. Well, here is mine:

In June of last year, my husband and I went to Germany and Austria on vacation. While we were in Austria, my husband stumbled and fell, breaking his hip, which required hospitalization and surgery. I remained by his side in the recovery room until I was asked to leave at 1 a.m. I have never felt so alone.

The next morning, the bad luck continued. In my haste to get back to the hospital, I accidentally locked our hotel room key and the car keys in the trunk of our rented car. When I finally located a locksmith, he charged $103 to unlock the trunk because it was on a Saturday.

My husband spent the next two weeks in the hospital in Salzburg, recovering enough to withstand the 14-hour flight back to our home.

When my husband was finally discharged, the hospital demanded payment in cash, as did the ambulance company. The airline also insisted on cash to pay for the upgrade in seats necessary to make my husband comfortable on our flight home. We had prepaid for our vacation and didn't have a great deal of cash with us, so I had to go from bank to bank to get cash advances from our credit cards. It was difficult because on one day the computer would process the transaction, but the next day for some reason, it wouldn't -- "trouble on the phone lines," we were told. The language barrier made things doubly difficult.

It was in Frankfurt, Germany, however, where the real trouble occurred. My husband, who was in a wheelchair, had to wait for me around the corner down a long hallway while I tried in vain to pay for the upgrade with our credit cards. I argued, pleaded and begged to see an airline representative or someone from the American Embassy, but the ticket agent wouldn't budge. I feared we were stranded.

As luck would have it, a gentleman standing in the next line turned and asked me what the trouble was.

I told him how we couldn't get home after all the difficulty we'd been through. He opened his wallet, then handed me 50 $100 bills! My mouth hung open in total shock. He took my name and address, gave me his business card, and went on his way.

Out of possibly 6 billion people on this planet, what were my chances of a Good Samaritan with that much cash standing next to me offering that kind of help? I believe the stranger was an angel in disguise.

I want to thank him publicly. His name is Charan Kumar. Your readers might like to know that there are still some very kind and generous people in this world. -- JUDY PRINCE, FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR JUDY PRINCE: Your letter is a dandy day-brightener. Thanks for a valuable addition to this column!

DEAR ABBY: I have been thinking about writing to you for a long time to share a memory about my mother, who lived to be 93 years old.

She spent the last seven years of her life with my husband and me. Every morning we had breakfast together and read the newspaper. Our favorite column was "Dear Abby."

One morning I glanced up and saw a small curl of smoke rising from the section of the newspaper she was reading. I thought, "Abby must have a hot article in her column today!"

The source of the smoke soon became apparent. Mother's eyesight was poor, and she was using a magnifying glass to read. The sun was shining through the window and the angle was just right for the rays to pass through the magnifying glass onto the paper. She was so engrossed in your column that at first she didn't notice the heat was burning a hole in the newspaper!

Needless to say, I corrected the problem immediately. -- MAY FREISINGER, MISSION VIEJO, CALIF.

DEAR MAY: I've taken a lot of heat for some of the letters I've printed, but nothing like what you've described. Thanks for sharing the memory.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My parents have invited my wife and me and my two sisters and their families on a 12-day cruise at their expense. They have never made such a trip before, and my father's declining health may make traveling impossible in the future. Both my wife and I get along with my parents very well. We see them once or twice a year.

Our problem: They have invited only grandchildren who are more than 6 years of age. There are many reasons: Small children would make the trip less relaxing for everyone; there are a variety of programs for children aged 6 and older, but not younger; the cabins accommodate only groups of four; and younger children wouldn't remember the trip anyway.

My wife and I would be taking two of our children and leaving two -- ages 2 and 4 -- at home. One of my sisters would be leaving two of her four children at home, and my other sister would be leaving both of hers. We have a very reliable friend who has taken care of all of our children when my wife and I have gone away together (for as long as six days), so that's not the issue.

I see this as a wonderful opportunity. Our older children would have the time of their lives, and while I'd miss the younger ones, I also know they would be just fine. My wife, however, feels it would be difficult for the 4-year-old. Although neither of us feels he would suffer permanent emotional scars, my wife says she wouldn't enjoy the trip if she had to worry about him. She feels put on the spot by my parents by being forced either to be the party pooper or to do something she feels uncomfortable about.

She says it would be much easier on the 4-year-old if we took none of the children, but I would love to share this experience with the older ones. She has offered to stay home while I take the older two, but I like that idea even less.

The issue has been tabled for the last three months, but our positions have not changed. I'm unwilling to concede that the trip, as planned, needs to be scrapped. She's unwilling to concede that it would be no big deal to leave the two younger children at home.

How should this be resolved? -- ONE FAMILY'S FORTUNE

DEAR FORTUNE: Since your father's health is such that this might be the only time a special family reunion is possible, I would hate to see you scrap the trip. Events like this add to the richness of family lore, from which all family members will benefit. Children understand that there are special privileges that come with being older, just as there are special privileges given to younger ones. The younger children's stay at home can be made special with some creative planning -- and the baby sitter could take them on daily outings.

There is much to be gained by taking the trip the way your parents offered it. I hope your wife reconsiders her position. If she doesn't, you and she must decide who gets left standing at the dock -- your two older children, or your mate.

DEAR ABBY: For the last year I have been reading your column and I am now a faithful fan. Something has really been troubling me.

A few days ago, I was in a church hall when a woman carrying a baby came in and sat down next to me on the bench. I must add that the baby was a beautiful one.

I could not tell whether the baby was a boy or a girl, and I could not think of a polite way of asking the mother. What would have been a polite way of finding out? -- AMBER IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR AMBER: You could have said, "My, what a beautiful baby. What did you name this adorable child?"

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)