DEAR ABBY: I've never written before, but I'm sure you'll receive a lot of mail about the letter you printed from "Young Mother in Pennsylvania." She wrote, "I know Claire better than anyone else, so shouldn't I know the best way to be a parent to her?" Your answer was, "Yes, stick to your convictions."

I believe you overlooked a few things when you gave that answer. First of all, she's married at 19, they're living with her parents until they can get on their feet, and they have a 9-month-old child. It appears they entered the marriage without considering the costs of living together as a married couple, and to complicate matters, they had a child within the first year. (I'm not even considering the possibility of conception before marriage.)

However you look at it, this constitutes lack of wisdom.

She also said that although both of their parents "did a good job in raising them," now she suddenly feels she knows more than they do because she "knows her child." Abby, loving her child and being with her doesn't equate with wisdom in raising a child.

The problem appears to lie in her statement, "... what seems like advice to them sounds like criticism to me." Her viewpoint needs a little readjustment!

Granted, not all of their suggestions may be the best, but that doesn't mean she should throw the combined total of 40 years' experience out the window. She should sift through it and apply what appears reasonable. She should also be grateful for their advice and realize that they want what's best for both her and the grandchild because they love them. Viewing it from that perspective will help her gain wisdom and cope with the situation until they can move out on their own. -- SECOND OPINION FROM MINNESOTA

DEAR SECOND OPINION: You're right on all counts. I received considerable criticism for taking the side of the 19-year-old mother who wanted to tune out her parents' and in-laws' advice on child-rearing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I saw the letter from the "Young Mother in Pennsylvania" who was receiving unwanted advice on how to raise her baby daughter, I felt compelled to write.

My mother taught me a magic phrase many years ago to help me deal with a relative who also gave a lot of unsolicited advice.

The phrase is: "It's something to think about." It gives the person giving the advice the feeling that you value his or her opinion. And it allows the listener to graciously take heed -- or let it go in one ear and out the other.

I wish the young mother much luck. -- EDIE CHERNACK, VERNON, CONN.

DEAR EDIE: Your tactful mother gave you excellent advice.

DEAR ABBY: When I became engaged, my future mother-in-law gave me a lovely diamond ring that had been in her family for three generations. I was thrilled and have cherished it. I know that it is worth several thousand dollars.

I am now divorced, and she has asked me to please return the ring. I love her very much and couldn't refuse her or fight over it, but that ring means a lot to me. I would have had the stone reset or, perhaps, passed it down to my children.

What is the right thing to do? -- DOUBLY BROKENHEARTED

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Since your former mother-in-law has asked you to return this family keepsake that has been in the family for three generations, the "right" thing to do would be to return it.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please advise all parents to take time RIGHT NOW to show their children how to place a collect call from a pay phone.

Our 9-year-old son attended his school basketball game and was to have been brought home by his coach. Well, the coach forgot him. So our son thought the best way to handle the situation was to start walking!

We were alarmed when he did not show up at the expected time and went looking for him, but somehow we missed him. Fortunately, he knew his way home and arrived safely, but not until 9:30 p.m. Had he known how to make a collect call, we could have been saved a lot of grief.

From now on, our children will always have money for a phone call, and they now know how to dial collect.

Also, if you have volunteered to be responsible for any child, be sure to uphold your end of the bargain and see that the child gets home safely. -- RELIEVED PARENTS, LA HABRA, CALIF.

DEAR RELIEVED PARENTS: Thank you for a valuable letter. When children are involved, it's a good idea to have an alternate "game plan" for every situation. No child should walk alone after dark. In most (but not all) cities, simply dialing "0" for operator from a pay phone will put the child in touch with assistance. Parents: Find out what's required to dial a collect local call and teach your children today.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's husband had two children with his first wife, and then had a vasectomy. Now he and my daughter want to have a family of their own. He has tried three times to have the vasectomy reversed, without success. In vitro fertilization costs more than they can afford.

They are considering using sperm from her husband's brother to impregnate my daughter. The brother's wife has agreed. Have you ever heard of this arrangement? Has it worked successfully? -- WONDERING FAMILY

DEAR WONDERING FAMILY: I have heard of this arrangement and others similar to it. It is important for all concerned to remember that the commitments required from everyone are lifelong.

If your daughter and son-in-law have not already done so, they would be wise to consult a fertility expert about their alternatives. A counselor who is familiar with infertility and family dynamics could also be helpful, as well as an attorney with expertise in family law.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a public library, and a patron has a question about whether she should receive a thank-you note for a hostess gift she took to a young couple's house. The expensive box of candy was put out by the young couple, but most was saved for later.

The patron said she wrote a note the next day, thanking them for the evening. Should she expect a note of thanks for the candy? -- S.H. IN FLORIDA

DEAR S.H.: A hostess gift is usually a token of gratitude for the effort made to entertain the guest. I see no reason why the guest should expect a thank-you note for her thank-you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to add to your collection of random acts of kindness with the story of something that happened to me about 53 years ago:

In June of 1943, I graduated from high school and, along with most of my classmates, immediately joined the military service. After receiving basic training at Camp Grant, Ill., I was sent to Camp Stoneman, Calif., for deployment to the Pacific theater of operations.

We had little to do for the following seven weeks as we waited for a ship to transport us, so we took advantage of the liberal pass policy and spent our weekends in San Francisco, about 50 miles away. It was virtually impossible to find a hotel room in the city. Even the chairs, couches and every inch of floor were occupied by a human body in uniform. If all else failed, we'd buy a ticket to any movie, sit in the third balcony, and sleep until the management ejected us in the early morning.

One night my buddy, a high school classmate from back home, got the bright idea to try a hotel in Oakland across the bay. We found a very classy residential hotel where the lobby was absolutely empty except for the night clerk, and hesitantly asked if we might rest a while in the lobby. He granted us permission and we instantly drifted off to sleep.

About 7 a.m. I awoke and found myself gazing into the smiling face of a sweet motherly lady, who had apparently placed my head in her lap. Sitting up, I apologized, and noticed that she was accompanied by another lady of similar age. My buddy had been awake for some time, but they had not permitted him to disturb me.

We were given the key to their apartment and informed that we would find soap, towels, a razor, shaving cream and a comb in their bathroom, and that we should go "freshen up." When we returned to the lobby, they presented us with a bag of sandwiches and wished us Godspeed.

You can understand why I have never forgotten those two wonderful ladies. If only I had gotten their names and addresses. If only ... -- WILLIAM J. MYERS JR., CARLISLE, PA.

DEAR MR. MYERS: What a delightful story, and beautifully told. The degree of patriotism, generosity and commitment to the war effort during World War II remains unequaled. However, I am reminded of it every year at Christmastime during Operation Dear Abby. Last year's effort on the part of Americans of every age brought FIVE TONS of mail to our servicemen and women overseas.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man of 65 years -- almost 66.

In November 1994, I went into a local supermarket. There was an organ in the store for the holiday season and featured a drawing for music lessons. I observed an attractive lady filling out a slip for the drawing, and being a friendly person, I walked over to her and started a conversation. On learning that she was a widow (I was a widower), I said, "You probably have a boyfriend." She replied, "No, I don't." I asked for her name and telephone number and she gave them to me.

That night I called and invited her to dinner.

To make a long story short, I fell in love with her and we were married the next June. We're still in love and still on our honeymoon. I never tire of telling people how lovely she is and how much I love her. -- ROBERT ROSS, LARGO, FLA.

DEAR ROBERT: Lucky you -- and lucky Mrs. Ross. It's always inspiring to hear a love story, especially one that blossoms in the autumn of one's life. May you and your bride have many wonderful years together.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)