DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about a recent letter signed "No Justice Served in California." I am a police lieutenant who has been involved in the investigation of child molesters for the past 10 years, and I want you and your readers to know the following about child molesters:

Research, literature in the field and my personal experience have shown that child molesters usually commit many sex crimes involving many victims. Unlike other crimes, delayed disclosure of sexual abuse is the rule -- not the exception. It is common for victims to wait weeks, months or even years before disclosing their abuse. Many states provide for this in their laws that cover statutes of limitations (how long after the crime is committed the offender can be prosecuted).

In Texas, offenders can usually be prosecuted for child sexual abuse for a period of 10 years after the crime is committed, unless they leave the state during that 10-year period. In that instance, the time the offender is absent from the state does not count against the 10-year limit. A few years ago, I was involved in the successful prosecution of a father who molested his daughter when she was a teen-ager. She was married and a law student when she finally disclosed the abuse, 12 years after it happened.

Please tell victims of sexual abuse that it is never too late to tell. The criminal justice system must make every attempt to bring these offenders to justice, no matter how much time has passed. -- LT. BILL WALSH, DALLAS POLICE DEPARTMENT

DEAR LT. WALSH: Thank you for an important letter. All too often victims of sexual abuse are reluctant to speak up because they are frightened or blame themselves for what happened. They are unable to acknowledge that an adult would willfully hurt them, and assume the responsibility for their abuse, which leaves them afraid, ashamed and psychologically isolated. Disclosing the abuse and identifying the perpetrator can be a critical step in the healing process of the victim.

DEAR ABBY: I am a person with a handicap and have recently noticed a trend in theaters that pleases me. Two seats are provided in the back of the theater so that people in wheelchairs and their loved one or friend can attend the movies and sit together.

Unfortunately, sometimes these seats are occupied by able-bodied people. When I have asked someone to give up the seat so my wife and I could sit together, I was refused. This has probably happened to other people, too.

Abby, please advise your readers that these seats are meant to accommodate people in wheelchairs, and able-bodied people should not occupy them. And while you're at it, please thank those theater owners who thoughtfully provide seating for people with disabilities. -- MIKE A. BURK, TERRE HAUTE, IND.

DEAR MIKE: If the seats are clearly marked so that patrons know the purpose of the short row, able-bodied people should sit elsewhere. If the area is not marked, speak with the theater manager about marking them as "Reserved for people with disabilities."

Should you have trouble with a patron refusing to move, talk to the usher.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing because I am very disturbed by the lack of morals in our young people today.

Our daughter just became engaged after more than two years of living with her male friend. They didn't have the respect to care what we thought, and they knew how we felt because they were told that we will not visit them where they live. (We do see them at our home.)

They expected us to be delighted over their engagement. I felt it was time they were married, not engaged to live together for yet another year.

I was also surprised that her live-in boyfriend came to us to ask for permission to marry our daughter. (When they are breaking all the old traditions, why believe in this one?)

Needless to say, we were not very receptive, and said neither "yes" nor "no." After all, a few years of living together will not prove that their marriage will last.

I am also upset because our fine "strict" Catholic church doesn't address this subject from the pulpit.

I'd like to add that because of the live-in situation, I will neither have nor will I attend any bridal showers. Nor will I pay for the wedding. I would like to hear your opinion. I'm upset that things are this way and can't really enjoy my only daughter's wedding. -- DISAPPROVING MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Since you asked for my opinion, here it is: Obviously, you are hurting or you wouldn't have written to unburden yourself. Taking this rigid, insensitive, punitive stand will only increase your pain and reinforce your isolation from your daughter and future son-in-law.

You have nothing to gain and everything to lose, including contact with any future grandchildren, if you refuse to accept the young couple's decisions.

If it's not too late, please reverse your harsh decision, apologize to your daughter and her fiance, and enjoy the wedding.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about the letter from "Cannot Believe It in Florida," whose family spent more than $500 to entertain 12 wedding guests who collectively gave one inexpensive gift.

The next time she hosts a wedding, instead of seating guests in sections for "bride" and "groom," she should ask if they have given "expensive" or "inexpensive" gifts so she can seat them accordingly. Guests who brought a gift of value equal to the cost of their "admission" can enjoy the sumptuous meal and unlimited beverages, while those whose gifts do not measure up can line up for warm water and stale bread.

"Cannot Believe It" tried to show she has class and taste by describing the lovely wedding at an exclusive club, sparing no expense. But by writing and complaining to you about the unacceptable gift, she showed quite the opposite. -- CANNOT BELIEVE HER IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CANNOT BELIEVE HER: I cautioned "Cannot Believe It" against approaching the guests about their gift. I hope she heeded my advice.

DEAR ABBY: I know that this is going to sound like a silly question, but I really need to know: Is the word "harassment" pronounced "huh-RASS-ment" or "HAIR-us-ment"? Even on the news they pronounce it differently. -- BAKERSFIELD, CALIF.

DEAR BAKERSFIELD: Although Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (Tenth Edition) lists two pronunciations for the verb "harass," the first (and preferred) pronunciation is with the emphasis on the RASS. Presumably the same holds true for the noun "harassment."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to the woman whose husband had recently confessed to an affair. She signed herself, "I Love Him With All My Heart." She said she didn't know of any marriages that had survived an affair -- and I want to assure her that there are many that have.

My husband and I had been married only four months when he got re-involved with a woman he had an affair with during his first marriage. When my husband broke it off, she got so upset she told her husband, and it was mayhem after that!

I told my husband that the affair had not changed my love for him, but it HAD deeply wounded me and affected my trust in him. I was willing to stay and work it out only if he was willing to go to counseling with me and work to earn my trust. He was more than willing, and we found a wonderful counselor who helped us achieve our goal -- to heal and strengthen our relationship.

"I Love Him" expressed concern that her husband would grow tired of her pain. She's correct in that she does need someone else to confide in. Her pain is a very heavy load for her husband to carry alone, and the pitfall in confiding in friends is that they are usually not as objective as a counselor would be.

If I may offer a bit of advice, as part of a couple who has successfully navigated this trauma: Find a good counselor with whom you both feel comfortable, be honest with the counselor and each other, and be patient with yourself and your husband.

Also, if you have children, don't take for granted that you can shield them from your pain and stress. Make sure that they, too, have a counselor they can talk to. -- STRONGER BECAUSE OF IT IN ATLANTA

DEAR STRONGER: That's excellent advice from someone who's walked a mile in her moccasins. Your maturity and perseverance in your marriage are to be admired. And so is your generosity in speaking out about such a personal matter.

DEAR ABBY: I am so happy that I asked you to help me find my deceased wife's relatives so that I could give them her family album. Because of your column, I was able to locate a man named Hemenover who was raised together with my wife by Mrs. A. Hemenover of 1300 San Pablo Ave. in Oakland. So I have dispatched the album to him. He is 80 years old. I hope he can identify some of the people in the pictures. I also came up with two great-grandchildren, and some valuable information about my wife's background, too. (She had told me almost nothing about her family.)

Abby, the C.I.A. should put you under contract!

The response of your readers was swift, gracious and sincere. From coast to coast, they sent information and offered their help and encouragement.

I have talked to several of the Hemenovers. Abby, you have fired up a great new interest in their family background -- an amazing feat, and all in less than one month!

An observation: When my daughter suggested I contact you, she said, "Some people read sports, editorials, finance and funnies, but EVERYBODY reads Dear Abby." She was correct. So thank you very much for being there and bringing my search to a successful conclusion. -- GAYEL CHEW, MEDFORD, ORE.

DEAR MR. CHEW: I have often said that my readers are the most generous and caring people in the world -- and your letter illustrates that I wasn't exaggerating. I'm pleased that your problem was so quickly and happily resolved. Thank you for a dandy day-brightener.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)