DEAR ABBY: I have recently married a wonderful woman whom I consider the girl of my dreams, and I don't want to spoil what we have together.

My problem is an old girlfriend from my college days. Throughout the years, we have remained in contact, mostly because of her persistence. I've wanted to cut the string with this woman for years, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings and saw no harm in maintaining a long-distance friendship, although her dependency on me and her references to me as her "soul mate" have concerned me.

I was relieved when she finally married, but after her marriage came letters and phone calls, complaining about her husband and asking me for advice. She has told me intimate details about him, and frankly, I don't want to share this kind of information about her with my wife. She treats my wife with disregard, sending letters addressed only to me. Her only references to my marriage are the ones that blame it for the lack of communication between us.

Although I once had affection for her, I no longer want this woman in my life, but this decision makes me feel like a heel. Abby, is a man a heel for wanting to put to rest an old relationship?

Have you any suggestions for ending this friendship once and for all? Ignoring her phone messages and letters hasn't seemed to work, and my wife's patience is wearing thin. -- WEARY IN THE WEST

DEAR WEARY: I suggest you TELL this woman that you no longer want to have any communication with her. Then, if her letters and phone calls persist, ask your attorney to explain to her what the word "harassment" means.

DEAR ABBY: Last summer, I was touched by a simple act of kindness from a stranger in a park.

I had gone to New York from California to visit my boyfriend, but by the third day, it was obvious that he didn't want me there.

Overwhelmed with pain and disappointment, I left his apartment and walked down the Manhattan streets, ending up in a park. I sat down and began to cry, thinking to myself, "Everyone says that people in New York don't care, and no one will notice me."

A few moments later, an elderly gentleman walked over and introduced himself. He said he had been sitting across from me, and asked what could be making me so sad. Through my tears, I poured out my heartbreak -- I told him everything. He listened for a long time and then he spoke. "You are a beautiful woman. Your boyfriend doesn't realize what he has. Anyone who would treat you that way isn't worth your time." Then he gave me a hug -- a long, wonderful hug.

This caring, genuine man was like a guardian angel. He gave me the strength to walk back with my head held high, talk to my boyfriend, and feel strong enough to leave the next day.

I will never forget the man in the park. Sometimes perfect strangers show more kindness than one ever expects. -- B.J. IN CALIFORNIA

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Driven to Distraction," whose longtime boyfriend was a television nut, I had to write. Believe me, I know how she feels. I was married twice, and both of my husbands were addicted to television. Both tuned me out for that busy box.

My first husband didn't even care what was on. He just needed the picture and the noise. He said they helped him "unwind."

My second husband bought the largest set he could find and turned the volume up as loud as it would go. A bomb could have gone off in the room and it wouldn't have distracted him.

Once, I even stood next to the TV stark naked. He gave me a quick glance, then turned his head and went back to watching TV.

Please tell "Driven to Distraction" she had better think long and hard before she marries a man who is already married to television.

Please don't use my name or the initials of the town I live in. This is a small town and everybody knows me. Sign me ... EX-TELEVISION WIDOW

DEAR EX-WIDOW: If it's any comfort to you, I received letters from many other "television widows" singing your song. Television can be the subtle thief of precious time -- and he or she who falls into the lazy habit of watching just anything that moves is destined to become an intellectual pauper.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing regarding the letter from the lady in her 70s who had been victimized by telephone scams and had ended up broke and in debt, not daring to tell her husband.

You told her to tell the Mr. because "two heads are better than one in a crisis." You should know that senior citizens have available more "heads" than just their own. Because of the number of older victims in so many different scams, there are ombudsmen in most (if not all) states who will give assistance or put these people in touch with those who can help them.

One of the services available in our area is free legal assistance, which this lady could use. It appears that not very many people, elderly or otherwise, are aware of the various kinds of services that are out there. The only way I became aware is through volunteer work that I do at a local senior center. Our ombudsman follows up on all kinds of abuse claims and counsels on any matter that may be beyond the capability of people like the lady who wrote to you.

Tell your senior readers to find out where their closest senior center is and what services they offer. They do a lot more than provide hot lunches. -- EVELYN TANNER, KAYSVILLE, UTAH

DEAR MS. TANNER: Thank you for a valuable addition to this column.

DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed from Dr. Davidson about medical treatment for what he called "social phobia," characterized by fear of humiliation/embarrassment in front of others, took me back to the time I was 14 years old in a Catholic boarding school.

I was very shy, and the sisters suggested I take a course in drama. This required me to stand in front of the class and recite poetry. I could feel my cheeks burning each time I had to perform.

Finally, I confided in my teacher about my embarrassment at blushing. I still remember her response -- after 60 years!

"Annette, there are thousands of women out there who would give anything to be able to blush. Besides, it's very good for the complexion!"

That worked! -- ANNETTE DOYLE, ROLLING HILLS ESTATES, CALIF.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY CHINESE READERS: As is my custom, I would like to wish all of you a Happy New Year. In past years, I have said, "Gung Hay Fat Choy," but several of you wrote to say that is not correct for all Chinese. It was suggested that I convey my wishes as follows: Kung Hsi Fa Tsai; Kung Ho Hsin Hsi; Hsin Nien Kuai Le; San Ni Fei Lo.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I strongly disagree with your response to "Too Trusting in Delaware" last summer. You stated that most parents are repaid money they lend to their children. In my experience (and that of 97 percent of my friends and acquaintances), parents of today are not repaid.

You missed the sad point of the letter: that the children are not "dishonest" or "bad" -- they are financially irresponsible. Young people starting out today want everything; they never want to wait. The terms "budget" and "save" are meaningless to them. Borrowing money to buy a computer and Christmas presents is typical of their mentality.

We were brought up to see food, shelter and basic clothing as the only essentials. Today, young people believe that television sets, computers, answering machines, pagers, CDs, videos, microwaves, etc., are required items. Their credit cards are "maxed" out and they need co-signers on loans -- but they continue to buy, buy, buy.

Advice from parents is unwelcome. They only want gifts or "loans." If parents refuse, they are considered selfish. "You have everything and/or lots of money" is the lament. I have learned to respond, "I didn't have everything at your age. I have acquired my possessions (or money) through years of working and saving. Try it!" -- HAPPILY SELFISH PARENT, HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR HAPPILY SELFISH PARENT: You said that you were brought up to see food, shelter and basic clothing as the only essentials, but apparently that message wasn't taken to heart by your own children.

Of course, it's never too late to learn to be financially responsible, so you are not wrong to deny them money for luxuries. But please go a little easier on the young people of today, many of whom were never taught the importance of living within their means.

DEAR ABBY: This is for the woman who says she despises bumming rides: Did it ever occur to her to put a couple of dollars in an envelope and give it to the driver?

I drive, and I never refuse a ride to anyone from our church who asks, but the cold hard facts are it costs me money to drive my car. My insurance is $900 a year. Last year I spent about $800 on repairs, plus gas, oil and parking. There are a few folks (very few) who will slip a couple of dollars into my purse. These people are picked up at their door, rain or shine, and returned there.

For years, my mother lived in Florida. She didn't drive, but she always gave the driver $2 for gas.

Abby, please tell these people to "wake up" -- I am living on a limited income.

No name, please. Sign me ... CHICAGO

DEAR CHICAGO: I'm printing your letter with the hope that those people who are given chauffeur service routinely will see themselves, and reward the driver appropriately.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)