DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have a boy, age 12, and a girl, 8. We get along very well except when it comes to disciplining our children.

About three months ago, we were at a mall shopping with our children. My husband became infuriated with our son because he wasn't paying attention to him when he was showing the correct way to fold a pair of pants.

I thought my husband overreacted and told him so. This resulted in his not talking to me for seven weeks.

We are now speaking to each other as if nothing ever happened, but we have not made love since that incident. Abby, we have never been without sex this long.

I feel rejected every night and my self-esteem is very low. I want to talk to him about it, but I'm afraid he will stop talking to me again. I feel as if I am getting mixed signals because we have regular conversations during the day, but at night he goes right to sleep.

What do you think is going on? -- CONFUSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CONFUSED: Your husband is still punishing you for the incident that took place in the mall three months ago. He appears to be a very selfish man with an unforgiving nature -- and petty as well -- to punish you in this manner. He is cutting his nose off to spite his face ... well, it's not really his nose, but you get the idea.

When the children are asleep, tell him you would like to discuss this misunderstanding that caused him to clam up, and then to stop making love to you. Assure him that you love him very much and want to resolve the "misunderstanding" before any more time elapses. If necessary, suggest seeing a marriage counselor to resolve this problem. If he refuses, go without him.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Brokenhearted Mother," whose obese son died in his sleep. I want this dear woman to know that the very day after her letter was published, I started attending Overeaters Anonymous meetings. I am in my early 20s and extremely obese. I am painfully aware that without help my life is in serious jeopardy.

Food is an addiction like no other. You can't get away from it, hide it or go cold turkey. It follows you day and night. I have an addiction and I know that I always will have. My only hope is to seek help and support. Hopefully, over time, I will become a thinner, healthier person, but there are no guarantees. I like to say that it is not just about lightening up your body, but also about lightening up your soul.

Again, to "Brokenhearted Mother," I am so sorry for your loss. You did a good thing, however, by getting out the message -- "Obesity does kill!"

On a final note: The next time you see a fat person on the street, please show a little compassion. We already know we are fat. -- GRATEFUL IN ONTARIO

DEAR GRATEFUL: I hope "Brokenhearted" sees your letter. For those of you who would like to contact Overeaters Anonymous, there are chapters in almost every city. If you have difficulty finding one near you, send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to Overeaters Anonymous World Service Office, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, N.M. 87174-4020.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of the practice of "reserving" a seat at a public event by placing an object such as an umbrella or a coat on the seat? My feeling is this should not entitle a person to select a choice seat, then wander off for half an hour or more and expect others to respect the "reservation." Abby, will you please state in your column that saving a seat for someone who is late is very unfair and should not be permitted?

Also, how should a situation of this kind be handled? Maybe you haven't been in a situation of this kind, but I'd like to hear from people who have. Is it fair, or isn't it? And if the person who is "holding" a seat for a latecomer encounters an angry theatergoer, who is entitled to the seat? I have witnessed some ugly scenes as a result of "seat saving" in theaters. What do you say? -- SAN FRANCISCAN

DEAR SAN FRANCISCAN: If a person comes in and says, "My friend (or spouse) is parking the car and I am saving a seat for him (or her)," that's fine.

But I would have a problem with the person who lays claim to a block of six or eight seats together. However, under no circumstances would I engage in an argument about it in a public place.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced woman with three children, 11, 10 and 7. Through the Internet, I met a man who lives in Kentucky. (I live in California.) I'll call him Dan. He is a high school teacher and is by far the kindest, most considerate man I have ever known.

Dan invited me to his house for Thanksgiving, and he spent a week at my home at Christmas. He and my children got along great; in fact, they are still talking about him.

Dan treats me with respect and is a perfect gentleman. The only problem is his appearance. He is slightly overweight and somewhat out of shape. He also has an eye problem that requires him to wear extremely thick glasses. My friends tell me that I am "too pretty" to settle for him. My mom says looks are not that important, and I would have to look far to find a man who will treat me with such respect and consideration.

Dan told me he is considering moving to California at the end of the school year so we can be closer.

I hate to be so superficial that I would miss out on a fulfilling relationship because Dan is not better looking. I certainly love who he is on the inside, but I know some people will look at us and wonder what I saw in him.

Would I be wrong to let his appearance hold me back? I would hate to have him give up everything for me and move out here. What if things didn't work out? He says that is a chance he is willing to take.

He makes me very happy and is always on my mind. I want to call him and tell him to come to California, but I am not sure it is the right thing to do. What do you think, Abby? -- ON THE FENCE

DEAR ON THE FENCE: I know your friends are well-meaning, but I question their values.

An average-looking man who is kind and caring will become more attractive with time, just as a handsome man will become less appealing if his behavior does not match his appearance.

Let Dan know that you are very much interested in him, but moving to California must be his decision alone. And when you get to know him better, if he is everything you want in a lifelong partner, you will have made a very wise decision.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Why do people with small children feel it is necessary to take these children with them when they go to the movies? I went to four R-rated, action-packed movies last summer, and in three of them there were parents with crying children.

I see the same thing every time I go to the movies. Don't these parents know that their children are not going to enjoy the movie? Why should they? They are sitting in a dark, strange place with many strangers they can't see, there is nothing for them to play with, and there are loud, strange noises all around them.

Here is my message to parents: If your child is under the age of 2, he or she is not going to enjoy a movie no matter what the rating is. If your child is under the age of 6, he or she should not be going to anything over a PG rating. Make the cost of the baby sitter part of the cost for an evening out. Most sitters will charge only $3 or $4 per hour for a small child.

If you can't afford a baby sitter, stay home and rent a movie. It's better for you, better for your child, and for all of us sitting in the theater. -- IRRITATED IN TEXAS

DEAR IRRITATED: I'm printing your "message," but let's be realistic: Parents who bring infants and small children to the movies often do it because they can't afford a sitter. There's no law against it. However, when a child creates a disturbance, good sense and good manners dictate that it be taken outside so it's not a distraction to others. But if it's not, the manager of the theater should be notified so he (or she) can quell the disturbance.

DEAR ABBY: My son's wedding went an infuriating step beyond the standard non-reply to an RSVP. When many self-addressed, stamped responses to the reception were not received by a reasonable length of time, I called some non-respondents from our immediate family. Since my son and his fiancee were committed to pay a considerable amount of money for each dinner at the country club -- in advance -- it was important that the number of guests be accurate.

I telephoned each invited guest and almost all assured me that they would be attending, several with children -- one family totaling five.

However, on the happy day, there were an inexcusable number of "no-shows" who hadn't even bothered to call at the last minute with an excuse. Consequently, the bridal couple had to pay for a lot of thoughtless relatives who had accepted when they should have been honest and said, "If we don't have anything better to do, we'll be there." -- FED UP WITH RELATIVES

DEAR FED UP: Believe it or not, some people do not know that "R.S.V.P." means "Please respond" in French.

WORTH QUOTING: Clarence Darrow, world-famous American lawyer in the 1900s who earned a wide reputation as a brilliant criminal defense attorney, said: "The trouble with the law is lawyers."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)