DEAR ABBY: My heart aches for "Someone in Georgia," who buried her firstborn child who died from a drug overdose. I too lost my beloved son from an accidental overdose of "recreational" drugs.

My son was well-educated, talented and handsome. He was not a master of deceit, but he was a substance abuser who eventually became addicted. I was aware my son had a problem and would have done anything to help him. The realization that I had no control over the situation or my son, that he had to want to help himself, was devastating. The powerful grip these drugs have over mind and soul is incomprehensible. These young people do not want to die.

The "Just Say No" campaign was well-meant, but the truth is "It Takes a Village." Our families, friends, neighbors, police, teachers and clergy need to be aware and get involved. The drugs on the street today are stronger and more lethal than ever before. Our kids are addicted before they know what hit them.

As a mother who bonded with, nurtured and loved her firstborn son, I empathize with anyone who has lost a child. The void is painful and everlasting. -- A SADDENED MOM WHO'S GOING TO STAY INVOLVED

DEAR SADDENED MOM: Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your beloved son. My heart goes out to you. Kids who are in trouble with drugs are in over their heads. Anyone who can offer help should not hesitate to do so.

Many years ago, I printed the following, which had been published in the Congressional Record. I wish it were not as timely today, but sadly, it may be even more so:

"'King Heroin is my shepherd; I shall always want ...'

"These tragic words, part of a twisted rewording of the beloved 23rd Psalm, were discovered recently in Reidsville, N.C., in a closed car alongside a dead heroin addict. She was 23 years old.

"Her death was ruled a suicide. A hookup with the car's exhaust had sent carbon monoxide fumes from a running motor into the vehicle. Here's the complete 'Psalm.'

"'King Heroin is my shepherd; I shall always want. He maketh me to lie down in the gutter.

"'He leadeth me beside the troubled waters.

"'He destroyeth my soul.

"'He leadeth me in the paths of wickedness.

"'Yea, I shall walk through the valley of poverty and will fear no evil, for thou, Heroin, are with me.

"'Thy needle and capsule comfort me. Thou strippest the table of groceries in the presence of my family. Thou robbest my head of reason.

"'My cup of sorrow runneth over. Surely heroin addiction shall stalk me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the House of the Damned forever.'

"Also found in the car with the dead woman was this written message:

"'Jail didn't cure me. Nor did hospitalization help me for long. The doctor told my family it would have been better, and indeed kinder, if the person who got me hooked on dope had taken a gun and blown my brains out. And I wish to God he had. My God, how I wish it!'"

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DEAR ABBY: I read your answer to "Perplexed in Riverdale," concerning the woman whose husband was a retired naval officer who required his daughter to call his fellow officers by their rank. You agreed with the naval officer, stating that "a 12-year-old (especially the daughter of a naval officer) should have no trouble remembering the ranks of her father's fellow officers."

Your answer upset me no end. I am a retired veteran of 20 years of service, and the day I retired was the day I hung up my uniform and my rank. However, it seems as though some retired officers have a hard time separating themselves from the military, especially feeling like nobodies since they are no longer in power.

The 12-year-old girl is NOT IN THE MILITARY, and therefore should not be required to remember any military rank or call any military personnel by their rank. During my tenure in the military, I often had active-duty personnel ask me which rank came after so-and-so (e.g. What is the next rank after a full colonel?). These were personnel with up to three and four years of service. What would ever make you believe that any civilian, whether 12 or 50 years old, would have the need to know the level of military ranks?

My wife, for instance, served with me for a period of 16 years as a civilian. When asked about a person's rank, her answer was, "I don't know any rank in the military other than my husband's. He's a sergeant." I sincerely don't think she even knew what level I held as a sergeant. And that was fine with me, because I was in the military, not my wife or children. So neither my wife nor my four sons were ever required by me to refer to any of my friends by their rank.

In my view, you goofed big time. I would suggest you retract your answer to "Perplexed in Silverdale" and let this 12-year-old child be a civilian -- which she is! -- JOSEPH J. MURRAY, RET.

DEAR MR. MURRAY: I received numerous reprimands for that answer, much to my surprise. I had assumed that to a child raised in a military atmosphere, addressing adults by their rank would be nearly second nature -- and not too difficult to learn. However, many military parents disagreed with my presumption. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As the wife of a retired Air Force officer, I do not agree that children should be taught to address active-duty military persons by their rank.

One of the main reasons we did not teach our children to address their friends' parents by rank was because we didn't want the children to feel that one person deserves more respect than another just because of rank. They were taught that adults were to be respected because of their age and wisdom, not because they had attained a higher rank than another person.

By the way, even though I spent 19 years as an Air Force officer's wife, I still cannot tell a Navy officer's rank by the insignia!

Although this time I strongly disagreed with your call, I generally agree with you, and I thank you for being there for us. -- EMILY L. MAHEU, NICEVILE, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: Our son is getting married soon. The bride's parents say this is the '90s and we should split the cost as they are "our kids." What the "kids" want will cost $6,000 total.

They claim they have gotten the lowest prices for this big day. Are we responsible for paying 50 percent?

I told my husband about the financing, and he said it's customary for the bride's father to pay for the wedding. Others who have married children say they've split the cost.

I don't think splitting the cost is such a bad idea. Perhaps when our two daughters get married, we can say, "Hey, this is the '90s -- and we'll pay half."

What do you say, Abby? -- STRESSED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR STRESSED: Traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding and reception. However, today it is not unusual for the groom's family to offer to share the cost. In many cases, the couple will pay for their own wedding.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before, but I have had an experience that has annoyed me greatly. My son recently got married. It was a lovely wedding at an exclusive club. There was a sumptuous meal and unlimited beverages of every kind. No expense was spared.

One of the wedding gifts was a box containing two towels and a toothbrush holder. Included with it was a card signed by 12 of my daughter-in-law's co-workers.

Abby, I know the thought is what's supposed to count and not the gift, but it cost over $500 to entertain those 12 people. Considering they all earn more money than my daughter-in-law and son, I think a gift that cost $35 (collectively) was miserly. We are all upset because we don't know if the gift was given in a mean-spirited manner or because they are "etiquette-challenged."

Should we approach them on the subject or forget it? We are split on the decision. Sign me ... CANNOT BELIEVE IT IN FLORIDA

DEAR CANNOT BELIEVE IT: Do not approach them about the cost of the gift. It would be worse manners to call them on it. Wedding gifts are not the "price of admission" to a party. People should give what they can afford.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Came Up Clean in Los Angeles," who heard from an old pen pal who was a police dispatcher who ran her name through a police computer and sent her the printout of her driver's license personal information.

In California, where the pen pal worked, police dispatchers routinely access information from the California Law Enforcement Telecommunications System (CLETS) as part of their everyday job.

We ARE authorized users of this system. However, the use of any CLETS information for other than official business may be in violation of the California Penal Code. Additionally, the use of CLETS for other than official law enforcement purposes may result in the employing agency seeking dismissal and/or prosecution of the employee. I have no doubt that other states have similar laws.

I, too, am a police dispatcher and am proud of what I do. I was surprised that a fellow dispatcher would obtain such personal information and then send the information to that person, regardless of their relationship. We use this criteria in the workplace: the need to know and the right to know. If you have neither, you have no business running the person or vehicle.

Perhaps the agency for which the pen pal works needs to re-educate its employees on the consequences of such actions. -- LAURA ABSHER-PERRY, POLICE AND FIRE DISPATCHER

DEAR LAURA: With so much confidential information being stored in data banks, and a growing number of individuals able to access it, periodic reminders about the importance of confidentiality (and the penalties for breaching it) may curb potential abuses. Thank you for your intelligent suggestion.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "NO FRIENDS IN NEW JERSEY": There are two kinds of people in the world: those who walk into a room and say, "Here I am!" and those who walk into a room and say, "There you are!"

Which kind are you?

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.