DEAR ABBY: I work in an animal shelter. Thank God more people are bringing unwanted animals to shelters instead of dumping them by the roadside where they risk being struck and killed by cars or attacked by wild animals. At least these animals have a chance at life if they are brought to a shelter.

There is a poster in the shelter where I work which reads: There aren't enough homes for all of them.

For those who are not lucky enough to be chosen, the shelter provides the most humane death possible, with a loving attendant by their sides as they are put to sleep. But what a waste of beautiful life.

Abby, as I write this, I am in tears. The cats and dogs whose cages I clean daily are wonderful, loving animals. It breaks my heart when no one comes to adopt them because when we run out of space, we must choose which ones will be euthanized.

Please print this so pet owners will think about what happens when our country is overpopulated with animals. If only owners would spay or neuter their pets, there wouldn't be so many unwanted animals that must be put to death. -- BEGGING FOR THE ANIMALS IN ARLINGTON, VT.

DEAR BEGGING: Thank you for writing. For years I have encouraged my readers to spay or neuter their pets, and go to shelters to choose an animal companion.

A very dear friend of mine, Rhonda Fleming Mann, went to an animal shelter to get a dog. There she found an adorable mongrel whom she named "Sparkey." No one could hope for a more loving pet. (He looks like a Pomeranian whose mother had more than a sniffing acquaintance with a fox terrier.)

Sparkey is now 14 years old and still going strong. Rhonda's husband, Ted Mann, is also crazy about Sparkey and walks him frequently.

So, dear readers, if you want a pet, consider adopting one from an animal shelter, thereby saving a life.

DEAR ABBY: As a gentleman, I greet other men with a firm handshake. However, over the years I have found that most women do not care to shake hands with men or women.

Occasionally, a woman will offer a hand to shake, but in a very feminine way. The women who do offer a hand tend to be middle-aged or professional women who are accustomed to formality. Older and young women usually do not offer to shake hands. Once I asked a woman why she chose not to, and she replied, "It's a guy thing."

Some women roll their eyes and grudgingly give me a light handshake, apparently just to appease me.

Recently, however, I greeted a woman by just saying, "Hello, I'm pleased to meet you." To my surprise, she offered her hand, so I shook it with medium firmness. She said, "Come on, give me a real shake."

Since I have been rebuffed so much in the past, I no longer extend my hand unless the woman does so first, but how do I know whether to shake a lady's hand firmly or lightly? -- ON SHAKY GROUND, LOS ANGELES

DEAR ON SHAKY GROUND: To be on the safe side, do not offer your hand until the lady has indicated she wishes to use this form of greeting. Then take the middle road and shake her hand with medium firmness.

DEAR ABBY: I often hear people misquoting famous sayings. One in particular gets my goat. The classic adage is NOT "Ignorance is bliss." Correctly, it is "When ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise."

Would you help me set the record straight? -- A READER IN LIBERTYVILLE, ILL.

DEAR READER: I'm happy to help set the record straight, but let's make sure it's correct. The quote, "WHERE ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise," is from a poem titled "Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College," by Thomas Gray, who lived from 1716 to 1771.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please continue to tell your readers how important it is to inquire about family members who are in prison.

Three years ago, my son went to prison. My sister and I visit him every other Sunday. It's a 450-mile round trip, so families have not only the guilt to deal with, but the financial burden also.

The first year I don't know if I would have survived without friends. Even people I barely knew took a few minutes of their time to say a kind word and ask how my son is adjusting.

On the other hand, people I have supported during periods of crisis in their lives I no longer consider friends because they haven't even called to ask how I am doing.

Abby, the woman who was mentioned in the letter may break down and cry when asked about her husband, but she will always remember the kindness. -- STRUGGLING IN ARKANSAS

DEAR STRUGGLING: Thank you for a letter that will ease the pain of those who are dealing with a similar problem. And particularly for assuring them that it is an act of kindness to inquire about a dear friend or family member who is incarcerated. I received a mountain of mail echoing your sentiments. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in prison. When old friends and acquaintances ask me how he's doing, it tells me they still care and acknowledge him as a person.

When a man goes to prison, much is stripped away from him along with his street clothes -- his dignity, his pride, his possessions and, all too often, his family. When an old friend or acquaintance acknowledges my husband, it's like giving him back a bit of himself. He appreciates being told that someone asked about him.

What bothers me more than anything are those who whisper behind my back, won't look me in the eye and act uncomfortable around me, as if they would like to ask but don't know how. It would be much more polite to just ask. -- WIFE OF AN INMATE

DEAR ABBY: My close friends saved my life with their friendship when my husband went to jail and I was left with three children in grade school.

There are many things a well-wisher can do: invite the spouse and children to an outing; any simple meal will do -- a coffee shop, fast food, potluck or picnic. Ask them to go with you to the library, a museum, a party, a movie or for a walk. Call just to say "Hi." Send a "thinking of you" greeting card or a note.

There is a big hole in the lives of families of prisoners. In addition, the families are shamed and embarrassed. If there are children, there are inevitably cruel words from schoolmates.

I beg this friend not to let self-consciousness stop her from extending a much-needed helping hand. -- ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked with inmates and their families in many capacities for 16 years. I am the public relations director of Turning Point Bridges, a 150-bed treatment center for convicted felons. It is usually appreciated when someone asks about their loved one (an inmate). However, it is best to do so in private or by telephone, especially if speaking to a wife regarding her husband. Keeping her husband's incarceration quiet may be necessary for many reasons.

Many wives of inmates have tremendous financial problems due to the husband's absence. Though it is not legal, many women are "released" from their jobs when their husband goes to prison. Wives of inmates are lonely, embarrassed or humiliated, and need good friends. The wife and children did not commit the crime. They need friendship, understanding and support. -- SHARON BURTON, POMPANO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR READERS: I regret that space limitations prevent printing more heartwarming responses I received on this subject. The overwhelming majority were in favor of speaking up and asking about the relative in prison. Only a few readers felt that mentioning the subject would be unkind.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It's hard to believe we are nearing 10 years since the world held its breath as a small child was pulled to safety after 58 hours in an underground well. And after baby Jessica McClure was rescued, America joined Midland, Texas, in celebrating the rescuers and those who provided the equipment, the expertise and the countless hours of effort. We celebrated the selfless acts of an entire community that pulled together for one child.

The worldwide recognition our community received was extraordinary. At the time nothing existed to officially recognize communities for achievements such as these, so our community decided to create a platform to share the recognition we had received. We asked you to help us find deserving recipients for our Midland Community Spirit Award -- and did you ever!

Hundreds of nominations poured in -- 480 the last time you helped us. We continue to be amazed and invigorated by the incredible accomplishments of wonderful people and wonderful communities who achieve so much by working together.

To date, the Midland Community Spirit Award has honored the achievements of: Sioux City, Iowa, for its compassionate community response in the wake of a tragic DC-10 crash; Yakima, Wash., for ridding neighborhoods of drugs; Bangor, Maine, for the volunteers who personally welcomed more than 63,000 Desert Storm veterans; Warren/Southern Wells School Community, Ind., who worked together over the Christmas holidays to convert a civic center into a school after their elementary school was destroyed by fire; and Petaluma, Calif., for the massive search efforts for Polly Klaas, the 12-year-old who was kidnapped and murdered, and for ongoing efforts to establish a foundation in her memory to serve other young victims.

Abby, would you once again ask your readers to nominate deserving communities for the 1997 award? The winner will be announced at a community luncheon in early October 1997. Thank you for all of your help. -- BOBBY BURNS, MAYOR, MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR MAYOR BURNS: I'm pleased to help. Too often our attention is focused on negative issues, and the Midland Community Spirit Award illustrates beautifully what miracles can be accomplished when caring individuals work together. Communities whose citizens have risen to the occasion when tragedy struck are eligible to throw their hats in the ring. Interested communities may receive application materials in one of three ways:

Written requests can be mailed to: Midland Community Spirit Award, P.O. Box 1890, Midland, Texas 79701; e-mail requests to: spiritaward@basinlink.com; and on-line via the Midland Reporter-Telegram home page: http://www.mrt.com.

DEAR ABBY: Harry C. Williams Jr. of Nashville, Tenn., is right to be concerned about shaking hands with hospital patients. Some years ago as a journalist, I was assigned at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta. Once I went into an area where research was in progress. As I was introduced to the doctor I was to interview, I offered to shake hands. He drew away and explained, "We don't shake hands at the CDC." -- JACK STILLMAN, JASPER, GA.

DEAR JACK: How about touching elbows?

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