DEAR ABBY: Please continue to tell your readers how important it is to inquire about family members who are in prison.

Three years ago, my son went to prison. My sister and I visit him every other Sunday. It's a 450-mile round trip, so families have not only the guilt to deal with, but the financial burden also.

The first year I don't know if I would have survived without friends. Even people I barely knew took a few minutes of their time to say a kind word and ask how my son is adjusting.

On the other hand, people I have supported during periods of crisis in their lives I no longer consider friends because they haven't even called to ask how I am doing.

Abby, the woman who was mentioned in the letter may break down and cry when asked about her husband, but she will always remember the kindness. -- STRUGGLING IN ARKANSAS

DEAR STRUGGLING: Thank you for a letter that will ease the pain of those who are dealing with a similar problem. And particularly for assuring them that it is an act of kindness to inquire about a dear friend or family member who is incarcerated. I received a mountain of mail echoing your sentiments. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in prison. When old friends and acquaintances ask me how he's doing, it tells me they still care and acknowledge him as a person.

When a man goes to prison, much is stripped away from him along with his street clothes -- his dignity, his pride, his possessions and, all too often, his family. When an old friend or acquaintance acknowledges my husband, it's like giving him back a bit of himself. He appreciates being told that someone asked about him.

What bothers me more than anything are those who whisper behind my back, won't look me in the eye and act uncomfortable around me, as if they would like to ask but don't know how. It would be much more polite to just ask. -- WIFE OF AN INMATE

DEAR ABBY: My close friends saved my life with their friendship when my husband went to jail and I was left with three children in grade school.

There are many things a well-wisher can do: invite the spouse and children to an outing; any simple meal will do -- a coffee shop, fast food, potluck or picnic. Ask them to go with you to the library, a museum, a party, a movie or for a walk. Call just to say "Hi." Send a "thinking of you" greeting card or a note.

There is a big hole in the lives of families of prisoners. In addition, the families are shamed and embarrassed. If there are children, there are inevitably cruel words from schoolmates.

I beg this friend not to let self-consciousness stop her from extending a much-needed helping hand. -- ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked with inmates and their families in many capacities for 16 years. I am the public relations director of Turning Point Bridges, a 150-bed treatment center for convicted felons. It is usually appreciated when someone asks about their loved one (an inmate). However, it is best to do so in private or by telephone, especially if speaking to a wife regarding her husband. Keeping her husband's incarceration quiet may be necessary for many reasons.

Many wives of inmates have tremendous financial problems due to the husband's absence. Though it is not legal, many women are "released" from their jobs when their husband goes to prison. Wives of inmates are lonely, embarrassed or humiliated, and need good friends. The wife and children did not commit the crime. They need friendship, understanding and support. -- SHARON BURTON, POMPANO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR READERS: I regret that space limitations prevent printing more heartwarming responses I received on this subject. The overwhelming majority were in favor of speaking up and asking about the relative in prison. Only a few readers felt that mentioning the subject would be unkind.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It's hard to believe we are nearing 10 years since the world held its breath as a small child was pulled to safety after 58 hours in an underground well. And after baby Jessica McClure was rescued, America joined Midland, Texas, in celebrating the rescuers and those who provided the equipment, the expertise and the countless hours of effort. We celebrated the selfless acts of an entire community that pulled together for one child.

The worldwide recognition our community received was extraordinary. At the time nothing existed to officially recognize communities for achievements such as these, so our community decided to create a platform to share the recognition we had received. We asked you to help us find deserving recipients for our Midland Community Spirit Award -- and did you ever!

Hundreds of nominations poured in -- 480 the last time you helped us. We continue to be amazed and invigorated by the incredible accomplishments of wonderful people and wonderful communities who achieve so much by working together.

To date, the Midland Community Spirit Award has honored the achievements of: Sioux City, Iowa, for its compassionate community response in the wake of a tragic DC-10 crash; Yakima, Wash., for ridding neighborhoods of drugs; Bangor, Maine, for the volunteers who personally welcomed more than 63,000 Desert Storm veterans; Warren/Southern Wells School Community, Ind., who worked together over the Christmas holidays to convert a civic center into a school after their elementary school was destroyed by fire; and Petaluma, Calif., for the massive search efforts for Polly Klaas, the 12-year-old who was kidnapped and murdered, and for ongoing efforts to establish a foundation in her memory to serve other young victims.

Abby, would you once again ask your readers to nominate deserving communities for the 1997 award? The winner will be announced at a community luncheon in early October 1997. Thank you for all of your help. -- BOBBY BURNS, MAYOR, MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR MAYOR BURNS: I'm pleased to help. Too often our attention is focused on negative issues, and the Midland Community Spirit Award illustrates beautifully what miracles can be accomplished when caring individuals work together. Communities whose citizens have risen to the occasion when tragedy struck are eligible to throw their hats in the ring. Interested communities may receive application materials in one of three ways:

Written requests can be mailed to: Midland Community Spirit Award, P.O. Box 1890, Midland, Texas 79701; e-mail requests to: spiritaward@basinlink.com; and on-line via the Midland Reporter-Telegram home page: http://www.mrt.com.

DEAR ABBY: Harry C. Williams Jr. of Nashville, Tenn., is right to be concerned about shaking hands with hospital patients. Some years ago as a journalist, I was assigned at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta. Once I went into an area where research was in progress. As I was introduced to the doctor I was to interview, I offered to shake hands. He drew away and explained, "We don't shake hands at the CDC." -- JACK STILLMAN, JASPER, GA.

DEAR JACK: How about touching elbows?

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It seems that everyone is aware that there is a dark side to the Internet, but I would like to let you know about another side of it.

There are many ongoing charity projects on the Internet, like the Linus Project and the ABC Quilts, which provide quilts for children with AIDS.

After the Oklahoma City bombing and again after the recent California fires, the chat rooms and newsgroups were full of people offering various kinds of help. Quilts were made honoring the children who died in Oklahoma, and supplies were shipped to Californians who lost their homes.

A man called Magic Mike who has access to scraps from a fabric factory now sends those scraps to quilters across the country who craft for charities, for the price of the postage. He is not only reducing the size of landfills (where the scraps would otherwise go), but he is also providing very low-cost supplies to charities that need them.

There are whole communities of people on the Internet who have never met face-to-face or spoken on the telephone, but are ready, willing and able to act whenever a call for help is transmitted.

The Internet has more caring people than it has the bad seeds we read about in the paper. It's time to turn the spotlight away from the few who are giving it a bad name and shine it on those who are quietly making this a better world through their use of this Information Age tool. -- LESA FARMER, KANSAS CITY, KAN.

DEAR LESA: Your letter is very timely, and I am pleased to help highlight the good side of the Internet.

The Internet provides millions of people with access to the information superhighway, an electronic assortment of resources, information and communication. Today's computers make navigating the Internet so easy that almost anyone can do it, and the cost is becoming more reasonable every day.

People communicate with one another through newsgroups, mailing lists, e-mail and chat areas, where they can ask for and receive information, share experiences, and access worldwide resources on virtually any topic.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column (I've lost the clipping, so I can't give you the woman's "nom-de-gripe") a woman complained that her son and daughter-in-law refused to have children, thus depriving her of her RIGHTFUL grandchildren. And, although she didn't specify it, her qualifcation of the family background -- doctors, lawyers, college professors, etc. -- indicated that she perceived it to be her son's duty to contribute to and further the family's illustrious gene pool.

It reminded me of the story of the scion of a "proper" Bostonian family who applied for a position at a Wall Street banking firm. A letter from one of his references said:

"I would wholeheartedly recommend this young man to your firm. His father, a Harvard graduate, descends from a line of Pilgrim forebears whose family tree includes several Astors and Cabots. His mother, a Wellesley alumna, is a descendant of a Daughter of the American Revolution and also claims kinship to the Lodges. His grandfather was president of Harvard, and a great-uncle was ambassador to the Court of St. James."

To which the would-be employer replied:

"Thank you for your glowing recommendation. Unfortunately, we intended to utilize him in the brokerage business, not for breeding." -- JAMES A. ABLE JR., THE TAMPA GRAMPA

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)