DEAR ABBY: It seems that everyone is aware that there is a dark side to the Internet, but I would like to let you know about another side of it.

There are many ongoing charity projects on the Internet, like the Linus Project and the ABC Quilts, which provide quilts for children with AIDS.

After the Oklahoma City bombing and again after the recent California fires, the chat rooms and newsgroups were full of people offering various kinds of help. Quilts were made honoring the children who died in Oklahoma, and supplies were shipped to Californians who lost their homes.

A man called Magic Mike who has access to scraps from a fabric factory now sends those scraps to quilters across the country who craft for charities, for the price of the postage. He is not only reducing the size of landfills (where the scraps would otherwise go), but he is also providing very low-cost supplies to charities that need them.

There are whole communities of people on the Internet who have never met face-to-face or spoken on the telephone, but are ready, willing and able to act whenever a call for help is transmitted.

The Internet has more caring people than it has the bad seeds we read about in the paper. It's time to turn the spotlight away from the few who are giving it a bad name and shine it on those who are quietly making this a better world through their use of this Information Age tool. -- LESA FARMER, KANSAS CITY, KAN.

DEAR LESA: Your letter is very timely, and I am pleased to help highlight the good side of the Internet.

The Internet provides millions of people with access to the information superhighway, an electronic assortment of resources, information and communication. Today's computers make navigating the Internet so easy that almost anyone can do it, and the cost is becoming more reasonable every day.

People communicate with one another through newsgroups, mailing lists, e-mail and chat areas, where they can ask for and receive information, share experiences, and access worldwide resources on virtually any topic.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column (I've lost the clipping, so I can't give you the woman's "nom-de-gripe") a woman complained that her son and daughter-in-law refused to have children, thus depriving her of her RIGHTFUL grandchildren. And, although she didn't specify it, her qualifcation of the family background -- doctors, lawyers, college professors, etc. -- indicated that she perceived it to be her son's duty to contribute to and further the family's illustrious gene pool.

It reminded me of the story of the scion of a "proper" Bostonian family who applied for a position at a Wall Street banking firm. A letter from one of his references said:

"I would wholeheartedly recommend this young man to your firm. His father, a Harvard graduate, descends from a line of Pilgrim forebears whose family tree includes several Astors and Cabots. His mother, a Wellesley alumna, is a descendant of a Daughter of the American Revolution and also claims kinship to the Lodges. His grandfather was president of Harvard, and a great-uncle was ambassador to the Court of St. James."

To which the would-be employer replied:

"Thank you for your glowing recommendation. Unfortunately, we intended to utilize him in the brokerage business, not for breeding." -- JAMES A. ABLE JR., THE TAMPA GRAMPA

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My aunt recently went to New York City and brought back a T-shirt for her 3-year-old grandson. She told him about the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building, and she also told him that New York City is called "the Big Apple." He asked why. She said she didn't know and tried looking it up, but she couldn't find the answer. She even asked professors and college students, to no avail.

Abby, can you help? -- HER NIECE IN GLENDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR NIECE: I put that question to my readers in 1988. Here's a sample of the responses I received:

DEAR ABBY: The Bible tells us that the apple was forbidden fruit. (Remember, the serpent in the Garden of Eden dared Eve to eat the apple.) Well, from that time on, the apple signified temptation. And since New York City is the most tempting city in the world, the traveling men named New York City "the Big Apple." -- NORMAN IN NEWARK

DEAR ABBY: I once read a story written by a man who traveled with a circus. He said, "New York was the choice spot, 'the big one,' or 'the big apple,' and that is how New York City came to be known as the Big Apple." -- CORNELL THOMPSON, HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: I saw a letter in your column asking why New York City is known as the Big Apple.

Back in the 1920s and '30s, people in the entertainment world, particularly jazz musicians, talked about making it to the top. To "play" New York City was to make the big time or the "big apple," which was the jazz term.

Today, New York City remains the No. 1 visitor destination in the world, thanks to both the New York City Convention and Visitors' Bureau's efforts and the state's own "I Love New York" statewide tourism campaign. Last year, we welcomed 17.8 million visitors to The Big Apple -- over 3 million were from overseas.

So, we welcome the world -- and especially you and your readers. Come and enjoy all of New York State's beauty, history, culture and unlimited recreation, from Buffalo to the Big Apple! -- MARIO CUOMO, GOVERNOR

DEAR ABBY: "The Big Apple" was the name of a song that inspired a dance wherein a small group made a circle, held hands and danced to a lively beat. A gossip columnist named Walter Winchell made it popular in 1930. It took New York by storm -- that is why they call New York City "the Big Apple." -- A. NOLAN, ATLANTA

DEAR ABBY: New York City was named the Big Apple because during the Depression of 1929-30, all the banks closed and many people were suddenly unemployed, so they stood on the street corners and sold apples for a nickel apiece.

There were so many apple stands in New York City, they called it the Big Apple. -- MRS. LEONARD COOKSON, PARADISE VALLEY, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: As a former resident of New York, I believe it came to be known as the Big Apple because New York grows the most varied apples of any state in the union. For example: Delicious, Rome, MacIntosh, Baldwins, Golden Delicious, Spy Greivies, Jonathon, etc. Hence the name the Big Apple. -- N. WHITMAN, LAUDERDALE LAKES, FLA.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I've been married six years, and just learned that my husband recently had an affair. The night he confessed, he called the other woman, allowing me to listen to their conversation, and told her it was over between them. She asked him to call again, but he said no, and I believe that was the end of it.

My problem is: How do I get over this? I asked him why he had the affair, and he insists that it was his fault; that I wasn't the problem. But I believe problems in a marriage are a two-way street. He says we just weren't talking enough and he thought I didn't love him anymore. I tell him every day, and always have, that I love him, so I think there's more.

He lets me wake him up at any time to cry, and he'll talk to me for hours. But I'm afraid he'll grow tired of my pain. I have a friend who helps me talk this out, but it's my husband I need to cry on and be held by. I don't want him to keep apologizing -- he's done that -- I just want comfort.

Do you think I'll drive him away again? Can a marriage survive an affair? I don't know any that have. -- I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART

DEAR LOVE HIM: Your husband said you did not drive him away; he drifted away on his own. Also, he is willing to hold you and let you cry, and talk to you for hours in the middle of the night. He sounds like a man who wants his wife and marriage back. Remind yourself of this when doubts arise. It will take time and effort from both of you. You must let go of the past, and he must earn your trust. Many marriages survive an affair.

I recently printed a letter from "Dave in Montana," who deeply regretted his recent affair with his much-younger secretary. It may be reassuring to read one of the responses to his letter:

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Dave in Montana," the married lover.

I went through three years of pain while my husband of 25 years carried on an affair. Finally he made the decision -- he wanted a divorce.

We were in the process of informing friends and family of our divorce when my husband did an about-face, claiming he must have been crazy and that he did not want a divorce after all!

I told him that in order to repair the devastation he had created, he would have to go to counseling, and if he still wanted to save our marriage and be a faithful husband, I too would seek counseling and decide if I felt the same way.

Well, it worked! We eventually had joint counseling and developed a closer, more loving relationship than we had before.

In the aftermath, he has suffered terribly from his guilt, and has had to deal with my pain and anger. I wasn't sure I could forgive him, but we both hung onto our commitment. The process was excruciatingly difficult, but it has paid untold dividends.

We have now been married 35 years and look forward to enjoying and loving one another for many, many more. -- MR. & MRS. COMMITTED

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)