DEAR ABBY: I have just returned from burying my firstborn cherished child, who died from a drug overdose. The "Just Say No" campaign has been a great failure in our country. Perhaps a better theme would be, "Tell someone if you suspect that a friend has a substance-abuse problem."

I know we have all been raised not to tattle, but if just one of the young people who were so devastated at my child's funeral had anonymously telephoned a member of the clergy, a school counselor, a neighbor or family member and said, "This is what I know or suspect my friend is doing; please help him (or her)," the outcome would have been different.

My clever, well-educated, beautiful child was also a master of deceit. For the past few years, the trust that we had in our child had been misplaced. There was a self-destructive urge that was stronger than anything that had ever existed in our world. The heartbroken friends that we saw today were all part of the great conspiracy of silence: "Don't tattle on your friends. They can get themselves straightened out." Well, they can't and they didn't -- and now some of them are dead!

Had an anonymous message been relayed to us, maybe there wouldn't have been a funeral today, but a continuation of a beautiful, productive life. I know now that whenever I hear something that troubles me, I'll pass that information to someone who can check it out. The pain of losing this child will be with me forever. Perhaps if some good can come of this, one life will not have been wasted, and someone else will be spared immeasurable heartache.

God bless you, Abby. -- SOMEONE IN GEORGIA

DEAR SOMEONE: Please accept my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your child. I'm printing your letter with the hope that it will encourage younger readers to speak up when they know a friend is in trouble.

DEAR ABBY: A former co-worker was recently divorced from her husband of 2 1/2 years. I have known this couple for approximately 18 months. She used to confide in me about all the problems they were going through. She felt she had made a huge mistake in marrying him. They both finally decided to call it quits and proceeded with the divorce.

I have not talked to this woman in about eight months. She no longer works for the same company and has moved to a different city. I know she is seeing someone new.

A few months ago I received a call from her ex-husband, who asked if I would have dinner with him. I agreed, and now we have fallen in love. I have kept the fact that we are dating a secret at work because some of my co-workers knew about all of his previous marital problems.

Our relationship seems to be going in a serious direction. Should I reveal this to my co-workers, and if so, when would be a good time? Would it be better to keep our relationship confidential for the time being? And last but not least, is it wrong to date a former friend's ex? -- SECRET LOVE IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SECRET LOVE: I see nothing wrong with dating your former friend's ex, since you had nothing to do with the breakup of the marriage. And because the relationship is getting serious, the time to take it out of the closet is now.

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DEAR ABBY: The letter from the man in Olympia, Wash., whose wife has Alzheimer's disease and doesn't even recognize him prompts me to write. Although he continues to visit her in the nursing home, he feels guilty about seeing the widow next door to him.

My husband and I were also childhood sweethearts, and we have just celebrated our 46th anniversary, too. As you reach our age, thoughts of just this sort of possibility occur.

It would pain me terribly if I thought for one minute that should I get Alzheimer's or some other debilitating disease, my dear husband would feel that he must also give up the rest of his life to sit by my bedside watching me "in a world of my own."

Obviously, this man was always a thoughtful and loving husband during their marriage. Perhaps he should try to imagine how he would feel if he were the ill partner. Would he begrudge her having some joy and comfort while he was oblivious to the world? I think not.

Please, Abby, tell that man he has no reason to feel guilty. If his wife could speak, she would give him her blessing and thank him for the last 46 years. -- MARY JANE SEGERSON

DEAR MARY JANE: I told the husband that a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a grief counselor or clergyperson could help him absolve his feelings of guilt, and that an Alzheimer's support group could also be helpful. But your letter gets right to the heart of the dilemma. Although not everyone is as enlightened as you, I am with you 100 percent. This does not reduce the responsibility of the well spouse to ensure that the loved one receives the best and most compassionate care possible. But life is a gift that should be enjoyed.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I work in a small family business. A female employee spends a great deal of time in my husband's office. (I'll call her Sally.) She flatters him constantly and often brings him food. Although Sally is married and has children, my husband has gone to her home several times to assist her with setting up her computer.

Last week, we were all having lunch. Sally sat across from my husband and I noticed that her foot was touching his leg!

When I left work one evening, I forgot something and had to return to my office. My husband was in Sally's office, and I overheard him telling her not to sit next to him at lunch because I was jealous! (She was laughing!) I was enraged that he would discuss my confidences with this woman, and I later confronted him about it. He apologized for this disloyalty.

Abby, I am in a dilemma, as I must work with this woman daily. I am her supervisor. All the strange comments she has made in the past seem to indicate that there is more than just friendship between her and my husband. To make matters worse, she's unhappy in her marriage and several of her friends are going through divorces. I don't want to lose my husband. Any advice would help. -- FRANTIC

DEAR FRANTIC: First, have a long talk with your husband. Show him this letter and tell him you wrote it.

Sally may or may not be a threat to your marriage. You and your husband should have counseling, because whatever is going on could not be happening without his willingness to tolerate it.

Years ago, I would have recommended that you and your husband find this woman a job elsewhere. But in the '90s, a lawsuit for sexual discrimination or sexual harassment could be more expensive than a divorce, and turn your lives upside down.

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DEAR ABBY: When I was in the eighth grade I didn't "like boys." Building forts was much more interesting. But when my first love walked into our classroom, I knew I loved him the second I saw him.

We liked each other all during high school, although my parents told me I was too young to like boys. When he gave me gifts, I had to give them back. When he offered me his class ring I wasn't allowed to take it. It silently broke my heart. In all those years, I didn't ever tell him I loved him -- or how much.

He was the valedictorian of our class, and after high school he went on to Stanford University. I went to nurse's training. His life prospered; mine disintegrated.

At age 30, I married a man to please my father. That marriage ended in divorce eight years and two children later. After being a single parent for seven years, I longed for a husband and family. I married a man who had my first love's name. This marriage ended a year later after a lot of trauma to me and my children.

Two years ago, I realized that my true love was "missing in action" in my heart and that I hadn't been able to go on with my life. I located him through the Stanford Alumni register and after 30 years, talked with him -- for 42 minutes. He's happily married with four children.

After that phone call, I grieved for two days and then reconciled my love for him in my heart.

Abby, no other true love has come into my life. Perhaps one never will. Please encourage parents to take their children seriously. The heart is never too young to love deeply and eternally.

Thank you. I cannot sign this letter since I don't wish to expose my parents to the heartache they caused me so young in life, and the profound impact that forcing me to deny my love has had on me throughout the years. -- FINALLY RECONCILED, RICHLAND, WASH.

DEAR RECONCILED: Yours is a dramatic story. It's gratifying to know that you have finally found peace and resolved your first love.

When parents tell children that they are "too young" to be seriously in love, what they usually mean is that the children are too young to shoulder the responsibilities that accompany their turbulent emotions. I hope that the next time you find love, it brings you every happiness.

DEAR ABBY: My wife died two years ago. I know absolutely nothing about her side of the family. Although we had a wonderful trouble-free marriage of 47 years, she did not discuss her family.

Among her possessions is a photo album from 1880. All of the photos are excellent, taken in professional studios. The album is blue velvet, in mint condition. The pictures were taken in Illinois, Ohio, Missouri, Nebraska, Colorado; Los Angeles, Oakland and Pasadena, Calif.

Only one photograph is identified with a name: "Mrs. A. Hemenover, 1300 San Pablo Ave., Oakland, Calif., May 5, 1902."

Abby, I would love to return this album to any of her descendants. If anyone reading your column can help, I'm sure it will make the family very happy.

There are no strings attached and no thought of financial gain; I simply hate to see this beautiful album lost to the family. I am 77 years old and a totally responsible citizen.

Incidentally, my wife's maiden name was Jean Elenor Alameda. She was born in Oakland, Calif., and graduated from high school there. -- GAYEL G. CHEW

DEAR GAYEL G. CHEW: How generous of you. If a family member claims this album, I will contact you. Thank you for giving me your name, address and telephone number.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)