DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to Mary Lou Childs' letter about how parents today are so much more lenient with their kids, and "more concerned with being their children's pals" than with disciplining them.

First, I would like to know whose house she has been visiting. I am a 15-year-old girl, and both my younger sister and I are severely punished for anything our parents find inappropriate. Trust me, it's happened. And I can tell you, Abby, that neither of us whines or carries on when we get punished because if we don't realize our own mistake in the first place, we know that arguing won't change their minds.

Granted, my mother and father set pretty fair rules and usually leave them open for discussion. But this does not mean that we don't have rules at all. If my parents do consult with me on such issues as extending a curfew, it's only because they believe I am old enough to start forming my own opinions and looking out for my own good.

I also found Childs' comment about "when I was a kid" extremely stereotypical of adults. It's time to quit reminiscing about those days. The past is simply that -- over and done with. Maybe parents were more strict "back then," but I feel that growing up is a much more difficult task in the '90s than it was years ago. And please remember that teens today have different circumstances and rules to live by. -- LAURA N. KELLY, JOLIET, ILL.

DEAR LAURA: Thank you for an intelligent letter. Obviously you come from a home where expectations for your ability are high -- but limits are set and enforced. My response to Mary Lou Childs was that many parents seem reluctant to enforce their own rules for fear of traumatizing their little ones, and an excellent way to ensure obedience is to state one's wishes in a tone that lets the child know this is not something open for discussion. Also, Ms. Childs was writing about small children, not young adults.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to Mary Lou Childs of Eugene, Ore. In her letter she complained about how parents today, after telling their children to do something, will follow with, "OK?"

I don't know how everyone in the world does this, but when my parents say, "OK?" they are not asking if that's all right with me or opening it up for discussion. They are making sure I have heard them. (They say I have a case of "selective hearing," as all teens my age do.)

An example that I hear regularly is, "Go to bed at 10:00, OK?" And then I reply with a simple, "Yes," or else I'll go to bed right then no matter what time it is.

Abby, I am just writing to defend my parents and others like them who do not deserve to be insulted by her harsh comment. Please do not print my name. Sign me ... OFFENDED IN ARIZONA

DEAR OFFENDED: Ms. Childs' complaint was less about language and more about the issue of enforcing parental authority. You do not need to defend your parents. They appear to be doing a fine job.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from Mary Lou Childs -- and you are right! Totally right! One hundred percent right!

I hear it every day: "Don't do that -- OK?"

Part B cancels Part A!

Forty years as a psychiatrist and 35 years as a parent lead me to say, "Dear Abby, thank you once again." -- THOMAS P. LOWRY, M.D., WOODACRE, CALIF.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving Day, so here's my traditional Thanksgiving column.

Take a few minutes to think about what you have to be thankful for:

How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people haven't. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting more. (Have you ever visited a veterans hospital? Or a rehabilitation clinic for crippled children?)

If you awakened this morning and were able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to utter human sounds, walk to the breakfast table on two good legs and read the newspaper with two good eyes, praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.

How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. No pensions. No welfare. No food stamps. No Social Security. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.

Are you lonely? The way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, call someone. Go out of your way to do something nice for somebody. It's a sure cure for the blues.

Are you concerned about your country's future? Hooray! Our system has been saved by such concern -- concern for fair play under the law. Your country may not be a rose garden, but it also is not a patch of weeds.

Freedom rings! Look and listen. You can still worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.

As a final thought, I'll repeat my Thanksgiving prayer; perhaps you will want to use it at your table today:

O, heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service.

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and may God bless you and yours. -- LOVE, ABBY

An afterthought: Want an instant high? The surest cure for the post-holiday blues is to do something nice for someone. Why not call someone who lives alone and invite him (or her) over for dinner?

Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Many older people don't drive, and those who do don't like to go out alone after dark.)

Try it. And let me know the results.

P.S. Special greetings to those of you in the military who wrote from remote corners of the world to tell me that you are using my Thanksgiving prayer on this Thanksgiving Day.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A letter recently appeared in your column from a mother who was upset because the birth mother of her adopted daughter had written to her requesting to meet the girl.

I am an adoptee who is actively involved in helping other adoptees and birth mothers with their searches. I believe you replied correctly in advising the mother to tell her daughter about the letter she received. However, I think your advice should have included, in addition, a message about the importance of knowing about the medical history and the current medical condition of the birth mother. If the girl still does not wish to meet her birth mother, that's fine. But the adoptive mother and the birth mother should remain in contact with each other so that if a medical necessity should arise, or should the girl change her mind, contact could be made.

The need to know about our biological roots varies among adoptees and surfaces at different times in our lives. But it will eventually become an issue. No matter how good our relationship with our parents, or how much we are loved, there's a basic need in all adoptees to know who we are, who we look like and the circumstances behind our relinquishment.

It usually has no reflection on how we were raised, and a child's finding a birth parent is not to be feared as many adoptive parents believe. No one will ever take the place of Mom and Dad. If a "find" results in a relationship, then all the better. Often there are other siblings to be gained, or at least half-brothers or sisters, and there is always enough love to go around.

This has always been a sensitive issue and one that we are just beginning to learn how to deal with. You may use my name. -- GARY STRODE, TULSA, OKLA.

DEAR GARY: There are many sound reasons for encouraging and facilitating reunions between birth parents and their children. An opportunity for them to meet should be made available if both parties are willing. The secrecy that once shrouded adoption is no longer necessary now that society has come to understand that a pregnancy outside of marriage is not an unforgivable crime.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to a letter you published from "Bothered Brother," about the way his brother "Mike" treats the employees at their small firm.

Just because Mike is the boss doesn't mean he can be a bully. The highest incidence of workers' compensation lawsuits currently under litigation are: 1) intentional tort; 2) stress, embarrassment, humiliation; 3) violence in the workplace. Since "tort" is defined as damage, injury or a wrongful act done willfully or negligently, the No. 1 reason applies to Mike. Stress, embarrassment and humiliation are a given in this case.

If a supervisor hits or physically abuses an employee, the supervisor and the company can be sued by the employee. In this case, workers' compensation insurance would not protect the company or the owners. It is "Bothered Brother's" responsibility to keep his brother in check because it is his company, too. And all three reasons could be used by a sharp attorney to convince one of the employees to take the company to court. Since Mike throws his tantrums in front of the entire workforce, there are many witnesses -- most of whom have probably been yelled at themselves and who might want to retaliate.

I'm not an attorney, but I am a supervisor of eight people, and I would be fired on the spot if I acted that way at our company. -- CAUTIOUS BOSS IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR CAUTIOUS BOSS: Thank you for the input. Your letter may have a chilling effect on more than one hotheaded employer.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)