DEAR ABBY: Your English-only-or-bust advice to "Annoyed in New Mexico" was yet another offense against those of us who do not fit the mold set for us by middle America. Why should it be considered such an offense for two people to use the language of their choice to each other? If these two couples are so close, the annoyed pair should understand the importance of the Spanish language for their friends. How the couple speak to each other is their own business, and their use of Spanish may go back to reasons that "Annoyed" does not try, or care, to understand.

There are many people here in New Mexico (and elsewhere) whose parents were severely punished for the use of their primary language, Spanish. As a result, the next generation was taught English only. Those of us who learned Spanish later consider it of the utmost importance to remember our heritage and to practice our language. Apparently, the New Mexico Legislature agrees with us: It is the only bilingual lawmaking body in the United States.

Perhaps "Annoyed" should learn a little more about the background of her friends. She may learn something that will make her a little more tolerant. Oh, and you, too, Abby. Sign me ... HABLO ESPANOL EN NUEVO MEXICO (I SPEAK SPANISH IN NEW MEXICO)

DEAR HABLO: You will notice that after your signature, I added the English translation. That's because there are many very nice people who, for one reason or another, do not understand Spanish, but who might want to understand your signature.

I agree it's important for people to preserve their cultural heritage; however, speaking a foreign language in the presence of those who do not understand it excludes them from the conversation, which is considered inexcusably rude in any language.

DEAR ABBY: A week ago I purchased a hair coloring product. As I had previously developed a minor rash after using such a product, I performed the allergy test described in the instructions.

I developed a terrible rash, which is healing very slowly. The inside of my elbow is still itchy, scabby, puffy and red. If I had used this product on my head, I believe I'd be in the hospital right now, having lost all of my hair.

I'm sure there are many people out there who blithely apply such products without heed to the warnings. I have never been allergic to anything in my life. Your readers should take the time to do the allergy test before using any hair coloring or altering product. My rash took six hours to commence, so give it time. You might be very glad you did. I sure am.

Thank you for being there for us all these years, Abby. I'm sure I'm not the only person who, in trying to resolve a problem, tries to think of what Dear Abby would say. -- LEARNED THE EASY WAY, JUNEAU, ALASKA

DEAR LEARNED THE EASY WAY: I, too, am sure that many people apply products without first reading the package inserts and warning labels. But I'm willing to bet that after seeing your letter, some readers will think twice about it and act more cautiously. I know I will. Thank you for the reminder.

DEAR ABBY: I liked your response to "A Friend Who Cares," who was concerned because her friend "Elsa" was apparently drinking again. Abby, it is important for her to speak with Elsa for another reason. If she is not drinking, her symptoms (slurred speech, repeating herself and argumentativeness) might be caused by a neurological disorder, and she should be evaluated by her family physician or a neurologist. -- ELLEN S. GROSH, M.D., PLYMOUTH, MINN.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In October l986, my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. My mother nursed him at home after surgery revealed there was nothing more the doctors could do for him. He was not the ideal husband or father. He had been an alcoholic for 10 years, during which he missed all family events, including my high school graduation. My mother refused to leave him, saying he would only end up homeless on the streets.

After battling the cancer for three painful months, Dad died on New Year's Day. Needless to say, his passing was very hard on Mother. At the end, my father told my mother how sorry he was and thanked her for being such a good wife to him.

A few days before his funeral, Mother decided to go to the bank at the mall to deposit $200 in cash and checks that friends and family had sent us, and which we desperately needed. She stood outside the bank filling out her deposit slip when she realized the bank had not yet opened, so she decided to return the next day.

A few hours after she returned home, there was a knock at the door. I answered it and was greeted by a young couple who explained they had found cash and checks on the counter outside the bank in the mall. In her grief, Mother had left behind her deposit! The couple found her address on her deposit slip and drove around but couldn't find the street. After stopping at a few gas stations for directions with no luck, they finally had to stop and buy a map. They handed me the money, and my mother stood speechless. When I closed the door and turned around, tears were rolling down her face.

We still talk about that incident, wishing we had taken the name and phone number of that young couple. They never knew how much their act of kindness has meant to us. Since then, if we find anything of value, we try our very best to locate its owner. We hope that unselfish couple reads this, because we'd like to finally say thank you. -- ESTHER AND LETICIA WHITAKER, SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR ESTHER AND LETICIA: Thank you for your heartwarming letter, which illustrates that making time to do the right thing can make a world of difference.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter and her husband visit us often with their darling baby girl. The problem is our son-in-law seems to think it's great fun to play "tickle-tickle" with our granddaughter, who is only 3 months old. He tickles the baby constantly, and we cringe every time he does. To us, it looks more like torture.

How can we tell our son-in-law, without hurting his feelings, that we think his behavior is not good for the baby? -- CARING GRANDPARENTS, NASHUA, N.H.

DEAR CARING GRANDPARENTS: Your son-in-law is uninformed about the effect tickling has on babies. He most likely considers his actions playful and harmless, but doctors say that excessive tickling stimulates infants inappropriately and instead of experiencing pleasure, they experience pain. Show this column to your daughter, and ask her to have a talk with her husband.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You have printed many letters from the "other woman" -- who is always hurt because her married lover won't leave his wife for her. Well, here's one from the married lover.

I am a male who is almost 50 and have been experiencing one hell of a midlife crisis. My wife has wanted a divorce for about a year now, and somehow I keep convincing her to hang in with me.

I got involved with my younger secretary. She knew just what she wanted -- me. She left her husband. I never asked her to or promised her anything; in fact, I tried to talk her out of it. I have broken off our affair, but she won't stop calling. She has played dirty, calling my wife and sending her ugly notes.

Abby, I have a devoted wife who still loves me. I'd have to be an idiot to leave her for a younger secretary whom I don't really know. My secretary wouldn't have liked the real me who my wife has put up with for 27 years. My wife did everything I wanted all these years. I insisted she stay home with the children, and then I became unhappy with her when all along it was me I was really unhappy with. I can only pray she forgives me someday.

Abby, we married men don't leave our wives because we're not crazy -- we just act that way sometimes! I know this is a long letter, but please print it anyway because it needs to be said. -- DAVE IN MONTANA

DEAR DAVE: I'm printing your letter in its entirety because every woman involved with a married man is convinced that her romance is the exception. Perhaps your letter will wake up a few dreamers.

The damage to your marriage may take some time to repair. Counseling may speed up the process and help restore the trust that's been violated. Good luck to you and your wife.

DEAR ABBY: My friend and I belong to the same organization. Recently her husband was arrested for fraud and absconding with funds from his employer. He was found guilty and is now serving time in prison.

Whenever I see this woman, I want to ask her how her husband is, and how she's doing. I am truly concerned about her welfare, but I don't know whether it would be appropriate to ask her since she has never spoken about it. I learned that her husband went to prison when I read it in the paper.

I don't want to offend her by asking. Your advice would be greatly appreciated. -- IN DOUBT

DEAR IN DOUBT: When you see your friend, ask her how her husband is doing -- it will open the door for further conversation concerning his incarceration should she want to talk about it. You will know by her response whether she appreciates your having asked about him.

If any of my readers have experienced this situation, I would like to hear from them. I will keep your identity confidential.

DEAR READERS: Your chuckle for today: "I learned everything I know at my mother's knee. It was heavily tattooed." -- WOODY ALLEN

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)