DEAR ABBY: I recently heard from an old pen pal. I answered her letter and intended to write to her regularly. She had mentioned that she was a police dispatcher. I thought that was an interesting job.

In her second letter she wrote: "I ran you through our computer. California is one of the few states that will pull you up by name only, and I found you! You are 5 foot 5 and you weigh 130 pounds." She concluded: "I hope you are not mad that I ran you. Most people enjoy when I do it, and love having a copy for themselves. Here's yours."

Enclosed was a computer printout with my license number, name, address, birthdate and physical description.

I have nothing to hide, but I am offended and actually a bit shocked. On the bottom of the document was: "Departmental Actions: None; Convictions: None; Failure to Appear: None; Accidents: None."

Obviously, as an employee in a police station, this woman has access to police computers. Now I'm wondering if she "ran me" for anything else.

I am not going to answer her letter. I think she's a very nosy person with a lot of gall. That information should be only for the police when they have a reason to run it.

Please comment. -- CAME UP CLEAN IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR CAME UP CLEAN: I, too, am shocked that unauthorized personnel could access confidential personal information -- but I suppose I shouldn't be. The problem has reached great enough proportions that it has come to the attention of our legislators in Washington, D.C. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Here's a follow-up for the reader who told the appalling story of the in-laws who ran her name through the FBI computer, violating her privacy.

Privacy is the precious right of every American, and when our own government workers abuse their access to records, it's doubly wrong. The good news is that just before Congress adjourned, we passed a law making it a crime to misuse computer access to obtain private information in government files.

The new law is the National Information Infrastructure Protection Act. Both hackers who break into government computers from the outside and government employees who abuse their computer privileges from the inside to obtain personal information about Americans will now be subject to criminal penalties.

For details about these new privacy protections, your readers can visit my home page at http://www.senate.gov/[tilde]leahy/. -- PATRICK J. LEAHY, U.S. SENATOR, VERMONT

DEAR SENATOR LEAHY: Thank you for your generosity in offering your computer home-page address to my readers so they can obtain more information on the new privacy law. It's a piece of legislation whose time has come.

DEAR READERS: Today is Veterans Day -- the day we honor the men and women who have served our country in the armed forces. Originally called Armistice Day, it marked the end of World War I on Nov. 11, 1918. It was declared a legal holiday in 1938; in 1954, the name was changed to Veterans Day to honor all of America's veterans.

Our Canadian neighbors also celebrate Nov. 11, calling it Remembrance Day.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your letters on how to say no to sex, and have been cutting them out to share in a few years with my daughter. You printed some great one-liners and comebacks to use as needed. However, they were primarily addressed to women.

Also urgently needed by young men and teen-age boys is an arsenal of comebacks to counter the usual locker room banter of, "Did you score last night?" or, "You mean you've never gone to bed with a girl?"

Peer pressure for young males today is greater than ever. Please ask your readers to provide my son with some verbal ammunition to approach and finesse this pressure with a sense of humor -- and his dignity intact. -- MOTHER OF A PRE-ADOLESCENT

DEAR MOTHER: Tell your son that because a classmate claims to have sexual experience doesn't necessarily mean he has. It is not unusual for a boast to be untrue.

One way to handle the question, "Did you score last night?" might be to respond, "I didn't score last night because I didn't 'play' last night. But if I had -- I wouldn't talk about it!"

You are not the only reader who voiced concern about sexual pressure on teen-age males. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I appreciated the letters you printed from people about how to say no to sex. I work with a teen pregnancy prevention program as a certified Family Life Educator and I often assign your column to the group for discussion and ideas. Teens appreciate your "real" approaches to their issues.

Please ask for letters from guys on how to say "no." Guys are the other half of the problem when it comes to unwanted teen pregnancy, and they need support and role models in order to behave responsibly. There are advantages for both sexes in having the courage and confidence to behave responsibly when it comes to sex.

Think of the positive feedback that might be generated from a column with the head, "How Macho Guys Say 'No' to Sex." -- BETTE SCHLOESSER, R.N., B.S.N., MARSHFIELD, WIS.

DEAR MS. SCHLOESSER AND ALL OF THE READERS WHO WROTE TO ECHO SIMILAR SENTIMENTS: I would be pleased to hear what young men have to say on this important subject.

DEAR ABBY: I am disturbed that the responses to your "just say no to sex" column were exclusively from women. To me, this one-sided representation only serves to reinforce the double standard.

When are young men going to take responsibility for their own sexual behavior? Why are young women still burdened with the sole responsibility of decision-making when it comes to sex? And finally, why are we not hearing from teen-age males who are virgins?

Abby, young men need to be taught to respect women regardless of their virginal status. Young people in general need to hear that there is only one "first time." When young people feel self-worth and self-respect, they in turn respect and value others, which helps them make responsible choices.

If you have not already asked young men to share their views, I suggest you do. -- KATHY KIRK-MALTERS, M.S.W., BRAINERD, MINN.

DEAR MS. KIRK-MALTERS: The original question posed to my readers was "how do you just say no?"

I asked both sexes to respond, commenting that people of all ages (and both sexes) also struggle with this dilemma. The responses came almost exclusively from women and girls, offering advice only for girls.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I live in a quiet bedroom community that is mostly occupied by families with teen-agers who are starting to drive and have cars of their own. Many of these families are unable to park their cars in their garages because the garages are full of accumulated items they are storing (not cars), so the cars are now flowing onto the streets.

My problem: The space in front of my house has now become a temporary storage place for unused cars.

When I return from work at the end of the day, I often notice that there are no cars on the street except for two that are parked in front of my house. It's not unusual for the cars to be left two or three days. There is room in front of the neighbors' house to park, and I don't know why they don't park there. There have been times when a neighbor has left town for a holiday and left a car in front of my house for three weeks.

As a result, when my friends come over to visit, they end up having to park down the street.

I don't think I can wait another two or three years until these teen-agers fly the coop. What is the neighborhood etiquette for parking cars? -- FRUSTRATED HOMEOWNER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your young neighbors have no way of knowing that they are causing you a problem unless you tell them. Be diplomatic, but let them know that leaving their cars parked in front of your home prevents your guests from having easy access to your property. If that doesn't resolve the problem, a word to their parents would be the next step.

DEAR ABBY: At the post office today, I noticed a little girl who appeared to be about 3 years old. She was running around with a ballpoint pen sticking out of her mouth. I'm old enough to know that if you take chances, the worst can happen, so I approached the child's mother.

"It's none of my business," I said, "but something tragic could happen if your daughter tripped and fell with that pen in her mouth."

The mother said, "I know, but I also know my daughter and I'm willing to take that chance." She might as well have said, "Mind your own business."

A short time later, I was in the grocery store. A young woman left her purse (which wasn't zipped) in her shopping cart and walked away for a moment. I wanted to tell her that it was a very risky thing to do, but because of the earlier incident I said nothing. Was I wrong? -- OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER

DEAR OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER: Many people appreciate a polite reminder when they are displaying a lapse in common sense. The attitude of the mother in the post office was inexcusable. But I'm sure the woman in the grocery store would have preferred that you mentioned her unguarded handbag rather than see someone running off with it. As long as you're polite and not meddlesome, I see no harm in speaking up.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to offer this suggestion to any single who would like to beat the holiday blues.

Don't deny yourself the pleasure of your own company. If, despite your best efforts, you anticipate being alone on a holiday, make plans to go out and do something you enjoy.

Being alone can offer surprising dividends. Although the company of friends is pleasant, solitude can enable you to experience things in a more focused manner. -- SAN ANTONIO SINGLE ROSE

DEAR ROSE: I agree. "Alone" and "lonely" are not synonymous. A wise individual makes the most of the moment.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)