DEAR READERS: And you thought there was nothing funny about the law. David Broome of Phoenix sent me something that may change your mind. These are questions (taken from official U.S. court records) lawyers have put to people on the stand:

Question: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?

A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: How long have you been a French Canadian?

Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.

A: That's me.

Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

A: I'll be three months on Nov. 8.

Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was Aug. 8?

A: Yes.

Q: What were you doing at that time?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

A: I used to be.

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So you were gone until you returned?

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there girls?

Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?

A: Not yet.

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?

A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was very disappointed in your response to "No Regrets" who thinks infertile couples should realize that "an empty womb is not a tragedy." "No Regrets" would rather mentor the children of friends and family than be a mother. She self-centeredly concludes that infertile people should give up their dream of being parents and instead volunteer at a school. That may be fine for her, but it is outrageous for "No Regrets" to say that because she has chosen not to be a mother, others must abandon their dream of becoming parents.

You praised her for being generous and for exemplifying the adage "Life is what we make it." In doing so, you set back the hard work done by infertility support groups such as Resolve who try to educate the public so that employers, insurance companies, legislators, doctors, families and friends of infertile couples can understand that infertility is a devastating medical crisis, not a minor inconvenience.

We infertile people are fully aware of the need to come to some resolution of our crisis. Some succeed in becoming parents after medical treatments or through adoption. Some foster or volunteer to help children. Others focus on enjoying the advantages of an adult-only life. But the road to resolution is painful. Our pain is deepened when, out of ignorance, people imply that we are making a big deal out of nothing. It is considered perfectly natural for people to be joyful about expecting a baby. Why then is it so hard to understand the flip side -- not being able to be parents causes the same measure of grief?

My husband and I have had to distance ourselves from family and friends who were insensitive when we needed their compassion. When they disregard the feelings of infertile couples, we must, in self-defense, withdraw from sharing our feelings.

Thank God for the friends who understood. Our Resolve support group was a lifeline. They gave us courage to get through the worst days of a seven-year struggle. No one understands like one who walked in our shoes. I'm glad we didn't give up. This year we were finally able to adopt a beautiful boy. Becoming his parents has filled our hearts with joy.

Abby, it is my hope that this letter will sensitize others to the pain of infertility, and bridge the gap, fostering greater understanding. -- HAPPILY RESOLVED IN CHICAGO

DEAR HAPPILY RESOLVED: Congratulations on your beautiful son. I appreciate your letter.

Perhaps "No Regrets" seemed insensitive to your pain, but for those who have tried everything possible to become parents and it hasn't happened, mentoring others' children offers some gratification.

For those of you who still have hope, once again, I urge you to contact Resolve Inc., which offers emotional support, peer counseling, medical referrals and education for people with infertility problems. Send a business-sized (long), self-addressed, stamped envelope to: Resolve Inc., 1310 Broadway, Dept. DA, Somerville, Mass. 02144-1731.

Good luck to all of you who dream of parenthood. May your dream come true.

YOUR CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: "As my good friend Al Capp told me a few years ago, the best thing to do with a confirmed hotel reservation slip when you have no room is to spread it out on the sidewalk in front of the hotel and go to sleep on it.

"You will either embarrass the hotel into giving you a room, or you'll be hauled off to the local jug, where at least you'll have a roof over your head." -- ART BUCHWALD

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a message that desperately needs to be publicized, and I am praying that you will spread the word. It concerns obesity, a far more serious problem than people realize. It can cause death. I know, because my 32-year-old son died in his sleep last January from morbid obesity. At the time of his death, he weighed 400 pounds.

Actually, my son had an addiction to food. The last year of his life he had gained over 100 pounds. He never exercised; he just sat and ate constantly. He had a good job, but it was one where he just sat. He was warned by a physician in 1993 that if he didn't lose weight he wouldn't live two more years. His autopsy showed that he had only 50 percent use of his lungs, and his heart was badly damaged. Every organ in his body was enlarged and congested.

Everyone in our family had tried to get him to lose weight. We would have helped him all the way, but he had to help himself first, which he refused to do. I hope you will think this is important enough to print. -- BROKENHEARTED MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: I offer my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your beloved son. Thank you for telling your sad story in the hope that others may learn from it. How tragic that no one was able to persuade your son to go to an eating disorder clinic.

DEAR ABBY: I am responding to the letters in your column about patients being referred to as "the boy in the wheelchair" or "the liver." Often physicians refer to symptoms and diagnoses so they won't have to disclose patients' names. (A breach of patient confidentiality can have serious legal and moral consequences.) In this way, doctors can discuss symptoms or treatment approaches with colleagues without disclosing confidential information.

I have worked for many years in medical records, and we often refer to patient files by the person's name. Some references that I have heard include: "Has anyone seen Mary Smith?" "Yes, I think I saw her lying on the doctor's desk."

"Who left Bob Jones on the copier?"

"I'm looking for May Fong." "Well, she isn't in my basket. Let me check my drawers."

"Can you bring Mike Williams to me? I have to put him in this envelope."

Of course, we're talking about the patient's file, but if someone were listening, I'm sure it wouldn't sound like that. -- A NURSE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law lives with me part of the year. We do not get along and can't stand each other. I can't afford to send her to a nursing home, so I'm stuck with her part of the year.

My problem is whenever she comes back to live with me, she'll ask, "Did you miss me?" I am tempted to reply, "Not one bit!" but this would only cause more friction in our already strained relationship.

How can I tactfully answer this question without sounding too impolite? -- SPEECHLESS

DEAR SPEECHLESS: You can avoid the question, "Did you miss me?" by greeting her with, "Hello ... would you believe, I really missed you?" (If her answer is, "No," she'll be right on target.)

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)