DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Pet Peeved in Martinez, Calif." -- whose problem was having too many dogs and cats to care for, with very little help from her husband -- got my attention. She mentioned the fact that she is pregnant.

I am writing in the hope that you can help "Pet Peeved" avert a potential disaster for her unborn child. I am a special educator. I work with children who are mentally retarded, from a variety of causes.

Pregnant women should not care for cats. They should especially avoid cleaning litter boxes, because they can unknowingly contract a disease called toxoplasmosis from doing so. (Cats can carry this disease.)

Toxoplasmosis probably won't make the mother noticeably sick, but the damage it can cause to her unborn child is devastating. The problems for the child can range from learning disorders, hearing or vision impairments, to severe retardation, deafness and blindness, or even all of these in combination.

Toxoplasmosis can also be transmitted to the unborn child if the mother eats improperly prepared shellfish such as shrimp, lobster, oysters, etc. (It is wise to avoid these foods during pregnancy.)

I hope my letter will encourage "Pet Peeved's" husband to either care for the pets or find them another home. I also hope this information will alert other expectant mothers to be more careful in the care of their pets, and in their diets. -- BELLE AAKHUS, SPECIAL EDUCATION, BEMIDJI, MINN.

DEAR BELLE: Thank you for your important message to expectant mothers. Your letter reminded me that I had printed a letter about toxoplasmosis eight years ago. It was from a nurse-educator who wanted to alert expectant mothers that the protozoa (toxoplasma gondii) are also found in raw and undercooked meat; therefore they should be sure to cook all meats thoroughly.

Pregnant women should have routine checkups during their pregnancy, and check with their health-care professional concerning this and other diseases that might endanger their unborn child.

DEAR ABBY: I'm enclosing a poem that describes too many of us in our busy world today. I hope you'll think it's worth space in your column. It contains a message we all need reminding about. Too few people take the time, no matter how little, to drop a line, or call, visit or do a good deed for someone we know who is lonely, ill, or in need of a few moments of small talk. -- MARILYN J. MONTGOMERY, NORTH MANKATO, MINN.

DEAR MARILYN: Thank you for sending it. It's well worth the space. Read on:

He hadn't time to pen a note,

He hadn't time to cast a vote.

He hadn't time to sing a song,

He hadn't time to right a wrong.

He hadn't time to love or give

He hadn't time to really live.

From now on, he'll have time on end

He died today, my busy friend.

YOUR CHUCKLE FOR THE DAY: "My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she 60 years old. She's 97 now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter, "Bethany," just confided that she has been sexually active for the past month. This is her first experience, and she says they are practicing safe sex. I have not yet told her father, although he suspects she might be.

Should I tell him or keep my mouth shut?

I'm afraid of what his reaction will be. There has been a lot of tension between my husband and Bethany for the past couple of years, and I don't want to add to it.

I have considered telling him when she is not at home so he'll have time to cool down before he confronts her, but I keep losing my nerve. The fact that he doesn't like her boyfriend doesn't help. If I keep quiet, perhaps he will not find out.

I will wait for your answer. Please advise. -- MOM IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR MOM: Better your husband hears the news from you now than possibly in a crisis. Bethany should be told that you plan to discuss this with her father because she's still a minor, and as a parent, he has the right to know. Tell your husband you expect his cooperation in discussing this with Bethany without confrontation or retaliation.

Your daughter deserves an honest relationship with both of you as she progresses through her teens.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend got married two years ago. I was her maid of honor. As a wedding gift, I decided to give them two of the very expensive wineglasses for which they were registered. When I went to buy them, I was told the glasses were back-ordered, and it would be 14 weeks before my friends would receive their gift.

The clerk gave me a gift card on which was written the pattern and quantity of the wineglasses. Due to the festivities that preceded the wedding, I kept forgetting to call the store to place my order. However, I did put the card in a box and wrapped it, so my friends would know they were getting the wineglasses.

Abby, I still haven't placed the order. A few months after the wedding, my friend asked me about them, and I told her it would take several more weeks. Since then, neither of us has mentioned it.

Abby, at the time of the wedding, my husband and I could afford the glasses, but now the price has gone up. I'm a full-time homemaker raising our son, and money is tight.

This is very embarrassing. What should I do to save face? Come forward and confess my negligence, or forget about it? -- WEDDING GIFT WOES

DEAR WOES: Confess. Since you haven't forgotten about the gift you promised, your friend probably hasn't either. If she's a good friend, she will understand. When she celebrates her fifth wedding anniversary, present her with the glasses. I suggest you start saving now.

DEAR ABBY: You have printed various suggestions about how to handle nosy questions. Tell people they can use my brother's line. If anyone asks him a presumptuous question, he replies, "Why? Are you writing a book?"

If the person is rash enough to answer "yes," he adds, "Well, make it a mystery!" -- FRANK WAGNER, CINCINNATI

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My grandfather died today. He was outgoing and loving, a pillar of the church and did much for our community. Everyone respected him, but they were unaware of a dark family secret. Until I was in my late 20s, no one in our family would talk about the fact that Grandpa was a pedophile (child molester). He molested members of our family -- myself included -- and God knows how many others.

There were excuses why no one in the family would discuss it. Denial was a means of coping, and some of us rationalized, "That was a long time ago; why bring up the past?" Grandpa eventually found himself facing charges of molesting a young neighbor girl. The outcome? He ran from the law to another state where he lived the rest of his life. Our legal system lacks the funds to pursue a pedophile in another state.

The one good thing that resulted from Grandpa being "officially" charged was that our family finally started talking about it. In my gut, I always knew there was something wrong, but I had buried the past so completely that it took several years before I was able to admit it -- even to myself.

There are mothers who know that their husbands are molesting their children. I hope my experience causes others to come out with the truth. Were you molested by a parent you now allow to spend time with your children? You alone have the power to protect them. The problem doesn't just go away.

The first step is to TELL someone. Remember the shame belongs only to the pedophiles, not the victims they violate.

Adults must teach children to protect themselves, and it's never too late to start. You can't remain silent and protect your kids. You must make a choice. -- LIVING IN GOD'S GLORY AND GRACE

DEAR LIVING: Two of the most damaging results of sexual abuse are the shame and isolation felt by the victims. Healing cannot begin until the facts are brought out in the open and discussed among all the parties involved.

The National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-422-4453, provides information and referral for victims and family members. Telephone crisis counseling is also offered. Your local mental health society can recommend therapists specializing in counseling for those who were molested as children and still harbor the bitter memories.

Counseling helps victims work through their painful memories so they can finally be put to rest.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Mike in Texas," who wanted to know how to dispose of his Bible:

There are book repair shops that rebind and re-cover books and Bibles. My parents' rebound Bible is one of my most treasured possessions.

Most Bibles contain blank pages to record births, baptisms, marriages and deaths. If civil records are lost or destroyed, the Bible is accepted as proof in most states.

When my sister became eligible for Social Security, I took my parents' Bible to the records department in the courthouse. The clerk testified to the authenticity of the old Bible, and my sister's claim was approved.

Also, when tracing our roots, a family Bible can be invaluable. -- MONICA KOEPPL EHRLICHMAN, TACOMA, WASH.

WIFE TO HUSBAND OVER DINNER: "We had a tough day at the office. The computer broke down and everybody had to learn to think all over again."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)