DEAR ABBY: I need to know what is required of godparents. I have two godchildren. My problem is, even though I make myself available at all times (birthdays, school illnesses, any time the parents need a break, etc.), I am not being utilized.

In both cases we stood before God in a church service and made vows to be accessible to the children, and I have been. I have spoken to both sets of parents and made it perfectly clear that I want to be in each child's life, yet whenever the parents need any assistance with their children, they turn to grandma and grandpa. I have gifts of toys and clothing that my godchildren have outgrown by now, so after many calls went unreturned, I've given up trying.

I am concerned that years from now, when the kids are in their late teens, the parents will seek me out for help with money for college and cars. Please help. -- AN M.D. IN D.C.

DEAR M.D.: While in theory a godparent is responsible for the spiritual guidance of a child in accordance with his or her family's religion, in practice the obligation may be no more than that of any close friend of the family.

Contrary to what some might assume, there is no requirement to provide financial assistance. However, a godparent does customarily give a birthday and possibly a Christmas gift until the godchild is grown. You need not worry about future financial obligations to the children, but you should ask the parents what their expectations were when they asked you to assume this solemn and significant role.

DEAR ABBY: Please inform potential employers and the general public that not all ex-convicts are lifelong criminals who should never again be trusted.

I would like to hear from your millions of readers how they would answer my question: By taking away most of my constitutional rights and severely limiting my employment opportunities for the rest of my life, how is that going to protect society or give me an incentive to go straight?

My debt (for armed robbery) was paid 22 years ago. -- ROY S., SPARKS, NEV.

DEAR MR. S.: My experts tell me that convicted felons receive due process under the law, and all their rights are returned to them when their sentences have been served and paroles are complete.

However, two PRIVILEGES are withheld: the privilege of owning a gun and the privilege of voting.

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter about the child who was referred to by the nurse as "the little boy in the wheelchair." That reminded me of the time I was in the hospital for a liver biopsy. Over my head, the nurses kept referring to me as "the liver." They referred to the next patient as "the knee." I heard a nurse say, "We'll do the knee after the liver."

I asked them, out of curiosity, why they refer to people like that, and they explained, "We see so many people in one day it would be confusing to refer to people by their names. It helps keep things straight by naming the part of the body scheduled to be worked on." I looked up at them and said, "It's a good thing I'm not in here for hemorrhoids!" -- D.L. IN DALLAS

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Angela in Savannah," the pharmacy intern who's disgusted with customers who are, in her opinion, abusing Medicaid and ignorant about using their medications correctly.

If she spends many years working with low-income people, as I have, she may discover that a little compassion goes a long way. I am a social worker in a medical setting, and I think Angela has jumped to some faulty conclusions.

What is wrong with our health-care system that a poor mother (who may not have money in her pocket for food, let alone cough syrup) can get expensive prescription cough syrup for free under Medicaid, but must pay $3.99 out of pocket for an over-the-counter equivalent? Narcotics have many legitimate uses. If a customer has a valid prescription for a narcotic, but no money to pay for it, should he be looked down upon for hoping he can pay with food stamps?

And as for Angela's statement that some people are so uneducated they don't know how to take the medicine, what the heck is the pharmacist there for? Those of us who are fortunate enough to be well educated are continually advised that, if there are questions regarding proper use of a medication, we should ask the pharmacist.

Have a heart, Angela; lose the attitude, and let's all try to help such people instead of condemning them. -- DEBBIE IN HIGHWOOD, ILL.

DEAR DEBBIE: You are not the only reader who disapproved of Angela's lack of compassion for the people she is serving. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from the pharmacy intern in Savannah, I had to write.

On what basis is she deciding in her brief encounters with customers across the counter that they have preventable illnesses that could be cured by over-the-counter drugs? Most doctors would not be pleased to know she is diagnosing on limited information and experience.

If people are "uneducated" in taking medicines, a primary function of the pharmacist is to provide information, to educate. Most of the fine pharmacists I have dealt with value this aspect of their work.

Yes, there are 12-year-olds who get pregnant and who can't read. Should we have compassion or contempt for them? And what kind of "insider information" allows this intern to sort out the motives of those who apply for menial jobs at the pharmacy where she's working? Yes, there are some abusers of programs, and they should be found out and stopped by those qualified to do so.

I don't know what kind of life background this young intern had, but I would guess it was insular, and encouraged her to be judgmental and intolerant. She needs to seriously consider some other line of work that does not require her to serve people who are in painful and difficult situations. -- RETIRED MENTAL HEALTH WORKER

DEAR ABBY: The recent letter you published from the pharmacy intern, Angela, has me seeing RED!

While I agree that millions of people abuse the medical system in the United States, for many others it is the only way to get the medical attention they need. It's a disgrace that people must use overcrowded emergency rooms for mundane illnesses such as colds (have you ever had a sick child who is having trouble breathing?) just so Medicaid will pay for it. Has it ever occurred to you or Angela that these people have no other means for medical treatment? The $3.99 the cough syrup costs could mean the difference in whether the family eats or not!

Instead of whining about how people abuse the system, we need to work to make the system better. We all know it would be far less expensive to have Medicaid pay for the doctors' office visits instead of emergency rooms.

With her lack of compassion for the human race, I'm relieved that Angela decided to be a pharmacist instead of an M.D. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, BAINBRIDGE ISLAND, WASH.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Eight years ago, I was a reasonably good-looking 27-year-old woman. Then I survived a very serious automobile accident. Despite numerous surgeries, my face was badly scarred.

Before the accident, I was fairly popular and had plenty of dates. But after the accident, I was not prepared for the reaction I would get from people. Although I bend over backward to be friendly, nobody (including co-workers) spends any more time with me than is necessary. I'm never asked to join them for lunch. It's as though they are embarrassed to be seen with me.

I live in Los Angeles and because of my job, I meet many celebrities. Most seem a bit shocked when they first see me, but they are at least courteous.

However, there are three people who not only never flinched when they met me; they went out of their way to be friendly and make me feel comfortable.

They are former president Jimmy Carter, and two actors, Paul Newman and John Travolta. These three men are heroes in my book, and I shall never forget their kindness. -- FOREVER GRATEFUL IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR FOREVER GRATEFUL: Thank you for sharing your poignant story with me so I could share it with my readers.

God bless Carter, Newman and Travolta. In spite of their celebrity status, they have remained sensitive and compassionate. We would all do well to follow their admirable example.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Depressed in Dixie," the mother concerned about her 25-year-old son marrying a divorced woman with a 2 1/2-year-old child.

When my never-before-married husband took my 4-year-old daughter (Jessica) and me to meet his family for the first time, they accepted us with all the grace and love possible. They had gifts every time we visited. If they had reservations about our marriage, they kept it to themselves. After our own two children came along, they continued to treat Jessica as if she were their very own.

Sixteen years later, she is a bright, happy, beautiful college junior with three grandmothers (all widows), and I dare say she loves her "step" granny as much as her "real" ones. Some of Jessica's happiest memories from her childhood are summer weekends at her granny's farm, taking walks, going out to the barn, or playing waitress taking lunch orders from a grandmother with never-ending patience.

"Depressed in Dixie," you will be the loser if you allow your fears to keep you from knowing and loving a beautiful "step" grandchild. Any problems will be for your son and his wife to deal with. All you have to do is provide love. -- BLESSED IN DIXIE, A.K.A. SYDNEY FULBRIGHT, FORT SMITH, ARK.

DEAR BLESSED IN DIXIE: The mail inspired by the letter from "Depressed in Dixie" was heartwarming. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Depressed in Dixie," whose son decided to marry a divorced woman with a 2 1/2-year-old child.

When I was 4 1/2 years old, my father died, leaving a wife and three children. My mother eventually remarried, and I called Mom's new husband "Dad" from that day forward. He didn't have to be dragged into this role. His love for my mother and all of us kids is why he married her! The interesting thing is that Dad had been married before and had six children of his own, but he still treated us special, as though we were his flesh and blood.

I just want to tell "Depressed" that I don't know where I would be if Dad hadn't married my mom because she had been married and had children. It would have been selfish of either of them to deny their love for each other just because of a child.

Oh, and one more thing, "Depressed," I thank God every day for bringing my Dad into my life. -- HAPPY AND LOVED NINTH CHILD IN AURORA

DEAR READERS: If you would like your letter considered for publication, please include our name, area code and telephone number.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)