DEAR ABBY: I can't think of a better way than by writing to you to get this all-important message out regarding people who feed wildlife. They are creating a widespread problem with serious consequences for the animals.

Out of a misguided sense of "kindness," people ignore the posted warnings and feed wild animals. I have witnessed it in every state in which I've vacationed. However, the reason I'm writing you now is the problem we're having in Arizona.

A couple of years ago, many of the deer that live in the Grand Canyon had to be humanly destroyed. Their stomachs were so messed up from eating human food that they were slowly starving to death. People should also be made aware that not only do squirrels and chipmunks bite, but they must maintain foraging and storage skills to survive the winter.

More serious still, bears are becoming a problem. Because of drought, bears are coming down from the mountains and are being fed from cabins and campgrounds. The result has been several maulings and the destruction of those bears. Two have been found shot to death by fearful humans. As a precaution, many bears are now being moved to other areas.

Abby, please implore your readers to stop feeding wild animals. They are doing wildlife no favor by giving them handouts. In fact, they are "killing them with kindness." -- GINNY POLADIAN WILLOBY, PHOENIX

DEAR GINNY: Thank you for pointing out to animal lovers everywhere the danger of putting food out for wild animals, which not only damages their survival skills, but can create serious danger to humans and domestic animals.

I called the rangers in Grand Canyon National Park to verify why the deer had been destroyed. I was informed that in addition to the crackers, potato chips and cookies visitors fed them, the deer had consumed plastic bags, food wrappers and plastic twine while foraging in trash containers for the human food to which they had become habituated. Autopsies revealed that their stomachs were clogged with ingested trash; in some cases 3 to 5 pounds of plastic obstructed the animals' digestive systems. Food could not be processed, and the animals were starving to death.

It was explained that deer expecting handouts can become aggressive and have kicked, butted, gored and bitten visitors to the Grand Canyon.

In addition to the problem with deer and bears that you mentioned, there are problems with bighorn sheep and rock squirrels, which beg. They will bite the hand that feeds them, and the squirrels carry bubonic plague.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your reply to "Minneapolis Reader" regarding commitment ceremony etiquette. In part, you said, "... treat their 'commitment ceremony' as though it were a wedding, because that is what it is to them and those who care about them."

Your answer was matter-of-fact, nonjudgmental and correct. -- LINDA W.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Mrs. R.B. in Santa Clarita, Calif." was bothered that the neighbor woman sunbathes in the nude, because her 11-year-old son can climb trees in her yard to peek, which no doubt he will now that he knows what goes on next door. Also, because the woman and her female friend did not object to his coming over to pick up the ball, she fears he may intentionally hit balls over the fence as an excuse to go over and get an eyeful.

You wrote: "Your neighbor has the right to sunbathe in the nude in the privacy of her fenced back yard. Better to tell your son to refrain from climbing the tree in his yard to get an eyeful."

Both you and she concerned yourselves only about the son getting an eyeful.

Imagine a gender reversal (which is so instructive in these gender-mad times!). Suppose the nude sunbathers had been men, and Mrs. B. had had a 11-year-old daughter. Would you have merely said she should restrict the 11-year-old girl from climbing trees to get an eyeful? Would she have simply expressed worry the daughter would get an eyeful, which a curious 11-year-old of either sex might do? Or would she have called the cops and tried to have the men arrested for exposing themselves to the 11-year-old girl?

Our different responses when the gender is reversed in this story reveal the differences between how we regard female sexuality and female nudity, and how we regard male sexuality and male nudity.

It reveals that we are a long way from treating males and females equally. -- JERRY A. BOGGS, WESTLAND, MICH.

DEAR MR. BOGGS: You make an interesting point. I don't know what Mrs. R.B. would have done -- but had it been my daughter, I would have first chopped down that tree, then warned the unsuspecting men next door that they'd better be on the lookout for newly drilled holes in the fence.

DEAR ABBY: "Ignored Mother" asked for words of wisdom to comfort her for not being acknowledged on Mother's Day. And she's afraid if she reminds them, then future remembrances will be done only out of a sense of duty. Are holidays a test? She needs to stop seeing herself as the hapless victim and take her happiness into her own hands. If she isn't called on Mother's Day, she should call her kids up and tell them, "It's Mother's Day, and I want to thank you for making me a mother."

If you want a birthday present from your husband, put a sign on the refrigerator weeks in advance saying, "Three weeks till the Big Day." He'll be happy and you'll be happy. And there's nothing wrong with mothers prompting their children.

I run a company and meet with new employees on the first day. I tell them that when they work here, they will need to take initiative. Everyone will be glad to help, but we are busy and might not think about stopping in to ask if they need anything.

Sometimes I forget holidays. Sometimes my kids (or my husband) forget. Who cares? I love them and they love me. Holidays are not a test. -- RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN HAPPINESS, MADISON, WIS.

DEAR RESPONSIBLE: You are to be applauded for your healthy attitude.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: How should teen-age girls say "no" to sex? My answer: BE HONEST.

After seeing many of my friends regret losing their virginity, I decided I wasn't gong to make the same mistake. When I began dating Scott, I told him I wasn't ready to have sex, and if that's what he was looking for, he should go elsewhere.

Well, he stayed. And now, two years later -- we're engaged to be married! I'm living proof that honesty is the bet policy.. -- BETH PAILTHROPE, MARIETTA, GA.

DEAR ABBY: I thought you might enjoy my daughter Aimee's way of saying "No." It was printed in the December 1994 issue of Reader's Digest.

"While attending a small, conservative college, my daughter worked as a veterinarian's assistant. When she transferred to Texas A&M University in College Station, I began worrying about how she would deal with the raging hormones of the young men on campus.

"No problem, Mom," she said. "I always introduce my date to my cat Ralph. ?Then I mention that I neutered him myself."

Her father's comment about our daughter's method was, "She probably doesn't have many second dates." -- LINDA BARNETT, IRIVING, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I joined the Air force when I was 19, so I got a lot of practice saying, "No." Most of the guys I dated said the didn't believe the rumors that I didn't put out, and I knew that some of them dated me just to prove to themselves that they could score.

Once the conversation got around to sex, I was pretty straight forward and said I didn't believe in premarital sex. A couple of guys called me a tease, but in the military any girl who doesn't put out is either a "tease" or a "lesbian." That gets the male off the hook for his failure to conquer. My most successful phrase was used when the kissing got out of hand. I would say, "I have Stop signs, not Yield signs." And I followed it with, "When I say an area of my anatomy of Off Limits, I mean don't go there!" It usually got a laugh and eased what could have become a tense situation.

A couple of years ago I ran into one of my old boyfriends, and as we were catching up he asked if I had given in before marriage. He then told me that he'd thought about me often throughout the years, as he compared other's morals to mine. Then he said he really respected me and wished more girls were like that.

I know you'll get thousands of responses, but if you print mine please sign me -- NO REGRETS

DEAR ABBY: My standard reply to a boy who wanted sex was, "Do you want to be a father?" That usually stopped him cold. Then I would say, "I don't want to be a mother, either." And that was usually the end of it.

Once in a while I'd run into someone who carried a condom in his wallet, then I just had to give a firm "NO."

I have passed this strategy on to several girls over the years, and they've always thanked me for the tip. I hope this helps your readers. -- JANIS C. IMINER, PITTSFORD, N.Y.

DEAR READERS: I'll devote my Wednesday, Sept. 18 column to more responses from readers. Stay tuned.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)